


Only Then You'll See

by easilydistractedbyfanfic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Planet, Alien Technology, Aliens, Cussing, F/M, Friendship, I gotta fix 'em, I have become really attached to Diyoza, I'm gonna make them all communicate, If it's a relationship that needs fixing I am going to fix it, Multi, Mutual Pining, Post Season 5, Post-Canon, Season 6 Speculation, Slow Burn, aka it'll never happen, spacekru, well mostly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-07-29 23:17:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 72,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/pseuds/easilydistractedbyfanfic
Summary: It's been six months since they've landed and everyone is adjusting to their new reality as they grieve for what they’ve lost. They've forgotten how to interact together with so many relationships now changed, but after a routine scouting mission, Raven is convinced that something is wrong with Murphy, despite her lack of proof. Will her friends believe her, and what does this mean for their survival on this new planet?FYI - I've been frustrated with S6 and have taken a break from this story because of that but this WILL BE FINISHED and yes, I do have it all planned out. Also, yes, I feel tremendously guilty that it's not done.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started out trying to continue my Project Insight series, but this story would not get out of my head and demanded to be focused on first. A girl's gotta listen to her muse, so this is apparently where we are now. I'm deep enough into this one to know that it's going on the longer side, so I hope you'll stick with me. 
> 
> As per usual, my focus is Murven but I'm gonna throw in some background relationships and I'm not unfriendly towards exes - but yes, they are exes. Also, in my head, some of my character favorites are potty-mouths, so please note there will be foul language! And yeah, I know that the general idea is that Diyoza might name her baby Hope, but I just couldn't do it. I went with another name on her baby list that didn't feel as trite. Sorry, Charmaine - I love you, don't kill me!
> 
> I'll answer every comment, so please feel free to share what you think, and if you like The 100 or Murven in particular, you can find me on tumblr at easilydistractedbyfanfic and we can give them heart eyes together.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/170152452@N02/47096197154/in/dateposted-public/)

Six months after being woken up from a one-hundred-and-twenty-five year nap, Raven Reyes carefully exits her tent and scowls up at the dark sky that’s twinkling with thousands of sparkling stars. Normally it would be the kind of sight she was happy to view, but the lack of sleep she’d been getting lately was definitely taking a toll. She guesses it’s somewhere around two AM, and currently the entire camp is quiet, but in the distance she can see there’s still a campfire burning closer to the edge of the woods. It’s cool enough out that she’s willing to make small talk in exchange for the warmth of the fire, so she decides that’s where she’ll go. 

 

Carrying a small bundle in her arms, Raven meanders through the shadows and takes note of all the obvious signs of work and improvement that’s been happening since they’ve arrived on the surface. They’d been lucky that the Eligius IV had been outfitted with quite a few tents and decent supplies to help them get a new settlement started. Quarters were tight, however, until more shelters could be built, so everyone was expected to share with the growing group of those who had been awakened and treated with the nightblood serum. Most of the tents were for only two people, but since no one really had any belongings to speak of, they had a little more room on the inside to stretch out. 

 

As she moves nearer to the campfire, she can make out only one person sitting around it, and she feels an unexpected thrill of satisfaction when she sees that it’s Murphy. She hadn’t even realized he’d returned from his latest bout of exploring, so he must have only recently gotten back. He’s got a blanket spread out on the ground and he’s using a large log as a backrest, and he looks more relaxed than she’s seen from him since they stepped foot on this new planet. Although it’s not like she’s seen much of him since then for comparison, she frowns. He looks up when he hears her approach and tosses a few more logs on the fire, but he doesn’t seem annoyed that his solitary night is being interrupted, so she nudges him with her boot and tells him to scoot over. With one arm full, she rests her other hand on his shoulder and uses him to steady herself as she awkwardly lowers to the ground. 

 

“Ugh. I hate sitting on the ground, but at least you have a blanket. I’m gonna have to remember one for next time.”

 

“Isn’t that what you’re carrying?” Murphy asks her. “And what are you doing up so late, anyway?”

 

She laughs and shifts closer to him so she’s fully on his blanket and off the cold ground, leaning back against the log like he is. It’s definitely much warmer in the light of the fire. “I could ask you the same thing! And no, I’m not walking around in the dead of night just for fun. I’m on Heidi duty.” She pulls a fold of the blanket down and Murphy gets a glimpse of chubby pink cheeks before Raven tucks her back in. 

 

“Oh, your new roommate, you mean? Last I was around, you had a tent to yourself. But now I’m hearing you’ve got some company. How’d you end up with Diyoza and her baby?” He settles himself into a better position since she’s pushed him to the edge of his blanket, but there’s not much room on the narrow cover, so they’re pressed against each other from shoulder to thigh.  

 

“That’s what happens when you’re not in camp for a month or so - you miss all the news. I  _ was _ by myself, last time you were in camp, anyway. After Bellamy and Echo broke up, and he took over the other half of your tent, it was clear that me and Echo and Emori were going to have to figure out who’d stay with who, and I thought Echo might have an easier time staying with Emori since I’m in that weird spot of being friendly with Clarke too. And she’s in a tent with Madi, so I’m the odd one out.” She pats Heidi’s back absentmindedly, trying to keep the baby happy as she starts to quietly fuss. “Actually it was a good choice for me, being by myself. I liked having space for some of the projects I’m working on. But then Charmaine came down after Heidi was born, and once they made sure the nightblood took with her system, she needed a spot and I was one of the only people she was willing to room with who had space. She’s high on the priority list for one of the first shelters they build though, for Heidi’s sake, so it’s temporary.”

 

“So now you get less sleep  _ and _ babysitting duty?” he teases. 

 

Raven grins in response. “It wasn’t so bad at first. She slept really well at night, and she’s pretty cute, too. But this last week has been tough. Charmaine thinks she’s going through a growth spurt or something. Rather than both of us just laying there being kept up, tonight we decided to take turns taking her for a shift outside the tent. If she falls into a good sleep out here, I’ll take her back in.”

 

“Diyoza’s lucky she got paired with you - not everybody would put in so much effort.” He lightly pokes her in the side with his elbow, and she rolls her eyes at him. 

 

“Don’t tell Charmaine or she’ll just mock me for being a pushover, but I like helping with Heidi and it doesn’t feel like that much work. Except for the being tired part,” she adds. 

 

Murphy laughs. “Raven, I hate to tell you, but considering you’re out here in the middle of the night, taking care of said kid, I think she probably already knows she’s reeled you in.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. She’s not dumb, unfortunately. Speaking of dumb though, why are  _ you _ up this late? There’s no baby keeping you from sleeping. I didn’t know you were even back - you’ve barely been in camp since we got here.”

 

He shrugs and she can feel his shoulder rub against hers with the motion. “I haven’t been sleeping that well since we got down. I think it’s just getting used to a new place, maybe. But it doesn’t help that Bellamy  _ snores _ , so sharing a tent with him when I’m here basically sucks, and he gets really offended when I call him out on it.”

 

“Which I’m sure you make a point of doing all the time.”

 

“Of course I do, that’s a given.” He looks over at her and watches as Heidi’s blanket moves as she kicks out her feet. “You know I’ve been scouting this place. So many people are working on building projects or they spend their days getting water, foraging or getting the farm going, and even though I can see the progress since I was last in camp, that’s just not for me. Miller and I started making some maps around this location that we’ve already searched, and so far we’ve covered a decent amount of ground, but it’s nothing compared to how big this planet is. Eventually we run out of supplies or come back for more water, but at least we finally have a better idea of what’s relatively near us. We need to know a lot more about what’s out here though, and we need definitely need more water sources. But yeah, that means I’ve been scarce, I guess.”

 

She turns her head to look at him, and for a fleeting moment he thinks he sees sadness in her gaze. But then she gives him a tired smile. “It’s strange, isn’t it, how things are so different? We all were together for so long, every day, and now you’re barely ever here, Bellamy is avoiding Echo, Echo’s avoiding Bellamy and she and Emori mostly make themselves vanish or go hunting because things are weird with Octavia and what’s left of Wonkru. I hardly ever see them. Monty and Harper are gone, and things aren’t worked out between everyone and Clarke yet. Abby’s still up on the ship, helping Kane heal and working all the time on more nightblood to wake more people. Jordan’s really busy setting up the farm and helping to test if things are edible… And if I’m not working on building more communication devices or sorting through things I can scrap from the Eligius, then I’m hanging out with Charmaine and this little monster.” She makes a silly face and smiles down at Heidi, missing the concerned frown from Murphy. 

 

He’s surprised at what she says has been occupying her, and doesn’t like the way she’s describing what’s been going on with some of their friends. He thought she would be spending most of her time with Shaw, and part of him wants to ask her about that, wants to know why she didn’t even mention him and what that means. But the question feels stuck in his throat, so he swallows it down and instead forces himself to speak without emotion. “Yeah. It is different.”

 

They sit in comfortable silence together, watching the flames dance and the sparks shoot up into the night sky. Some things on this planet have been similar to what they lost on Earth, and Murphy’s been glad for the dense forest, blue sky and the scent of a wood fire on the air again. Like him, Miller’s not a big talker, so he’s been decent company and it’s been good to have something necessary to do, exploring this planet and learning about what could be dangerous and what isn’t. And it came with the added bonus of getting him away from camp, where he could avoid having to see things he didn’t want to be confronted with. 

 

Heidi’s cries start to get louder, and Raven sits up to bounce her a little as she tries to calm her down. For such a little baby, she makes a pretty big noise, Murphy concludes. It’s clear Raven’s got some practice with this as she attempts a few different techniques to make the baby happy again. Nothing’s working though, and after a little while suddenly Raven leans into his side and deftly slips the wiggling bundle into his arms. “Here, you try. Sometimes she likes a change of scenery.”

 

“What, no! Raven, take it back! I don’t want to hold it!”

 

“Murphy! First, she’s a she, not an it. And she’s only two months old, she’s not going to bite you.” Raven rolls her eyes at him and adjusts his hand on the baby’s back. “There, see? You’re something new and she’s already less fussy.”

 

He glares at her but she’s not wrong. Heidi has quieted down, leaving him awkwardly holding her and feeling like he’s completely out of his element as the tiny baby stares up at him. “Great, your plan worked. Now you can take her back.”

 

Raven’s brown eyes sparkle in the firelight as she meets his gaze. “Nope. You should never disturb a quiet baby if you don’t have to. You get her until her next baby crisis hits. I told Charmaine I’d take Heidi for at least an hour so she could sleep, and I’ve still got time to kill.” Raven lounges back onto the log behind her and yawns, a little chillier now that Heidi isn’t helping to keep her warm. 

 

He grumbles something under his breath in response that’s probably rude, so she doesn’t bother to reply. Instead she looks towards the brightly burning flames and lets her mind wander. She didn’t say it during their conversation, but she’s missed Murphy with him being out of camp so much. She knows he and Emori had argued after they first landed and figures he’s just needed the time away to think, but it’s unexpected how unsettled she’s felt with him gone and the rest of her friends barely spending time together. Part of it is everybody adjusting to this new reality and new planet, she knows, but she also suspects they’re all grieving for what they’ve lost, and don’t know how to interact with each other with so many relationships having changed. It seems pretty obvious that Murphy and Emori are still broken up, and with Bellamy and Echo deciding to end things too, they’re all just adrift and don’t know how to define what they all still mean to each other. Raven sighs wearily, deciding to put it all out of her mind for once and just enjoy the beauty of the cool night and the quiet company of the man beside her. As the minutes silently pass by, the fatigue takes over until her eyelids grow too heavy to keep open, and she falls asleep, her head nodding sideways and coming to rest on Murphy’s shoulder. 

 

When he feels the unexpected touch, Murphy stiffens slightly, but it only takes a moment for him to understand Raven’s asleep. He’d heard her sigh about ten minutes ago and didn’t realize she was so close to fading off. He looks down at the now napping baby tucked into the crook of his arm and self-deprecatingly wonders what it says about him that his presence induced sleep in more than one female, but he couldn’t deny that he was glad he’d been the only one out here when Raven had chanced to wander over this late. This was the longest stretch of time he’d been away from camp yet, and he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t acknowledge that he’d been looking forward to seeing her. He should probably tell her he’s sorry he’s done such a shitty job of keeping an eye on her lately, and if he was a better person he’d also tell her that he missed her while he’s been gone, but that comes too perilously close to admitting things that are better left unsaid, so he knows he won’t do it. But in the peaceful solitude of this foreign world, he can at least admit to himself that sitting here in the dark and quiet, with the warm weight of Raven pressed against him and the baby in his lap, has been the first time that he’s felt content since they landed. 

 

***************

 

It’s probably been almost two hours, he estimates, when he hears someone else approaching the fire. Murphy turns his head to see who it is and the slight twinge of discomfort he feels at the motion tells him that his body is going to punish him for sitting still for so long. He’d just been debating over who to disturb in order to put some more wood onto the dwindling fire, but now it looks like he won’t have to make a choice. 

 

“Well, doesn’t this look nice and cozy.” Charmaine Diyoza drawls in a hushed voice. “Looks like somebody got both my girls to sleep.”

 

His gaze sharpens dangerously at that comment and she smiles smugly at him, holding up her hand in surrender. “Take it easy, Murphy, my interests lie elsewhere. But I am glad she’s gotten some rest - Heidi’s kept her up too much lately even though she’s been a good sport about it. I guess I have both of you to thank since I just got some much-needed sleep myself.”

 

Curiously, Diyoza doesn’t make an effort to take the baby from him, instead warming her hands at the fire and expertly putting another few logs onto the small pile that remains. When they catch, it doesn’t take long for them to ignite and the air around them heats up pleasantly. 

 

He weighs his options. He doesn’t exactly trust her, but with him spending so much time away from camp, he needs to know a few things, and who better to ask than Raven’s roommate, who she’s already admitted to spending time with. He checks to make sure Raven’s still sleeping soundly before he looks back at Diyoza. “Is she doing okay here?” he asks her, his muted but firm tone making it obvious what he wants to know. 

 

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Diyoza tilts her head to assess him. He doesn’t look away, and she must find what she’s seeking, because when she answers, it’s with a kinder demeanor than he’s expecting from her. “Yes and no. She spends a decent chunk of her time when she’s not working with me and Heidi, and I’ll be honest - I’m grateful for that. I don’t think I could have gotten through coming down here without her help. I don’t expect you to trust me after everything that’s happened, but you should know that besides Abby and Kane, Raven’s the only person I consider a friend. So for whatever that’s worth to you, I’m not planning on doing anything to ruin that, and I won’t let anybody else fucking ruin it either.” She looks determinedly at him to make her point, and he has no doubt she’d be ruthless about it if someone got in her way. “As far as the rest is concerned, I think she’s kind of lonely. I don’t know why, but she seems to be avoiding Shaw. She should have more company than an outcast and a baby, but the rest of your people, or whatever you wanna call them, seem pretty shitty and self-absorbed, at least since I’ve been down here - except for Jordan, he’s sweet. When Raven has time, she makes sure they eat together. But he spends most of his time trying to grow food,” she shrugs. 

 

He clenches his jaw in frustration and wonders what the fuck has been going on here while he’s been away. It’s not easy but he nods his head at Diyoza and feels satisfied she’s telling him the truth. “Thanks,” he manages to tell her, and there’s only a little bit of begrudging attitude in it. 

 

“You planning on doing something about all that?” she questions. 

 

He lifts his arm where Heidi is nestled against him, offering her up for Diyoza to take, and she steps closer to do so. “You could say that. And I guess you might be offended by this, but your kid seems decent so far. Hopefully she’ll roll a good distance from the family trees.”

 

Diyoza laughs boldly. “I might decide to like you after all, Murphy. Try not to fuck that up.” She strolls away slowly, the baby still asleep in her arms. He shakes his head, his own opinion not fully made up. Like it or not, it seems she’s been a friend to Raven when the rest of them have been screwing around for whatever reasons, and for that she’ll get his reluctant appreciation. 

 

Murphy stretches the arm that was holding Heidi, feeling some pins and needles, and turns slightly to rub his fingers across Raven’s wrist. She raises her head and blinks her eyes sleepily at him, a bit disoriented. “Hey. Diyoza just came to get the baby. You were out here about two hours and all three of you got some sleep. You should go back to your tent now, it’s gotten colder.”

 

Raven sits up and briefly takes in her surroundings as if to remind herself where she is, then gives him a complicated look that he doesn’t know how to decipher. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep and leave you to hold Heidi that long. You should have woken me up.”

 

“It’s not a big deal,” he shrugs, but she keeps looking at him like it is. Wanting to fill the profound silence that was growing between them the longer they stare at each other, he grins and attempts to lighten the mood. “If she’s not more careful, that baby’s first word is going to be ‘fuck’, though.”

 

The bright grin she directs at him feels something like a punch to the gut after going so many days without seeing it, and he struggles to focus on what she’s saying. “...kept getting on her about it. If you can believe it, she’s actually improving.”

 

He nods, feeling rattled and hoping that’s the right response. Rising to his feet, he belatedly realizes she probably needs some help standing and she takes his hand gratefully as he pulls her up, her body brushing against his. She winces a little, likely feeling stiff, and unpredictably wraps her arms around his neck in a tight hug. His arms curl around her waist in response, and surely she can feel the thudding of his heart in his chest as she’s held against him. 

 

“Thanks, Murphy,” she murmured. “I’ve missed you. Don’t stay away so long again, okay?” 

 

“Okay,” he composes himself enough to reply, and she hovers in the embrace for another moment before stepping out of his arms with a small smile. Murphy watches her walk back towards her tent until he almost can’t see her anymore, then turns back to the fire, letting out a shaky breath. A month away and not even a full night returned to camp, and already his willpower is crumbling. 


	2. Chapter 2

 

He gives up on sleep and spends the first part of the next day observing, trying to find out what’s happening with his friends, and he looks on as Emori and Echo grab something to eat earlier than everyone else in camp and then head into the woods to hunt. Most of the rest of the people on the ground rise and eat a little later, gathered at a small group of tables under one of the open-air roofs that have been built. Raven and Diyoza sit together, taking turns holding the baby, and he sees Bellamy sit with Clarke and Madi, although his eyes often dart to Octavia. Most of the people he knows from the Wonkru group stick together, although Shaw, Jackson and Miller are sitting at a table a little farther away. Murphy gets a glimpse of Miller unrolling a few of the maps they’ve been working on, and he assumes they’re discussing potential locations for a radio tower that Miller’s been mentioning lately. Jordan comes in but never even bothers to sit down, eating so quickly that Murphy almost misses him. 

 

After they all finish, Raven heads to an area she’s gathered all her supplies in, and Bellamy takes off on his own for what looks like a run. Murphy goes looking for Jordan and ends up spending the rest of the day with him, turning over a huge section of dirt to be designated as another area of farmland while Jordan tests some soil samples and adds fertilizers. By the time he takes a break, he realizes they’ve skipped lunch, so he doesn’t know what that dynamic ends up being. He convinces Jordan to ditch working in time for a dip in the lake to clean up before dinner, but they’re still a little late. He maneuvers them over to the same table as Raven, who’s again with Diyoza and Heidi, and it’s easy to read the delighted look on her face when they both sit down. And although it was blink-and-you-might-miss-it-fast, there’s a flash of approval in Diyoza’s eyes when she nods at him. Initially Murphy thought the meal might be a little uncomfortable, but Raven and Jordan easily keep the conversation going, with Diyoza interrupting every now and then to ask a question or drop in a biting comment. Murphy primarily listens, although he does join in with Raven on a few stories about Monty and Harper and their time on the Ring. Out of the corner of his eye, he knows that Bellamy’s been casting looks over at them, but once again, Emori and Echo are nowhere to be seen. 

 

That evening, it seems like most of those in camp relax by the lake, a few people willing to face the chilly water for a swim, and others go off to spar or weapons train. He does spot Echo over by Madi while they evaluate some of the fighting techniques, and Clarke and Octavia are both watching too, but not standing near each other. Eventually he finds Raven and Diyoza sitting by a campfire near the lake, the baby sleeping in a small blanket-lined crate between them. Raven’s got a pile of gadgets next to her and is peeling a coil of wires apart, and Diyoza has a knife and an oddly-shaped block of wood that she’s hacking away at. When he raises his eyebrows in her direction, it’s Raven who answers. 

 

“Charmaine is determined to turn that piece of wood into a dog for Heidi. She’s never done anything like that before so it’s gonna take a while.” Raven gives her a sly look, clearly enjoying teasing her. 

 

“Better watch it, Raven. I may be bad at carving the wood, but I’m definitely good at other knife skills, such as stabbing people who make fun of me.”

 

“You know where I sleep if you think you can go through with it,” Raven laughs, and the two continue to chat easily with each other while Murphy scans the shoreline and half-listens. 

 

Based on what he’s observed so far, Murphy considers, Diyoza definitely meant it when she said Raven was her friend, and she’s clearly doing a better job than anybody else has been. He looks out over the lake again and confirms that no, none of their friends are around, and decides that tomorrow is the time for a few conversations. Before he can ask if either of them have seen Jordan, Miller walks over to him, nodding at both women in greeting. 

 

“Hey, man. Shaw has narrowed it down to two locations on our map for the radio tower. He’s got some questions though, so we’re gonna have to hike back to one of them and check it out again and then report so he can make a final decision. It’ll be a three-day trek. I know we just got back, but you wanna go out tomorrow?”

 

“I can’t tomorrow, but the morning after that is fine,” Murphy tells him. 

 

“Sounds good. I’ll let Shaw know and I’ll handle my share of the gear like normal, but why don’t you come with me now and take a look at where we’re going on the map so we can decide the route and I’ll know how much rations and which gear to pack.” Miller requests, and Murphy shrugs in agreement. He tells Raven he’ll see her later and heads back towards the camp with Miller.

 

Fingers running through the wire in her lap, Raven’s more subdued once he’s gone, and Diyoza picks up on it. “It’ll only be for three days,” Charmaine reminds her, after many minutes of silence between them. 

 

Raven looks up defensively. “I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You didn’t have to,” Charmaine says bluntly. 

 

Sighing, Raven stops fidgeting with the wiring. “It was so surreal, waking up after all that time, and finding out that Harper and Monty were just… gone. I know that no one is ever really prepared for death happening to people they care about, but I just feel better when everyone’s together. Even though we’re all weird right now, I can still see them around, I know they’re physically okay, at least. When Murphy goes off exploring…I don’t like wondering if he’s safe. I just feel better when I can see everyone, that’s all.”

 

“Sure, you’re right, that’s all it probably is,” Charmaine agrees, and for once Raven has no idea whether she’s fucking with her or not. 

  
  


***************

  
  


“What the hell, Echo?” Murphy deliberately interrupts just as she’s about to take a shot with her bow, making her miss the fat turkey-like creature she’d been tracking through the woods since very early the next morning. He’d been following her for about an hour before he decided to make his presence known, having been unable to sleep much the night before due to Bellamy’s damned snoring. At this rate, he should probably just give up and sleep by the campfire, he figures. 

 

“Murphy! What the fuck is the matter with you, we could use that meat!” Echo spins around to yell at him. 

 

He shrugs. “You’ll track it again, and besides, you didn’t even know I was following you for the last hour, which tells me you’re off your game in more ways than I thought, so I don’t really care right now whether you’re happy with me. Sit down - we need to talk.”

 

Echo looks at him with a blank face, but he’s familiar enough to know that she’s embarrassed that she didn’t pick up on him tracking her. He’s actually really good at being sneaky when he wants to be, but the fact that he got one over on  _ her _ is going to sting.

 

“What do you want to talk about?” she grumbles, sitting down on a tree stump. 

 

“Everything has gone to shit around here while I’ve been gone, that’s what I want to talk about! Look, I know we’re all going through some stuff, but I get back here and what do I see? You and Emori are off hunting all the fucking time and Raven’s on her own and working too much. Bellamy’s doing who the fuck knows what and Jordan hardly even remembers to eat. None of you sit together, you don’t even talk, and Raven’s only friend is a damned manipulative criminal who now we all have to be grateful to because she’s the only one keeping her from working herself sick. Seriously, Echo - what the hell?”

 

“You’re one to talk, Murphy, with your avoidance by absence strategy! Since we got here, you barely stay in camp more than a few days at a time! You don’t even bother to stick around, but you’re going to lecture _ me _ about what’s going on?” Echo sneers at him, jumping to her feet. 

 

“Yeah, I admit it, I haven’t been doing a good job either. A shit job, in fact. But I came back the other night and when I got here, I actually looked around and paid attention, and I’m starting to fucking  _ fix it _ . I mean, damn. I get that you, me and Emori are not the sentimental family people of the group. Harper and Monty were good at that, and Raven is too when you get her away from whatever project she’s working on, and even Bellamy is better than us. But now what, we’re all hardly even talking to each other? I at least thought you women would have some kind of female solidarity or some shit going on. And don’t call me out on that - I’ll be yelling at Bellamy next for his inadequacy.”

 

Echo sighs and sits back down, running her hands down her face. “You’re right. I have been doing a crap job of this, and I did notice it’s gotten out of hand but I’ve  _ still _ done nothing about it. Things between Bellamy and me are so much more awkward than I expected since we broke up. I’ve been wrapped up in that and feeling sorry for myself. When I do go around camp, I’m mostly with Madi, trying to avoid… well, everyone else. And with Raven… it’s ridiculous, probably, but I got my feelings hurt when she didn’t even offer to share a tent with me when Bellamy and I split up. I’m not holding a grudge or anything, but it felt like maybe she was glad we broke up, and I don’t know how to talk to her about it and now enough time has gone by that it’s really strange and even harder to talk.”

 

“Oh my god,” Murphy drawls. “It’s possible you are a bigger idiot than I am, Echo! Damn it, if you would just talk to Raven you would know that she didn’t offer to be your roommate for  _ your  _ sake. She thought you’d feel more comfortable with Emori, because Emori wasn’t friends with Clarke like Raven sort of is, and you could vent and spew all that break up shit without worrying. How come I know that and you don’t? And I found that out literally in less than a day, by the way!”

 

“Oh. Fuck,” Echo mutters. “That does make sense.”

 

“Yeah, oh fuck is right.” Murphy shakes his head. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re gonna hurry up and track that turkey thing and bring it back to camp for tonight. Make sure you and Emori are there at normal dinner hour. We’re all just going to have to suck up whatever shit we still have and find a way to get along, at least long enough to be in the same area with each other or to share a meal, because it’s not fair to everyone else. I’ll take care of getting Bellamy, Raven & Jordan there tonight. Even if the only thing we can manage is to talk about Harper and Monty, it’ll be better than what we’ve currently got.” 

 

He gets to his feet and gives Echo a severe look. “I promised Raven I won’t stay away for so long again, but I have to leave on a short scouting hike tomorrow morning and I’ll be gone three days or so. I mean it, Echo. Keep a better fucking eye on Raven and Jordan. Besides both of them having a tendency to drown themselves with keeping busy, we still don’t have any idea about what this planet could hold, and if something happens, which it always does, we need to stick together.”

 

Echo nods. “You’re right, for all of it. Raven was the only one trying to keep us together and we all let our personal stuff get in the way. I’ve been...upset, but I won’t let that happen again. I didn’t spend six years with all of you only to just completely give up on our group afterwards. Raven and Jordan will get much better supervision from me.”

 

“Well don’t let them know that’s what it  _ is _ , or they won’t put up with it.”

 

“They’re really smart, Murphy. They’re going to know.” Echo smiles. “Lucky for us, they  _ will  _ put up with it because some of us show affection with over-protectiveness and they’ll figure that out pretty quickly.”

 

“I don’t care what we call it, just as long as it happens.” He starts walking out of the forest in the direction of camp, ready for conversation number two. 

  
  


***************

 

Murphy thought he might have trouble finding Bellamy that morning, since he wasn’t really sure what kind of a routine he had, but after he’d talked with Echo and returned to his tent, he got lucky and overheard a few people chatting, finding out that Bellamy was chopping wood on the outskirts of camp. He got two containers of water and headed in that direction. When he saw the large pile of wood and a few extra axes nearby, he took off his shirt and joined Bellamy in the sweaty task, figuring it might make him more amenable to their talk afterwards, and at the very least, he could take some of his frustrations out on the wood. 

 

Two hours later, they sat on a few of the unsplit logs, guzzling the water and wiping their faces. “Before you even get started,” Bellamy begins, “I already know what you’re going to say.”

 

Murphy looks over at him and raises his eyebrow. “Oh? And what is it I’m going to say?”

 

“You’re going to say I’ve got my head up my ass, which is unfortunately true. And you’re going to say that things are a mess, which is also unfortunately true. And you’re going to say I gotta do better, which I totally agree with.”

 

Nodding slowly, Murphy takes another gulp of water. “Yeah. I probably would have said all those things, they do sound dead on. But I would also say that a few people we both care about have been paying the price for all the stupid shit going on around here, and I’m pretty fucking mad at you for letting it go on so long and not doing anything about it.” 

 

Bellamy rubs the back of his neck and ducks his head. “That’s valid, too. I’d understand if you want to take a few swings at me.”

 

Murphy scoffs. “That might make  _ me _ feel better, but it’s not me you should really be making amends with and you know it.” He glares at Bellamy. “Raven’s been sad and lonely, Jordan barely eats and seems to hardly talk to anyone, and both of them are working too hard. None of you are talking to each other. And for fuck’s sake, how is it  _ me _ bringing this to everyone’s attention? We’ve all dropped the ball here, Bell, but even though I stayed away too long for my own reasons, the scouting still had to get done, and I trusted you to keep an eye on them while I was gone. If I had known you weren’t doing that, or that you weren’t capable of doing that, I wouldn’t have left and you know it.”

 

“I don’t know what to say, Murphy, other than you’re completely right. I’ve always lectured you about being honest with your feelings, but I haven’t been doing it myself. I’m feeling all kinds of conflicting things about Echo, about Clarke, about Octavia… about being on this planet and starting over again. I’ve just let everything distract me, and I should’ve told you the last time you left that things had been falling apart in the group. I can’t even remember the last time I had an actual conversation with Raven, and there’s no excuse for that, I know it.”

 

There’s too much anger inside of Murphy still to let Bellamy off that easy, and he wants to dig deeper, to make it really count, and maybe even make it more painful so Bellamy really  _ gets it _ . “You remember when you told us that Raven needed to stay behind on the Eligius, but that she’d be okay because there was an escape pod if she needed it? She lied to you, knowing you wouldn’t leave her there otherwise, but there was no fucking escape pod, Bellamy.” Murphy’s savagely pleased to see that Bellamy at least looks stricken by this information. “Raven cared enough about the rest of our sorry asses to be willing to sacrifice herself and potentially die alone in space, and you haven’t managed to have a conversation with her for at least a month because you got  _ distracted _ . Let that sink in, and know that while I feel plenty guilty about staying away, I hope the fuck you feel a huge weight on your shoulders right now. You were  _ here _ and you saw it falling apart and didn’t do anything about it. And don’t even get me started on how you’ve barely checked in with Jordan! Just get your fucking head back in the game and start trying to fix what you helped break.”

 

Bellamy is quiet while all this sinks in, and then turns to meet Murphy’s hard eyes. “Sometimes I forget how much you’ve mellowed over the years, but then you do something that reminds me of that vicious streak you have and I remember. I deserve that, though.” Bellamy sighs sadly. “I had no idea Raven lied about the escape pod. And then you stayed up there with her, expecting one. You must have been real pissed off about that, being stuck in space again with a good chance of dying up there and no way to get down.”

 

Murphy waves his hand in the air dismissively. “Believe it or not, I wasn’t that mad about it. I probably stewed over it for a half hour or so, then overall I felt like I had made the right decision, not leaving her alone up there. If we died, we died, but I mean, there was still a chance we’d figure something out, Raven being Raven and all. She’s good company, well, most of the time when I’m not pissing her off, anyway… the only time it was bad up there was when all those criminals woke up.” Murphy stares at the ground, remembering. “Never talked so much shit in my life, trying to keep their attention off her. The way some of them looked her up and down, and I could tell she knew it too, which just made it worse… the shock collars were bad, but they were a fucking relief compared to what could have happened if some of those men had gotten their way, and I haven’t forgot there’s a few of them that got rescued and put in cryo. We need to have some serious conversations about whether we’re going to let some of them come down here.” Murphy shoots him a significant look, and Bellamy understands Murphy would prefer if a few of them never woke up at all. 

 

“I hear you. There’s still a lot of people left in cryo on the ship, but at the next group meeting we’ll talk about the handful of serious criminals we’ve still got onboard. I guess it’s a good thing you can be such an asshole, since that probably did manage to piss them off at you instead of focusing on Raven. If she’d been alone up there…” Bellamy trails off, disturbed at the thought. “It’s good you stayed with her. None of us have really talked about the different things that happened to us in those last couple weeks on Earth. We should do that, it’ll probably clear up some things and maybe even help some of the baggage we’re all carrying. If I’d stopped to imagine what it was like for you and Raven up there by yourselves, I probably would have thought you’d have been bickering the whole time until one of you managed to kill the other.”

 

“Nah, we only argued about half the time. The rest of it was actually kind of fun.” Murphy grins fondly. “But as far as the couple weeks on Earth went, pretty sure we all had a shit time of it.” He stands up and stretches his arms out. “Look, I already talked to Echo about this, but tomorrow morning I gotta head out on a trip to one of the spots they might build the radio tower. It’ll take about three days. We all have to do a better job sticking together, especially because if we’ve learned anything at all, it’s that we need to be prepared for shit to go wrong. Everybody is just gonna have to suck up whatever they need to so we can manage to be around each other sometimes, starting with dinner tonight. I told Echo to make sure her and Emori are there, and that I’d get you, Jordan and Raven. You gonna be able to hold a few conversations at the same table as everybody else?”

 

Bellamy nods. “Yeah, I’m done being a self-centered asshole. It’ll be awkward but you’re right, we have to find ways to figure it out. While you’re gone, I’ll be making a lot of apologies, starting with Raven and Jordan. We might not all hang out or eat together all the time, but I’ll make sure everybody’s more included from now on.”

 

“Be prepared to add Diyoza and her baby in your plans, FYI. Raven likes them both and though it pains me to admit it, Diyoza’s been good for her. They’ll both resist if we try to split ‘em up. She likes Jordan, at least, but the rest of us are useless fuckers as far as she’s concerned because Raven’s been lonely. Can’t really blame her for that one,” Murphy adds sarcastically. 

 

“I thought Raven had something going with Shaw,” Bellamy contended. “What happened with that, how come they haven’t been hanging out together?”

 

Murphy’s jaw clenches reflexively. “You’re asking the wrong guy.” 

 

Bellamy deliberately decides to change the subject. “Let’s go for a swim to clean off and you can tell me where you’re headed tomorrow.”

 

Grunting in agreement, Murphy nods and they collect their shirts and water containers and head down to the lake. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no posting schedule for this fic ~ updates just happen when I have the time and am ahead enough on the story. I apologize if that's a little disorganized but this is a really busy time of year for me! Hope everyone is having a good day and enjoys this chapter!

 

In one of those age-old tribal traditions, the survivors on the surface decided to jointly agree on a particular day for doing laundry, and Raven is accompanied by various men and women while they get the weekly job done. They’ve got tubs and buckets for washing and rinsing set up by the lake, and a rope strung between multiple tree branches out in the sun for drying. Jordan and Raven had pushed everyone to keep as much soap out of the lake as possible, not wanting to interrupt the balance of plant life and creatures they’d found there, and for the most part, people had cooperated, dumping out soapy water farther into the trees when everything was finished, and not letting anyone get away with doing full laundry in the lake.

 

Raven didn’t have many clothes left since Earth was destroyed, but had managed to snag another pair of pants, two shirts, sleeping attire and some bras and panties from the stockpile on the Eligius IV. And she was determined to take care of them since she had no idea how she’d get more. She’d been doing her laundry and some of Jordan’s since they arrived, since he’d been so busy, and she’d throw in a few things of Heidi’s now, too. At first she’d hated being pulled away from her own projects for the sake of laundry, but once it had evolved into more of a group activity, she’d been enjoying it and actually tried to draw out her laundry time by washing slowly in order to continue being social and listen to the gossip of the camp.

 

Most of the time Charmaine joined her, but today Heidi was being fussy so she’d stayed back at the tent. Raven had been glad to see Jackson already on the beach, so she’d set up next to him and then Niylah had surprisingly sat down on the other side of her when she’d arrived later. There were a good number of people doing their wash this afternoon - she could see Clarke and Madi working over near Gaia a bit further down the lake. Raven was busy scrubbing at a stubborn dirt stain on one of Jordan’s shirts when Niylah leaned forward to look at her and Jackson with a mischievous grin.

 

“If you go for that sort of thing,” Niylah shares slyly, “you should definitely not miss this.” And she tilts her head off to Raven’s left, and she and Jackson both look over to see what she means.

 

On an emptier area of shoreline about forty yards away, Raven estimates, Bellamy and Murphy are shirtless and stripping off their pants, clearly determined to go for a dip in the chilly waters of the lake. They’re close enough that Raven feels like maybe she shouldn’t be looking, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping her, and she swallows a little uncomfortably, her throat suddenly dry.

 

“Maybe they were doing something sweaty,” Jackson jokes, and Raven feels a startling little catch in her stomach as she watches Murphy stride toward the waters edge, only covered by his underwear.

 

Niylah squints a little harder. “I can see their chests - and they are definitely fine chests, but it’s too bad we’re too far away to make out anything below the waist.”

 

“Niylah!” Raven chastises. “Stop being a perv! I thought you and Octavia had something going on.”

 

“Oh, we do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look. And it’s not like I see _you_ looking away either, Raven!” Niylah raises her eyebrows teasingly at Raven. “Come on, they’re both obviously attractive - I bet you could tell some stories after being stuck with them for six years! Please tell us there were space orgies!”

 

Raven bursts out laughing. “I’m sorry to ruin your fantasies, but no, as far as I know there were absolutely no space orgies! Just couples, and then me, the extra seventh wheel. It was probably nowhere near the interesting sexual adventures in the bunker, I’m sure.”

 

“Oh, Raven,” Jackson fretted, “please don’t say you had a dry spell for all those years.”

 

She shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. I’m not embarrassed about it or anything. It just worked out that way. Besides, I was really obsessed with figuring out a way to get back to Earth at the time.”

 

Jackson and Niylah exchange a conspiring look. “Lucky for you, now you’ve got us to help you end that drought. Do you want to go with a man or a woman to get back into things? You’re hot, and there’s plenty of people here who want to have sex with you, so we could arrange for both, if you want.” Niylah suggests, and suddenly Raven feels like she’s in way over her head with these two. Briefly, her eyes flicker back over to where Murphy is swimming in the lake, wishing for things she has no business thinking about.

 

***************

 

Murphy walks back up to his tent for a clean shirt and a jacket after the swim in the lake. He’s cleaner and no longer sweaty, but definitely colder. He’d seen lots of people doing laundry along the shore, and noticed Bellamy’s eyes kept drifting to Clarke, and it was so painfully obvious what was going to happen there that he wished they’d just get to it already and save everyone all the angst.

 

Not that he had much room to point fingers, honestly. His own eyes had strayed toward Raven more than a few times, though he was a lot more discreet about it than Bellamy. That was part of the problem with being in camp again - he was drawn to her whether it was convenient or not. He’d watched as she talked and laughed with Jackson, though his eyes had narrowed at Niylah next to her. He thought she was with Octavia - or at least they had been a thing when he was last at camp. He wasn’t stupid enough to ask Bellamy about it and get him started on the soapbox that was Octavia, however.

 

He heads over to Raven’s tent, looking for the next person he needed to talk with, but Diyoza was nowhere around. She hadn’t been doing laundry with Raven, so he’s unsure where to continue looking. He ends up finding her out by the piles of wood that he and Bellamy had chopped earlier, Heidi snuggled in her arms. When he walks closer, Diyoza gets an unholy gleam in her eye and immediately unloads the baby on him.

 

“Good, here. Hold her so I can get this done.”

 

“Damn it, no! I don’t hold babies, take her back!” He is _not_ the kind of guy that should be holding anyone’s baby, but Diyoza moves on, bent over and walking slow, looking for something on the ground. Resignedly huffing out an annoyed sigh, he puts his hands under the baby like Raven had shown him and looks at Diyoza with a frown on his face.

 

She straightens, looking back at him. “I’m looking for some more chunks of wood to carve. There’s no toys for Heidi unless I make some, and she’s going to need some teethers in the future too. People on Earth used to make wood teething toys for babies, although I have no idea how I’m going to get them smooth enough not to splinter. But if I don’t start on things now, they’ll never get done. So just hold her while I find some good pieces. I should have brought a bag.” With that, Diyoza turns away, completely focused on her task, ignoring his inexperienced clumsiness as he tries to shift the baby to his other arm.

 

“Alright, fine. I’ll hold your baby for a few minutes but I want something in return,” he calls to her, reluctantly following her around so he doesn’t have to yell. Diyoza only grunts in reply, making him wonder if this is how he comes across to most people. No, he decides, he doesn’t want to have anything in common with her. “Look, can you just make an excuse to Raven and not go to dinner with her somehow? I’m forcing our group of friends to sit together tonight, and if you’re there, none of them will talk. And if Raven sees you and Heidi, there’s no way she won’t invite you to join us.”

 

She looks back at him with amusement clear in her expression. “Look at you, all strategy and plans. I’d have pegged you as more of an emotional responder, myself, but maybe you have hidden depths after all. McCreary talked about you, you know.”

 

It’s an effort for him not to clench his hands into fists since he’s holding Heidi, but he can feel his fingers twitch and his voice is rough when he responds. “I should have killed that sick bastard as soon as I had the chance.” It might have been his harsh words, or maybe his hands tightening, but Heidi starts to fuss and he tries to jiggle her the way he saw Raven do it in an attempt to calm her down.

 

A tight-lipped smile spreads across Diyoza’s face, and her tone is full of venom. “Well, that makes two of us, doesn’t it?” She adds another wood piece to the stack in her hands before speaking more calmly. “For what it’s worth though, he liked _you_ . He said you had _potential_. Probably for McCreary, he just meant the potential for really serious violence, but I see it as a different kind of possibility - although obviously you’d be capable of that with the right leverage…” Diyoza trails off but eyes him speculatively, noting that Heidi has quieted again. “Like it or not, Murphy, we have a good bit in common and one of those things is that both our choices right now are influenced by how they’ll affect our mutual friend… so, this time around anyway, I’m happy to follow your plan. Me and Heidi will make ourselves scarce come dinnertime.”

 

The pile in her arms has grown sizeable at this point, but she hands him four pieces to balance in his free arm so she can pick up four more from the ground. She starts to walk away again. “Come on, carry this back to our tent for us.”

 

Murphy scowls in her general direction. “You just want to parade me through camp like one of your criminal underlings, carrying your kid and your carpentry supplies.”

 

“Wow, you really _are_ starting to understand me. I do miss having minions...those were some fun times.”

 

***************

 

Murphy decides to visit Clarke right after lunch, noticing that Madi had headed off with Octavia and Indra. He goes to his tent and grabs his backpack, and finds Clarke sitting far enough away from Madi’s weapons training to not be a distraction, but close enough to watch protectively.

 

He sits down in the reddish-tinged dirt alongside her. “So, Clarke, how’s things?”

 

She looks at him warily, but there’s a half-smile on her lips, so he knows she’s happy to see him. “Haven’t seen you around here for quite a while, Murphy. You’ve been missing out on all the fun.”

 

“Been busy,” he shrugs.

 

“I heard. But I have gotten a look at the maps you and Miller have been working on. They’re really helpful. Part of me wants to go with you to explore, but Madi needs to be here, so… I don’t think it’s in the cards for a while.”

 

“You know the invitation is there when you want it. Me and Miller don’t mind company as long as it doesn’t talk the whole time.” Clarke laughs and watches as Madi blocks a thrust from Octavia’s sword.

 

Murphy pulls his backpack into his lap. “I managed to find something of yours that I think you’ll really be interested in, but I gotta tell you that if you want it back, I want a few favors in return.”

 

Clarke raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Everything I’ve got, I’m pretty much wearing, Murphy, so I’m not sure what you could have that’s mine.”

 

“Oh, I think you’ll find that it’s worth the price of what I’m asking,” Murphy baits, and then opens the pack and pulls out Clarke’s old sketchbook.

 

She gasps in absolute shock, and holds out her hands for it. “Oh my god! Murphy, where… how do you even have this? This is amazing, I can’t believe it!”

 

“Yeah, I know, I am pretty amazing,” he grins. “Honestly, it wasn’t completely my doing that it’s here, but I’m going to take full credit because I do need a few things.”

 

“Yes, yes, absolutely! What do you want? You could almost ask for anything, I’m so thrilled to see this! Seriously, how’d you get it?”

 

“When I escaped the Gagarin with the shock collar on, McCreary was one of the men who tracked me. Emori and I eventually caught him as our prisoner and that turned into a whole thing. But while we had him, I looked through his stuff, and he had this. I took it and I had it most of the rest of the time we were on Earth. I found a backpack at that church in Shallow Valley and I just kept throwing stuff in there whenever I found something useful. The bag was in the Rover with me when we went to save Bellamy and I got shot. I lost track of it then, but I guess when people were taking things out of the Rover in preparation for fleeing, my bag went too. I found it on the Eligius not long after we got woken up and I took it back.”

 

“Why give this to me now and not in the whole time we’ve been here, though?” Clarke questions, carefully looking through the pages in the worn book with a happy grin on her face.

 

“Eh, what can I say? I like to be dramatic. And now I want something from you, so there’s that.” Murphy smirks. “I don’t think it’s even a question, but obviously I looked at all your drawings in there. The first two favors I’m gonna ask for are things I think you’d do anyway, so we’re not going to count them as my price, got it?”

 

“Geez, Murphy, you make this sound kind of ominous. How about you just spell it out for me?” Clarke demands.

 

“Fine. There’s a drawing in here of Jasper, Monty and Harper, sitting around a campfire. I want you to give that one to Jordan. And there’s a really nice one of Raven and Sinclair together that she should have. Those are the ones you’d probably do anyway, yeah?”

 

Clarke nods slowly. “Yes, that does sound like what I should do. Alright, those two are a given. What is it that _you_ want?”

 

Murphy rolls his eyes. “I owe Diyoza for something. When I remembered I had this sketchbook, I figure I can kill two birds with one stone. I want you to draw a picture of Heidi and when it’s finished, give it to Diyoza and tell her Murphy said we’re even - she’ll know what for. And the other part of the favor is that you can use the picture as an excuse to approach Raven while she has the baby with her, and the two of you can use the time while you sketch to talk and fix whatever’s still weird with you both.”

 

Clarke grimaces. “I’ve got to give you credit, Murphy. You are one cagey asshole.”

 

“I’ll accept that and take it as the compliment it was meant to be. You agree to my terms, right?”

 

She sighs. “Yeah, of course I do. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to Raven, I just don’t know exactly what to say, and honestly I still feel pretty pissed off when I think about Madi being used as the Commander by anybody.”

 

Murphy stretches out on his back, arms under his head, more relaxed now that he’s accomplished his goal. “Not everybody was in Polis like you and me were, Clarke, and not everybody had your first-hand experience with Lexa as the Commander either. They didn’t see all those nightblood kids, they didn’t necessarily know about all of them being killed in their sleep by Ontari so she could supposedly ‘win’ the conclave to be the next Commander. They didn’t know Titus and all that Flamekeeper shit… I mean, for Echo, that’s what she was raised to believe in, so she didn’t see anything wrong with Madi being the rightful Commander since she had the Flame, and especially when she found out Bellamy was in trouble, that was it for her - she just went into ‘here’s what’s going to happen’ mode. When I tried to speak up about it, she shut me down real quick and didn’t want me to go along with them. She took Raven, but most of Raven’s experience with the Nightbloods was Lexa, who had a lot of power and controlled all the clans, and Luna, who clearly was an anomaly that Raven really liked, and then she knew you survived Praimfaya because you were a Nightblood too. To other people, being a Nightblood wasn’t the bad thing that you saw it as, mostly because they just didn’t have the same information you did.” Murphy tilts his head to see Clarke with a thoughtful look on her face.

 

Wanting to make Clarke understand more, he continues. “I’m not saying any of us were fully right or fully wrong, but from our perspective, you’d left Bellamy to die and Monty and Harper were with him and were in harm’s way too. And then Raven sees Madi with a shock collar that _you_ put there, and as she was sadly familiar with that collar at the time, she knew it fucking hurts. So tell her you’re mad, tell her your perspective about it all, but don’t paint her as someone who was just looking to put Madi in harm’s way or go against you, because that’s not what it was. Everybody just wanted to save people they cared about.”

 

“Hmmm. Maybe I should call start calling you the cagey asshole therapist instead of just the cagey asshole.”

 

He gets to his feet and gathers his backpack, a shrewd grin tugging on his lips. “Keep in mind, if I’m too in demand, I’ll have to raise my rates.”

 

Clarke squints up at him and smiles. “Thanks, Murphy. For both the sketchbook and the advice. I’ll do the drawing in the next couple of days.”

 

“Sounds good. I’ll be out of camp, doing a trip to look at one of the sights for a possible radio tower.” Murphy starts to walk back to camp, but then spins around as if he’d just remembered something. “Oh, hey, Clarke - is Octavia involved with anyone right now?”

 

She furrows her brow. “She’s been with Niylah for quite a while, I thought you’d know that. They’re not hiding it or anything. Why? You interested?”

 

“Not even the slightest bit,” Murphy scoffs, “I was just checking. See ya.”

 

***************

 

He found Emori sitting outside the tent she shares with Echo, and she didn’t look surprised to see him. “I wondered when you’d be by,” she casually greets him.

 

“Makin’ my rounds,” Murphy answers with a shrug of one shoulder, and he leans against a nearby tree and watches as she sews a patch on a pair of pants. “Echo tell you about dinner tonight?”

 

“Yeah. She came back from hunting a couple hours ago - with some kind of fat bird, I don’t know what it was - and told me you wanted everyone to sit together tonight.” She looks up at him with a half smile. “We need to do it, but I don’t know how well it’s going to go. Things haven’t been so great with all of us for quite a while now.”

 

“I guess I missed a lot by not being here regularly,” he concedes, slouching a little further down the tree.

 

Emori waves a hand. “It kind of happened in stages, I guess. Honestly Raven was the last hold out who was trying to fix it, before you. She kept asking me to sit with her to eat, or help her with the radios… but I was a jerk about it, and for no good reason, really, other than it was just easier not to be around anyone besides Echo because then I didn’t have to think about how everything had changed.” She drops the needle in her lap and looks thoughtful. “I met some people from the bunker, once we got down here, who used to be part of Sangedakru. We knew some of the same families, years ago, so we started hanging out more. It’s been… nice, to reconnect with that part of my past. I got caught up in it. Between that and going with Echo to hunt, I didn’t have to think much about what’s been lost…”

 

“I get that everybody might’ve needed a break - obviously I took off because I wanted alone time, too, and I’m not so petty to deny it to everyone else. But were the rest of you just going to let it keep going on indefinitely?” Murphy wonders.

 

She leans forward and a sad look crosses her face. “I’d like to say no, but I can’t be sure how long it would have lasted without you coming back and pushing us all towards each other. Look, at first it made sense, everyone sort of drifting apart, because Echo and Bellamy weren’t together and Raven and Jordan were so busy figuring out what plants we could eat and we were all on edge, just coming down here and trying to settle. I started helping Echo hunt, and that pretty much made up all our days, and I think we really did just feel exhausted at night. But then it just kept going and there’s been a few hurt feelings, and I think we all feel guilty and kind of embarrassed about it now. Although Raven might actually be a bit mad at the rest of us, and I don’t blame her. She kept reaching out to all of us until she started spending more time with Diyoza and her baby, and that was at least a month ago.”

 

“She doesn’t know I’m pushing everyone together tonight. I don’t think she’s mad but if dinner goes alright, that’ll go a ways to making her feel better if she is. I asked Diyoza to stay away so it can just be us, though.”

 

“That’ll be better. The rest of us really don’t know her very well and can’t help but question why Raven seems to like her,” Emori agrees. “I did want to tell you that you were right, by the way.”

 

Murphy raises his eyebrow. “I’m right a lot of times - which time was this?”

 

Emori grins. “After we woke up and you were reluctant to get back together, I was mad at you about it. Once you left and weren’t in camp for a while, I could see things more clearly and wasn’t as sentimental about it anymore. You were right to stay firm. No offense, but I would have regretted it if I had gotten my way.”

 

He laughs. “None taken. I’m glad we’re on the same page about it. I never wanted to hurt your feelings.”

 

“I know. We were good for each other once, it’s just that our needs changed. I had that figured out on the Ring but then everything got crazy on Earth in such a short amount of time, and when we woke up from cryo without our friends and so far out in space… I guess I just wanted something familiar at first. I’m glad we’re on the same page, too… you know, since we broke up on the Ring til now, not counting our sleep or that not-very-well-thought-out kiss we shared, it’s actually been about a year since we broke up.”

 

“A year, huh? My sense of time has gotten really fucked up since all this. I guess that sounds about right.”

 

“Well, I want you to hear it from me - I’ve started seeing someone I met from the bunker. It’s not serious, but I don’t know… I want to find out if it could be.” Emori admits with a small smile.

 

Murphy straightens and meets her gaze. “If it makes you happy, then that’s good. Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

 

“I know that, but I appreciate you saying it,” she asserts. “I think we both deserve to be happy, no matter who it’s with. So what about you, then? Are you ever going to admit to yourself - “

 

“Surprisingly,” Murphy interrupts with his typical sarcasm, “I don’t think taking relationship advice from my ex-girlfriend is on my schedule today. So I’ll see you at dinner, then.” And he starts to walk off before the conversation can continue.

 

“You can ignore it all you want,” Emori calls after him, “but that won’t make it go away!” She shakes her head affectionately, hopeful that things might be going where they should be, for all of them.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun with this chapter because Charmaine Diyoza really steals the show! I may be writing her, but she's definitely the one in charge here.

 

 

He succeeds in pulling Jordan away from some kind of elaborate test he’s arranged for two different varieties of berries they’ve found in the woods, and they clean themselves up in enough time to arrive a little early for dinner. Apparently a few other people had gone hunting in addition to Echo that morning, because there were multiple types of meat available for everyone to choose from. He and Jordan are filling their plates when Raven comes up behind him. 

 

“Hi,” she says, and elbows his arm in greeting, “I didn’t see much of you today.”

 

“Stuff to do before I head out in the morning,” Murphy explains. “Although I did see you earlier near the lake doing laundry.”

 

“Oh. Yeah.… By the way, it’s too late for this week, but if you want to give me your shirts and pants, I’ll wash them for you next time.”

 

He turns to stare at her, a skeptical look clearly overtaking his features. “You’re volunteering to do my laundry?”

 

Raven rolls her eyes. “Not  _ all _ of your laundry, Murphy. It’s not like any of us have that many clothes, but I already do some of Jordan’s and a few things for Heidi along with my own, just as a favor. Now that it’s kind of a group activity every week, I don’t mind it and it’s almost fun… although today got a little out of hand.”

 

To his amusement, a pink tinge washes over Raven’s cheeks and she won’t meet his eyes. “Really,” he teases, “how does  _ laundry _ get out of hand?”

 

She sneaks a peak around him at Jordan as they finish loading up their plates and make their way to the table Raven normally sits at, and lowers her voice just to reach Murphy’s ears. “Let’s just say the conversation was kind of eye-opening regarding how  _ adventurous _ things got in the bunker while we were up in space.”

 

Intrigued, he pulls out a chair across from her and sits down, but before he can ask for more details, Raven is kicking his leg under the table and tilting her head towards Jordan, who has taken a seat on her right. “If you want to know more, Murphy, why don’t you ask Miller while the two of you are off on your adventure tomorrow? I have it on good authority that he’s got  _ plenty _ of details. In fact, I wish I could erase most of my conversation with Jackson and Niylah from my brain. But enough about that,” she shoots Murphy a warning glare. “Jordan, how did the test run go with the berries today?”

 

Jordan gives her a big grin, enthusiastic to talk about how the purple berry shows ‘remarkable progress’, although Murphy has no idea what kind of progress a berry can make. Deciding he doesn’t need to pay too much attention to their conversation, he wonders how awkward it would be to ask Miller about the supposed sex adventures in the bunker without making it too obvious that’s what he was asking about. He’s halfway to a solid plan when Bellamy pulls out the chair next to him, looking across the table at Jordan and Raven and asking them if they mind if he sits down. 

 

Murphy watches as Jordan lights up, obviously pleased with his presence. Raven’s reaction is not as conspicuous but he notices the quick smile that tugs at her lips before she tells Bellamy about the work Jordan’s doing, deliberately updating him on the latest experiment. A few minutes later, Echo swings another chair over to the table next to his own, and Emori takes the seat across from her on Raven’s other side. All three women look stiff and a little wary, and he thinks maybe this isn’t going to go as well as he’d anticipated. Raven’s looking down at her food, Emori is exchanging panicked glances with Echo, and Bellamy and Jordan are oblivious to the entire drama, talking away at each other. Murphy is about to make a joke about the food at least not sending him into a coma when Echo clears her throat. 

 

“Raven, how are things going with you sharing a tent with Diyoza and her baby? Heidi seems pretty cute.” Echo uncharacteristically bites her lip, revealing her nervousness. As clumsy as the attempt is, Raven seems to appreciate the effort, her shoulders loosening as she smiles tentatively at Echo and launches into an affectionate story in response. 

 

After that, the rest of the meal goes a little more smoothly, except Murphy doesn’t find himself relaxing fully until he feels a soft bump against his boot under the table as he’s talking to Bellamy. He flicks his eyes briefly across the table towards Raven, knowing it’s her, but she seems engrossed in what Echo and Emori are telling her about some of the wild animals they’ve come across in the forest. She doesn’t spare him a glance when her foot sidles further alongside his, and he knows her well enough to accept that it’s her way of saying thanks for the efforts he’s made. He is a little overwhelmed when her foot stays tucked against his, though, neither of them moving, until dinner eventually comes to a successful end.

  
  


***************

  
  


After dinner, Raven makes her excuses, promising to come to the campfire at the lake later that night when Jordan asks what her plans are. She wants to bring a plate of food to Charmaine, but even more, she needs to gather her thoughts. She pushes aside the opening to her tent to see Charmaine nursing Heidi on the folded blankets that pad the ground. 

 

“You’re such a liar.” Raven harasses, but there’s enough fondness in her tone to alert Charmaine she’s not being mean about it. 

 

“Now you know I prefer the term ‘mendacious’, and I’d even take the word ‘duplicitous’. It’s just that ‘liar’ feels so harsh when I’m trying to turn over a new leaf.” Charmaine holds up her arm, palm extended. “If that’s food for me, give it here! She’s been nursing forever and I’m starving!”

 

Raven passes her the plate and then steps over to the overturned crate they use as a table. Charmaine keeps a container of water and a cup there at all times in order to stay hydrated while feeding Heidi, and Raven figures she’s thirsty as well as hungry, so she pours her some and pushes it close to her before settling onto her own bed of blankets. “You told me you didn’t feel well and that’s why you weren’t coming to dinner. ‘Get me a plate’ you said, so you could rest. I was actually concerned about you, though it didn’t take me that long to figure it out once everybody sat down at the table.”

 

“I’m sure it was miserable without me there, but did you have a nice time?” Charmaine asks between bites. 

 

Sighing, Raven lays down on her makeshift bed and looks up at the cloth overhead. “Yeah, of course I did. That was the first time we all sat down together since soon after we landed. Between Murphy being away from camp and the rest of us being busy or distracted or deliberately avoiding each other, it’s been at least four months, probably more like five, since we all ate as a group without anyone missing. It was a little awkward but by the end it felt like we had made some progress.” 

 

“Good. Maybe your friends will stop being such dumbasses, although I doubt it.”

 

“They’re not dumbasses, they were just… well, we were all just grieving, I think.”

 

Charmaine rolls her eyes, her head tilted as she meets Raven’s gaze. “I concede that Jordan’s not a dumbass. And there’s a small chance that Murphy is not quite the dumbass I considered him to be, but the rest of them have absolutely been dumbasses.”

 

“You’re going to have to get along with them eventually. I don’t have enough time every day to keep you all separate and at some point it would be nice to sit with  _ all _ my friends.” Raven drily remarks. 

 

“Don’t remind me. I’ll eventually fake nice, but until then I’m gonna reserve the right to complain about them. It’s the only fun I get to have any more; you should just let me run with it.”

 

Raven laughs. “I guess I shouldn’t be shocked that you’re starting to warm up to Murphy - the two of you have a similar sense of humor. Maybe that’s why I like you both.”

 

“Pretty sure you like us in very different ways,” Charmaine mumbles, looking down at Heidi. 

 

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.” Raven watches her quizzically, sitting up on her elbows. 

 

“I said, how was laundry today, Raven?” she prevaricates, lifting Heidi away from her and gently settling her into the small crate next to them. “I saw the things you washed for Heidi, thank you.”

 

“No problem. Laundry was fine, but man, I heard some stuff from Niylah and Jackson today! Apparently things got pretty wild in the bunker when it came to sex and hooking up. They were both beside themselves when they heard about my long dry spell. According to them, they could fix me up with any number of people to end the streak - guys, girls, both… it kinda got me thinking about it, actually. I mean, it has been a really long time. Maybe I should just get it over with.”

 

“Okay, first of all, I’m going to have to get some of those bunker sex details so I can live vicariously,” Charmaine declared. “Probably Octavia will tell me all about it - we have that mutual former-evil-dictator-hate-respect going on. Secondly, if you really want to have sex, I think you should just bang it out with Murphy and get it over with already.”

 

Raven’s eyes widen dramatically in consternation, “I don’t… that’s not...he… we’re not like that! He’s my friend, he’s basically family, why would you even say that!”

 

“Keep your voice down or you’ll wake the baby, and then  _ you’ll _ have to get her back to sleep. And I say it because no matter what you call yourselves - friends, family, whatever - you look like two people who are about five minutes away from fucking each other against a wall,” Charmaine accuses. 

 

Raven reddens and folds her arms across her chest, her voice quieted to an angry hiss. “We do not look like that! Are you just trying to piss me off right now?”

 

“No, I’m not trying to piss you off. I thought you were aware of it.” Charmaine shrugs nonchalantly. “Granted, it’s been a while since he’s been around, but there always seems to be sexual tension between the two of you. But what do I know? It’s not like I’ve been trained to pick up on underlying issues in a situation or anything. You’re probably right, I’m just imagining things.”

 

Groaning, Raven drops her head into her hands. “Oh my god, that’s not really what people are seeing, is it?”

 

“Anybody paying attention, probably. But keep in mind that doesn’t exactly describe most of the people around here - everyone’s caught up in their own shit, so could be it’s not as obvious to them. You might be slipping under the radar at this point, but eventually others are gonna notice.”

 

“I sincerely regret bringing up my lack of a sex life to you.” Raven glares at her reprovingly. 

 

“Eh, that  _ was _ a mistake on your part, but now that you did, might as well discuss it. Your last few comments stopped with the denial at least. Might as well start there.”

 

“There’s nothing to discuss! I’m not in denial - of course we care about each other. We’re friends. I care about all of my friends, obviously. There’s nothing wrong with that! Okay, yes, maybe my feelings for Murphy are complicated, but there’s plenty of solid reasons for why that is. You can have complicated feelings and still be friends with someone. I mean, I have complicated feelings about Clarke right now, too, and I don’t see you pointing out sexual tension between  _ us _ . I’m not attracted to her though so it’s not an issue. She’s pretty, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t have a thing for blondes. Anyway, you can think your friends are attractive and not act on it. I have lots of good-looking friends but a sex dream here or there or wondering how they might kiss isn’t going to suddenly make me jump all over them. I can control myself - better than most people, I bet! Not that I’ve had a sex dream about  _ all _ my friends, no, I’m not a complete pervert, that would be gross.. One, maybe two of them, sure, but it’s been a long drought, jeez... Sex dreams are totally just your mind working stuff out while you’re sleeping. It doesn’t  _ have _ to mean you’re attracted to someone, although it can. Okay, most sex dreams probably mean you’re attracted to the other person, at least for me that’s true. So maybe there’s a little sexual tension on my part, but it’s not a big deal. It’s not like I’m ever going to  _ do _ anything about it…” Raven trails off absentmindedly, a little lost in thought. 

 

“Well don’t stop on my account.” Charmaine grins. “I’m really enjoying this peek into your so-called genius brain.”

 

“Oh, fuck off, Charmaine!” Raven flops down onto her back with a long and frustrated moan. “Jesus I hate when you’re right! Fine, fine! So what if I’m attracted to Murphy! This is exactly why I don’t let myself think about it, because I’m  _ not _ going to do anything about it. But now you’re making me think I’m obvious about it, so I’m going to  _ have _ to think about it so I can make sure I’m not actually doing anything to give anyone else the impression that I’m interested.”

 

“It doesn’t have to be that convoluted. This is not one-sided - I definitely think he’s attracted to you too, which is why you should just bang it out instead of dancing around it. If you wanna end your sexual desert and you’re even the tiniest bit blatant about it, he’s not going to say no.”

 

“God… sexual desert - I guess that’s one way to put it. But it  _ is _ complicated, and the whole reason I don’t think about that possibility is because so much could go wrong.” Raven waves her hands in the air helplessly. “Look, I’m not oblivious to my feelings, despite trying to deny them and despite refusing to think about them and despite even half-convincing myself they don’t exist. I can go a long time without even thinking about him that way, and I mean to keep doing it. Letting myself get tempted by him in his underwear or you telling me to go fuck him against the wall is  _ not _ what I should be doing, especially if he’s going to be around more often. We’re friends, and I can miss him and like him in  _ that _ capacity and that’s all. I don’t know what he thinks or how he feels but that doesn’t matter, anyway, because nothing can happen.”

 

Charmaine leans closer, shaking her head at Raven as she lays on the blankets. She waits until Raven meets her eyes before speaking. “Guess what, Raven? You’re a dumbass, too, if you think that’s going to keep working for you.”

 

Raven sighs dejectedly and closes her eyes. “You’re probably right, but this is the bubble I’m choosing to live in right now, so are you gonna help me out with it or what?” 

 

“Oh, I’m gonna help you out, it’s just not gonna be the way you  _ want _ me to help you out,” Charmaine gleefully explains, practically rubbing her hands together in anticipation. 

 

“Damn it, no! That’s not what I meant and you know it! I mean it, Charmaine, you can’t just assume you know best for everyone.”

 

Snorting, Charmaine scoffs at her. “Well, I  _ can _ assume I know best, and I  _ will _ assume I know best, because clearly I do. I might choose not to act on it out of courtesy to you. Which is really big of me, by the way, so I hope you appreciate my potential effort. But I think you’re making a mistake. I won’t deliberately push you towards Murphy if you really don’t want that, but the thing is, we both know you’re lying.”

 

“You just woke up determined to be a bitch today, didn’t you?” Raven sulks. “I take it back, I don’t have any idea why I like you at all, and I am definitely rethinking our friendship.”

 

“You think you’re insulting me, but all I hear are endearments.” Charmaine stretches and finishes her water. “C’mon, tidy yourself up. I didn’t get to glare at everyone at dinner, so I need to make up for lost time. We’ll take this plate back then go sit at the fire and I’ll look so pissed off and intimidating that no one will want to get near us, and you can think about everything I said and realize how much of a dumbass you are. Or you can sit back and fantasize about Murphy while you realize how much of a dumbass you are. Either way, you can thank me in free babysitting later.”

  
  


***************

 

_ Fucking damn it to hell _ , Raven thought to herself. Between the conversation with Jackson and Niylah earlier, and then the unexpected call out on her attraction to Murphy by Charmaine in their tent, all she could think about involved completely inappropriate sexual images and she was afraid it would be written all over her face if she could actually stand to look anyone in the eye. It was probably a good thing Charmaine  _ was _ managing to look pissed off and intimidating, otherwise Raven might come across as a jerk for not talking to anyone. They’d carried Heidi over to the campfire and spread down a blanket, and no one except Jordan had bothered to approach since. He’d taken one look at her and dropped down quietly on the blanket beside her, the three of them and Heidi sitting in genial silence as the fire roared and casual conversation filled the air around them. 

 

Raven flattens herself out on her back, tucking her arms under her head like a pillow, deciding she might as well take advantage of the warmth and quiet to consider what Charmaine had said, though she’d never confess that’s what she was doing. It felt uncomfortable, ripping the lid off the box where she kept her unwanted emotions. Acknowledging to someone else that she had thought about Murphy as more than a friend or a family member was such a substantial event, especially because she’d barely ever admitted it to herself. Having Charmaine so casually inform her that her attraction was obvious was just about one of her worst nightmares, and that was saying quite a bit since she had plenty of experience with actual torture. Imagining that everyone knew about it, though… that was a whole other level of awful. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, more that she had made a decision early on that she was never going to act on her attraction, no matter what. It was a secret only she knew, one of her best-kept ones or so she’d thought, and to have Charmaine readily recognize it meant that anyone might have noticed, including Murphy himself. 

 

She groans just envisioning it, and she can feel Jordan’s eyes on her face, checking in on her. No, Charmaine had said she thought no one else had been paying close enough attention, and she was determined to hold onto that hope. Murphy might notice a lot more than people gave him credit for, and he was accomplished at reading people too, but she felt relatively certain he didn’t know she saw him as anything other than a friend. If Charmaine said everyone else was unaware, there was a good chance it was correct. Murphy and Charmaine were alike in that way, along with their snarky humor, saying things that nobody wanted to hear but probably needed to… which makes her wonder if maybe she has a type...gravitating towards stubborn, testy, cantankerous and acerbic humans who use their gruffness to keep people from getting closer to them, even though underneath they really do care about certain things in particular….  _ oh, fuck…  _ She thinks she might be onto something and feels the very real urge to throw herself in the lake for letting it happen. 

 

The low tones of Bellamy’s voice intrude on her unwanted thoughts, and she can hear enough without opening her eyes to know he sat down alongside Jordan and they’re holding a hushed conversation. Charmaine is on her other side, softly whispering to Heidi, and it occurs to her that despite her frantic personal thoughts, this is really an enjoyable evening. She’s not wondering where her other friends are or what they’re doing and why they’re avoiding her, and she’s not stressed that Jordan’s working too much or doing the same thing herself. And with Murphy in camp she’s not worried about whether he’s hurt or dead somewhere unknown and she just doesn’t know it yet. It had only been a few days since he’d returned, yet all the positive changes as well as the inner turmoil she was feeling linked directly back to him.  _ Typical Murphy… can’t figure out if I want to hug him or smack him _ , she thinks fondly, but then Charmaine’s taunt of her wanting to fuck him against the wall runs through her head and her face burns as the image flits through her mind. 

 

“... then I’ll meet you at sunrise at the edge of camp. I’ll grab you some breakfast when I get mine, don’t worry about that.” Miller’s voice carries over to her blanket and she hears footsteps coming their way. 

 

“Sounds good. I’m not staying up late, so I’ll see you in the morning.” Murphy collapses on the blanket next to Jordan, bumping Raven’s leg in the process. “What’re we talking about?”

 

“Shhh,” Bellamy admonishes, “Raven’s sleeping.”

 

“She’s not sleeping,” Murphy argues. “What’s she doing, why is she lying there ignoring everyone?”

 

“She’s brooding!” Charmaine chimes in.

 

“I’m meditating!” Raven protested at the same time, then sits up, hoping her face is not as red as she fears it might be, but she avoids Murphy’s eyes just in case. “I am  _ not _ brooding, damn it! And anyway, Murphy, you just got here. I could’ve been peacefully catching up on much-needed rest, only to have you rudely wake me up. How’d you know I wasn’t asleep?”

 

Murphy smirks over his shoulder at her. “Easy. Your mouth wasn’t open and you weren’t drooling everywhere.”

 

Raven scowls at him but Charmaine bursts into laughter and Bellamy and Jordan look amused. 

 

“Oh, he has you there, Raven. You do seriously drool in your sleep. I know that from sharing a tent with you, but how do  _ you _ know that, Murphy?” Charmaine asks far too innocently. 

 

Shrugging, Murphy answers. “Everybody on the Ring knows that. I can’t count how many times she fell asleep at her work table, her head on her arm, mouth open and a puddle of drool on the counter. Drop a blanket over her, wipe up the drool so she wouldn’t drown, then be on your merry way, that was the drill.”

 

“I didn’t know Raven drools,” Bellamy contradicted, not realizing just what that admission suggests. 

 

A silence falls over the small group, Raven biting her lip and looking thoughtful, and Murphy appearing self-conscious that he may have divulged more than he should have. 

 

Charmaine rolls her eyes and gives a quick toss of her head at the absurdity she has to deal with, choosing to deflect the strained moment for once rather than reinforce it. “When I first moved in with Raven, I woke up to see her sitting against the table holding Heidi. I don’t know how long she’d been like that, but she’d fallen asleep and her head was slumped to the side, and Heidi’s head was practically soaked with drool.”

 

“Oh, Heidi sweetie, I’m so sorry I spit all over you,” Raven strokes her finger over Heidi’s tiny hand in apology. “Although she’s gotten her revenge plenty of times over when she’s peed on me. For the rest of you - fine, so I drool! It’s not like any of you are perfect either!” 

 

“Well, I am.” Charmaine replies impassively. 

 

Murphy winks at Jordan. “Actually, I’m convinced I don’t have any flaws.”

 

“If anybody’s perfect around here, it’s obviously me,” Jordan smiles brightly. 

 

Shrugging, Bellamy holds up his hands. “Don’t look at me, I’m far from perfect, especially lately.”

 

Raven jiggles her finger where Heidi has now grasped it tightly in her chubby fist and fights an exasperated smile. “Looks like it’s our lot in life to be surrounded by idiots, kid. You an’ me are gonna have to stick together for our own sanity.”

 

Jordan turns toward Murphy to ask a question about the radio tower, and Charmaine elbows Raven while everyone else is engaged in conversation. “You were absolutely brooding, and don’t think I didn’t notice how red your face was.”

 

“Of course I was brooding! You dumped a giant pile of emotional baggage in my lap and now I have to deal with it all, and let me just say you suck for that. And I can’t even make eye contact with anyone right now because of what  _ you _ put in my head!” Raven furiously whispers. 

 

“You shouldn’t bottle up your feelings, Raven, it just makes you cranky. Although that could explain a lot about you.” Charmaine pats Heidi on the back, eliciting a loud burp. 

 

“Oh, please! You hold  _ nothing _ back, and you’re the crankiest person I know! What does that say about  _ you _ ?” Raven retorts. 

 

“Unlike  _ some _ people, I am very in touch with my feelings. I’m cranky because I was pregnant for over a hundred and twenty five years, and all those hormones are still coursing through my body. Just wait until I revert to my normal, mellow self. You’ll hardly recognize me.”

 

“Somehow I doubt that ‘mellow’ is a word I’m ever going to use to describe you, Charmaine.” 

 

Raven looks up as a shadow falls over them. “Hey! Mind if I sit?” Jackson doesn’t wait for an answer and instead fits himself between Raven and Charmaine at the foot of the blanket. They each wiggle over to make more room, Raven shifting into Murphy and Jordan as Jackson makes himself comfortable. 

 

“So Niylah and I were talking about what we discussed at laundry today, Raven. We’ve got some options for you.” Jackson looks eager to share his prospects, but Raven’s eyes grow huge with dismay. 

 

“No, no, no, let’s not talk about that right now, okay?” She looks around in alarm, not wanting anyone to overhear this exchange. 

 

“Jackson, what lucky timing you have! I was just telling Raven that she should be more open-minded to your invitation. I think she’s just a little nervous, though, and definitely repressing some feelings she should just let  _ out _ . We can’t really blame her, it’s been such a long time.” Charmaine smoothly intervenes, giving Raven a sassy look. 

 

“That’s true! I can’t imagine, poor thing. We can fix that though! You know, Charmaine, I hope it’s not too forward of me to say this, but when you’re ready, I know there are plenty of people who’d like to flirt a little with danger, if you get my meaning,” Jackson raises his eyebrows suggestively. 

 

To Raven’s horror, not only does Charmaine look thrilled at this proposition, but the debate about the radio tower has come to a complete standstill, with Bellamy, Murphy and Jordan plainly eavesdropping on what Jackson has to say. 

 

“That is so thoughtful of you to offer,” Charmaine gushes in a voice that makes Raven want to hit her over the head. “I have some people already in mind, but I’m absolutely going to remain open to your arrangement. Although, maybe we should give the same opportunity to the guys, here. They might be interested and it wouldn’t be fair to leave them out.”

 

Jackson seems to consider this and half turns towards them, about to speak but before he can, an irate voice interrupts. 

 

“Enough!” Raven grits her teeth indignantly. “I swear, if either of you say another word about this, I will never build or repair anything for you ever again! Jesus, I  _ am _ surrounded by idiots!” She struggles to her feet, glaring daggers at Charmaine but gently pushing Jordan’s hands away when he tries to help her stand. “I’m going to bed! Stay away for at least two hours unless you want me to smother you with a pillow!” And she pivots gracefully and storms off in the direction of her tent, Charmaine watching her leave with an affectionate grin on her face. 

 

In a sentimental spirit that Murphy would never have expected from her, Charmaine interrupts the silence that Raven left behind. “A million years ago, back on Earth, I had a younger sister. She wanted to assassinate me in my sleep most of the time, too. I had forgotten what that felt like until Raven let me stay with her.” She straightens and her face is once again arrogant. “But now I have it again and I’m not letting it go. Jordan, help me up. I’m going to have another dinner plate, I’m starving again. Murphy, bring this blanket back to our tent when you’re done with it, and don’t get yourself killed on your trip. And Bellamy,” she pauses to look imperiously down at him, “Finders keepers. You left her unattended for too long and this is what happens. I consider Raven part of  _ my  _ family now. If you try to ruin it or ignore her and hurt her feelings again, I’ll make sure you’re miserable, since she probably won’t let me murder you. And if you’re not careful with your other belongings,” she points back and forth between Murphy and Jordan, “I’ll collect them too.”

 

With that, she walks away, leaving the four men staring after her in amazement. 

 

“That woman is a menace,” Bellamy says with a tinge of awe in his voice. 

 

“Yeah,” Murphy draws out the word into two syllables, “I kinda want to be collected, Bellamy, so you better step up your game if you wanna keep me. It doesn’t look good for you, though.”

 

Jordan turns between them both mischievously. “Raven’s my favorite now, so as tough as it might be, I gotta ditch the rest of you and stick with those two formidable ladies. Sorry, Murphy.”

 

“I can’t take any offense,” Murphy shrugs one shoulder, clearly not disagreeing with Jordan’s choice. 

 

“That was intense. She’s scary in a good way,” Jackson quipped. “Any idea how I can get them to take me in, too?”

 

“No.” Murphy emphatically states, narrowing his eyes dangerously. “But while you’re still here, how about you tell me what kind of ‘invitation’ you were offering to Raven.”


	5. Chapter 5

 

Murphy tucks the folded blanket under his arm and heads out towards Raven’s tent. He’d stuck around the campfire maybe another half an hour after Raven and Diyoza had each stormed off, but he had told Miller he wanted to get to bed early and he’d meant it. If he didn’t manage to fall asleep before Bellamy did, he would be kept awake all night with the snoring, and he had to get up before sunrise to start the scouting mission to the potential radio tower location. Jackson had held up surprisingly well under Murphy’s few questions, taking Raven’s threat seriously, but he didn’t really need much confirmation anyway. Between what Raven had told him before dinner, and the portion of the conversation he’d caught at the campfire, he knew what they’d been talking about, and it left him with a sour feeling in his gut. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/170152452@N02/47096197154/in/dateposted-public/)

 

Jealousy over Raven wasn’t exactly a new emotion for him, but in spite of all his attempts to reject his feelings or suppress them by staying out of camp or refusing to think about her, the stab of envy struck deep every time. It’s not like he’d intended to fall in love with her, although he had moments where he thought that might’ve been the inescapable conclusion ever since he’d found her almost dead in the Dropship all those years ago. She’d gotten under his skin and he’d never been able to get her back out again, and then he hadn’t wanted to - and she’d managed to burrow even deeper the more time they’d spent together. He’d never even noticed that his feelings for her had evolved to something bigger… he’d gone about his business and one day she’d laughed up at him and he realized he didn’t just love her, he was  _ in _ love with her, with no idea of when it had first changed. He considered it a sort of poetic justice that he’d fallen for the one person who should genuinely hate him, and what better punishment for him than to be doomed to want what he couldn’t have? The irony made sense, so he’d accepted it and even felt fortunate, because he saw her every day and they were friends and he knew she cared. He’d get to talk and joke with her, and there would’ve been a fleeting touch here or there and he could have made that into enough. The Universe had probably laughed at his ignorance, though, because that was no penance at all and he’d been completely unprepared for what was really his due. 

 

No, his penalty really did fit the crime, and he should have grasped that earlier. It was his uncontrollable temper and thoughtlessness that had caused Raven to be hurt to begin with, and now he was being taught that he had to control the various emotions he had around her, or risk losing her as his friend. Biting his tongue and preventing himself from outwardly reacting or impulsively saying the first thing that came to mind, even in the face of jealousy or anger… those were not his strong points, and he knew he wasn’t entirely successful and might not ever be, but he was still trying. Watching her with Shaw during that brief period of time they were on Earth and then had woken up on the Eligius after cryo had definitely been enough of a negative experience that he’d immediately volunteered for any and all scouting opportunities once they’d arrived on this new planet. Getting out of camp had been good for him in more ways than just avoiding his jealousy, though. He had worked through his grief over Monty and Harper and the loss of Earth, and he’d thought his absence would remind Emori why she’d broken up with him to begin with, which he’d been right about. 

 

But now… now here he was, back among people again, and what he had tried to prepare himself for hadn’t actually occurred. Raven wasn’t with Shaw and he had no idea why that was. He felt off-kilter about it, wanting to know but also not wanting to know. She didn’t seem sad over it, but what if she was? Fuck, he just wasn’t equipped for this level of uncertainty. If she wanted to talk about it, he’d suck it up and listen, but there’s no way he could stomach bringing it up first. And if she genuinely was done with Shaw, was she really talking to Jackson and Niylah about hooking up with someone just for sex? That was almost worse, in a way, because imagining someone just using her to get off, or just wanting to be with her because she was beautiful didn’t just make him envious, it made him furious too. No stranger was going to know how much they should appreciate her...He tried to quell the jealousy as best he could, because she wasn’t his, not in that way, and she had the right to kiss whoever she wanted, to do far more than that, even, despite how desperately he didn’t want her to. Yeah, fate had definitely come back around to bite him in the ass, he decided with a smirk, and he couldn’t really even be that critical about it since he found it so fitting in its simplicity. 

 

He took a deep breath and walked the remaining few steps to Raven’s tent, set a distance away from the others due to the potential for loud baby crying, he’d bet. He thought about carefully opening the bottom portion of the zipper and just sliding the blanket inside so as not to accidentally wake her, but he hadn’t gotten to say goodbye to her at the campfire. The way they’d lost Harper and Monty, with no warning and no words, had had a profound effect on all of them, and in the months they’d been there, he’d never left the camp for a trek without making a point to say farewell to all of them. He’d said his goodbyes to Emori and Echo after their dinner, and had done so with Jordan and Bellamy when he’d left them at the fire, but Raven had left before he had the chance, and he felt uneasy at the idea of leaving while it was left undone. 

 

Kneeling in the dirt in front of the zippered entrance, he lowers his voice. “Raven, are you awake?” After a few beats of silence, he tries again, but still no response from her. Disappointed, he’s about to quietly open the tent just enough to slip the blanket through when the zipper is yanked up from the inside and Raven is unexpectedly in front of him. From what he can see over her shoulder, she had been in her bed - the nest of blankets now thrown back since she’s not in them. He guesses she quickly strapped her brace on and crawled over to the opening, because she’s kneeling stiffly on the floor instead of standing, and when he looks down at her there’s a startling amount of skin visible with the clothes she’s wearing to sleep in. Her hair is messy and for a minute he gets completely preoccupied with the brief fantasy of falling into that bed with her, but he’s pulled back into the present when she finally and impatiently speaks. 

 

“I’m awake. What do you want?” She looks irritated and is probably still fuming over the argument she got into with Diyoza, but he drinks in her appearance and tries to commit it fully to his memory like he does each time he says goodbye now, understanding more about the very real possibility of seeing people for the last time. 

 

He bites the inside of his cheek so that he doesn’t tell her the truth, so that he doesn’t blurt out that what he wants is  _ her _ . Instead he holds out the blanket. “Diyoza commanded me to bring this back, but since I’m leaving early in the morning, I thought I’d say goodbye before I go to bed.”

 

Her face softens and a self-deprecating grin quirks her lips up as she takes the blanket from him. “I got so mad, I forgot about that. I would have hated it if you’d gone and I didn’t remind you to be careful, even if it is a short trip this time. I’m glad you remembered.” 

 

They’d all been their own versions of more physically and emotionally demonstrative after waking up from cryosleep and everything that had happened had sunk in, so it’s not unanticipated when Raven drops the blanket onto the floor next to her and leans in to hug him, but it’s not ever going to feel routine to him either, he’s sure. He remembers each time her arms have wrapped around him and it always feels significant, partly because of how far they’ve come and partly just because it’s her. His hands curve around her back and he slides one palm up her spine as he pulls her just slightly towards him. Her head nestles along his shoulder, her hair still carrying the wood smoke scent of the campfire and her arms cool around his neck. Squeezing his eyes shut, he holds on for a moment more than he should, lingering in the embrace until he feels her arms fall away and her body slowly retreats. Her left hand skips down his elbow to his wrist before descending to his knee, her fingers grazing along the bare skin not covered by his shirt, and the simple contact leaves a trail of fire burning everywhere she touches. 

 

Murphy raises his gaze from her hand resting on his leg to her face, and the gleam in her eyes is so hypnotic he can’t look away. What would it be like to know how she kissed, he wonders. Would it be better to know or not know? Both, he suddenly understands, it would be both. It would be so much better and so much worse to know how her lips felt against his. As if she could read his thoughts, her tongue edges out to lick her bottom lip and he subconsciously angles closer, seriously considering renouncing his entire plan where she’s concerned based on the immediate need to find out if kissing her would be his lifeline or his undoing. 

 

“Murphy! There you are! Miller’s already asleep, but Jordan said you’d be over this way.” 

 

The sudden interruption of Madi’s voice into the dreamy bubble they’d been caught up in has Raven snatching her fingers off his knee and him quickly straightening away from her, and she pulls the folded blanket back into her hands as though to give them something to do. Murphy folds his own arms across his chest defensively and turns to look over his shoulder as Madi approaches at a jog. 

 

“I’m so glad I caught you,” she says, breathing harshly and slowing her pace as she collapses down to the ground next to Murphy. 

 

“What did you need, Madi?” Murphy asks, trying to keep frustration from leaking into his words. 

 

Madi pulls a small pouch from her pants. “I found these berries when we landed and Clarke likes to use them to make ink since they’re really sour and no one likes eating them. But I’ve picked everything around here and I haven’t found more. Can you look for them on your hike? I put a few of the leaves and berries in this pouch so you’ll know how to recognize them.” She hands him the pouch and he takes a hurried peek inside before he slides it into his own pocket. 

 

“Okay, I’ll try to bring some back with me.” He glances at Raven but her eyes are fixed determinedly on Madi and he knows the moment is gone. Smoothly, he gets to his feet and dusts off the knees of his pants. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep. I’ll see you when I get back.”

 

“Bye, Murphy! Thanks for looking for the berries for me!” Madi waves. 

 

Raven tilts her chin up to look at him and he watches her swallow as her hands tighten on the blanket. “Have a safe trip.”

 

“Yeah…” He nods curtly, wishing he had a clue what she was thinking. The only thing he knows for sure is that his knee tingles like she’s still touching it, and any chance he had at falling asleep easily is definitely gone. He starts the walk over to his own tent, giving in to the urge to look behind him once he’s farther away, and Raven’s holding the tent flap open while Madi takes off her shoes, clearly planning on a visit. But when he looks back, she’s not watching Madi, she’s watching him, and it loosens the rough tension in his shoulders that set in when Madi interrupted them. Despite that relief, he has the sudden comprehension that it’s going to be a long three days away from camp. 

  
  


***************

  
  


_ It’s been a long three days,  _ Raven thinks with a huge yawn as she walks Heidi over to the edge of the lake, sitting down on one of the many logs that have been placed there for just that purpose. Charmaine is taking a turn doing breakfast dishes, one of the chores that everyone is trying to rotate through, so she’d gladly put off working on more communication devices in order to take charge of the baby. It’s warm out, and the water sparkles in the glow of the sunshine, making her squint sleepily at the picturesque view. 

 

The last few days had brought a few interesting events, and Raven feels more peaceful than she has in a long time because of it, although she’s also exhausted. Emori has been tinkering with the equipment Raven has amassed each day, hanging out with her after she goes hunting with Echo in the early morning, and in the afternoon they grab Jordan to eat lunch together. Yesterday Bellamy, Clarke and Madi joined them, and Echo sat with her, Jordan and Charmaine at dinner. It’s been a little obvious, but Jordan joked with her that Echo had set up a patrol schedule around his farming area, and Raven had to grin when she’d spotted Echo numerous times walking around her own workstation too. It was overkill, as far as Raven was concerned, but it still felt nice to be worried about. 

 

The first night Murphy was gone, Bellamy had met Raven at her tent after everyone had eaten, and the two had taken a long walk around the lake, discussing what they’d put off for too long. Bellamy had apologized for ignoring her and being stuck in his own drama, and while they had focused more on what he’d been going through, she felt like the air had been cleared between them and they could get back to the friendship she valued so much. She’s caught up in thoughts about what Bellamy had told her regarding his feelings about Echo and Octavia when she hears footsteps crunching through the mix of sand and pebbles behind her. She turns and smiles as she sees Clarke approaching. 

 

“Hey! I was glad to hear you were taking some time off from your work this morning,” Clarke comments, dragging a log closer. “I was hoping to talk to you while you had the baby.” 

 

“Oh? And why is that?” Raven tilts her head curiously. 

 

“I guess you could say I’m following orders,” Clarke laughs, and when Raven continues to regard her inquisitively, she explains. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyway, and Murphy gave me the nudge I needed. He says he owes Diyoza for something and asked me to draw Heidi’s picture as payment or whatever. Look what he managed to save for me!” Clarke pulls her sketchbook out of her bag, a huge smile on her face, and Raven realizes it’s been a long time since she’s seen Clarke that happy. 

 

“I’m so glad you have that again, Clarke! I know how much you like to draw. It must bring back a lot of memories.” Raven watches as Clarke flips to a blank page, and she tugs the blanket away from Heidi’s face a little to make it easier for Clarke to see her. The little girl is awake and alert, and Raven grins ruefully down at her since she’s been keeping the rest of the tent up all night, and Raven feels every minute of missed rest. “I wonder what Charmaine did to make Murphy owe her something… there’s probably a story there.”

 

Clarke shrugs and looks over at Heidi. “He didn’t say. You know Murphy, he’s not one to share unless he has to. He hardly asked for anything in return for this, though, and I would have given him almost anything just to have it back. It was a huge surprise to see it again and I’m really grateful for it. Can you tilt her up just a little bit?” 

 

Raven lifts Heidi a little higher and Clarke hums in approval, her hand flying across the page, using her fingers and some charcoal dust from a pouch at her side. There’s silence for a little while, as the two women sit companionably, and Raven considers what sort of debt Murphy thinks he has to repay in order to come up with this scheme, although there’s no doubt that Charmaine is going to love it. 

 

“I know we’ve been down here a while already, Raven, but I’ve had so much on my mind that it’s taken me this long to sort some things out.” Clarke glances at her and then back down at the page. “I wish things could have gone different when…”

 

“No, wait,” Raven interrupts, reaching her free hand out to land on Clarke’s arm. “Before you say anything else, I think we can both agree that things went wrong really quickly when we got down from space to Earth finally, and I think we both know nothing happened like we wanted it to. I don’t hold any of that against you, I hope maybe you feel that way about me, and all I want is to just be glad I still have so many people I care about around me, and know that I’ll be making a better effort to communicate from now on.” Raven’s eyes search Clarke’s, hoping her feelings are shared, and she’s not disappointed when she sees Clarke’s shoulders relax as she finishes talking. 

 

“I feel the same way! So much happened, so fast, and it was hard to see anything but my own perspective at the time. After we woke up, with everything changing… I just don’t want to hold onto negative feelings anymore. It feels like maybe we’re getting a fresh start, and I really want that.” Clarke squeezes her hand where it rests on her arm, and Raven turns her palm up, weaving it with Clarke’s so she can squeeze back. 

 

“Yes, a fresh start is a good way to put it. I’m not going to forget the lessons I’ve learned, but I don’t want to dwell on the past either,” Raven admits. “We’ve missed out on too much already. I have so many things I want to talk to you about… I’d just like us to be friends again.”

 

“That’s what I want, too. You know, I have to confess something to you. Even though the last few months I’ve been trying to get up enough nerve to come talk to you, I’ve been jealous with how much time you’ve spent with Diyoza. The two of you seemed to get along easily since we got out of cryo, and now that you’re roommates, you spend so much time together and I just felt awkward over it, wondering if you even wanted to be friends with me anymore. I spent so much time without adult company, and now I think I forget how to do it.”

 

“Oh, Clarke… I wish I knew you felt like that - I would have just approached you myself. I thought you were justifiably angry with me still and I was giving you space to deal with it all. Charmaine is my friend, but so are Emori and Echo. I have plenty of room for all of you, I hope you know that.”

 

“I do, logically I do know that. But… I did feel jealous. And confused a little, too. I mean, Diyoza captured you and Murphy, she ordered you to be tortured and she eventually told McCreary about your plans. And we all know how  _ that _ ended.” Clarke raises her eyebrows at Raven in confusion. 

 

Raven sighs, wondering how to explain, but Clarke’s not the first of her friends to ask her about Charmaine these last couple of days, and she supposes her friendliness with Charmaine might be a little hard for some of them to understand. “I mean, none of us are innocent, Clarke, except maybe Madi, some of the other kids, Jordan and Heidi here. All of us adults have done things we shouldn’t be proud of, maybe not exactly to each other, maybe to those already dead, but who are we to judge? I’ve done plenty of things I should ask forgiveness for. Maybe it’s a little easier for me with Charmaine because while she was in charge, it wasn’t her who actually tortured me. It wasn’t her who came so close to killing Murphy or injured Shaw’s leg.” A sharp glint comes over Raven’s eyes as she thinks of McCreary. “Some things I won’t forgive, and I’m glad that bastard’s dead and I had a part in making it happen. When I think about… no, I’m not going to talk about that today, because honestly, I wish I could have cut  _ his _ throat… But what kind of hypocrite would I be, not to give Charmaine another chance when I want one myself?” She shrugs, and pats Heidi’s back softly. “Besides, I’ve recently realized I might have a bit of a soft spot for difficult, sarcastic pains in my ass, and she fits that description really well. And after living with her, I know she’s a great mom even though Heidi’s going to grow up with a filthy mouth. Maybe it’s strange, but I love Charmaine and she and Heidi feel like family to me now, and I hope all my friends can eventually learn to get along, even if they don’t all become friends themselves.” 

 

Clarke puts down her sketchbook and pulls Raven into an impulsive, awkward one-armed hug since she’s holding Heidi on her lap. “I missed you, Raven.”

 

There’s a sudden prickle of tears behind her eyelids, but Raven lets out an emotion-filled laugh and tightens her hold on Heidi so she can enthusiastically return Clarke’s hug. “I missed you, too, Clarke. A lot.”

 

They pull back, both of them wiping their eyes, and Clarke holds up the drawing of Heidi. “Well, what do you think? I’ll add a little more shading and I only drew her in the top portion of the page as an infant. That way I can add another sketch around her first birthday.”

 

“It’s perfect, really perfect, Clarke. Charmaine is going to love it so much she might even say something nice to Murphy about it. Don’t give it to her without me there, okay? I want to see the look on her face when she first sees it.” Raven grins just thinking about it. 

 

“Deal. And speaking of first seeing something, look at this,” Clarke flips the pages and stops on one that shows Monty, Harper and Jasper sitting at a campfire, the Dropship from the Ark in the background behind them. “This one’s for Jordan. Want to go with me now and give it to him?”

 

Raven looks up at Clarke with a huge smile. “You know I do! Let’s swing by and see if Charmaine’s done with the dishes first, otherwise I’ll bring Heidi along. Jordan’s going to love this so much, I can’t wait for you to show him. It’s so thoughtful of you to give it to him. Hey, just to be safe, we should scan all your drawings into the Eligius systems the next time someone goes up - that way there’s a record of them, just in case.”

 

“There’s that brain of yours, always solving problems,” Clarke teases. “Actually that’s a fantastic idea and I’m glad you thought of it. I’d be devastated if I lost these again, and now I’ll have more to add. I have to tell you the truth though - I’m not sure if it would have occurred to me to give this to Jordan on my own - at least not for a while, anyway. I was so happy to have the book again that I probably would have been greedy about it. I’ve looked through it so many times since I got it back… But Murphy is the the one who asked me to give this to Jordan, and obviously that’s what I should do.” Clarke flips to another page. “He also asked me to give this one to you.”

 

Looking at the sketchbook in Clarke’s lap, Raven sees a drawing of herself and Sinclair. They’re standing side by side at a table that’s littered with equipment, and Raven’s head is tilted slightly down but Clarke has captured a look of concentration on her face as she stares at the object she’s holding in her hand, lifted up to show Sinclair. In contrast, he’s focused on her, a soft smile on his face, exactly the way she always remembers him. It could have been any one of a thousand times she worked next to Sinclair like that, from the Ark to the ground, and Raven reaches out a careful finger to gently touch Sinclair’s image. He was always so good to her, so patient… everything positive she thinks about herself could be traced back to him, and while she’d never forget what he looks like in her imagination, having this drawing of him, after all this time, is an incredible feeling. She swallows the huge lump in her throat, eyes still on the beautiful surprise in front of her. “This… this means more to me than I could put into words. I love it so much. I don’t know how to thank you for it.” She looks up at Clarke again, tears running down her face, but they’re happy tears and she hopes Clarke knows it. 

 

Clarke moves to tear the page out, but Raven stills her hand. “No! Don’t tear it out yet. Wait until we get it scanned, and then I’ll take it. Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to it. For now it’s protected in the book. Jordan will probably feel the same way about his picture.” Raven commits the drawing to memory until she gets to have it for herself, and carefully closes the sketchbook. Rubbing her eyes with her hand and then wiping her nose with her sleeve, she lets out a hoarse laugh. Murphy’s not even in camp, but she knows it’s been his ability to maneuver people that’s brought about her current feelings of contentment. If he hadn’t pushed, nagged or outright coerced, they might have all still been stuck with their dumbassery, as Charmaine would probably put it. This picture though…Clarke was the reason it existed, but Murphy is the reason it gets to be hers, and she can almost feel another crack fracturing her resolve to keep him as just her very good friend and nothing more. 

 

She wraps Heidi a little more snugly in her blanket, and notices her eyes blinking sleepily. “Come on, Clarke. Maybe a walk will help this little one stay awake and get back on a nighttime sleep schedule instead of napping all day and keeping me and Charmaine up when it’s dark. Let’s go make Jordan get as teary as I just was.”

 

Clarke smiles in pleasure, feeling lighter than she has in a long time. “Can’t think of anything I’d rather do today. Let’s go.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy almost Halloween! My house does a big Halloween event and I'm gonna be super busy the next two days hosting that and then cleaning up from it! So consider this the Happy Halloween chapter and I really can't wait to get into the whole plotline of the story now! Hope you'll stick with me, and let me know what you think. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

Hours later, Raven collapses into her heap of blankets, exhausted. She had hoped that Murphy might make it back to camp in time for dinner, but she and her two tent-mates had left the evening campfire to prepare for bed and there was still no sign of him or Miller. She’s feeling anxious that he wasn’t back yet but she thinks she’s done a good job covering it, in case anyone was paying attention. Despite feeling tired, it had really been a good day. Besides Clarke drawing Heidi and giving her the picture of herself and Sinclair, they’d made up and then had a wonderful time showing Jordan the sketch of his parents and Jasper, and she thinks he cried more than she did. He’d thrown his arms around Clarke and lifted her up off the ground in thanks, and if she and Clarke had maybe gotten a bit teary at his response, well, that was to be expected. The three of them spent most of their lunch looking through the book, and Bellamy, Emori and Madi had joined them. Raven had seen Clarke and Bellamy exchange quite a few meaningful glances over the table while they reminisced, and as genuinely happy as Raven was for them, she and Emori had shared a few concerned looks of their own, knowing how Echo would be affected.

 

Charmaine had gotten preoccupied with nursing Heidi, so she’d missed out on the lunchtime discussions, although Raven was a little jealous that the two of them had managed to catch a nap for a change. Clarke had gotten pulled away by Madi later that afternoon, and had pressed the sketchbook into Raven’s hands, telling her to show Charmaine the drawing and reminding her of the words Murphy wanted said with the gift. She reached under the folded blanket she used as a pillow and felt its outline. She’d decided to wait until they had some privacy before showing Charmaine, sensing she might prefer less people around in case she got sentimental.

 

Because of the baby, their tent had one of the few long-life lanterns in it, and after Charmaine had cleaned up Heidi and put her in her sleeping crate, Raven pats the blankets next to her and angles the lantern closer. “Come sit over here. I have something to show you.”

 

Curious, Charmaine sits down and Raven pulls out the sketchbook but doesn’t open it. “Clarke and I were going to show this to you earlier today, but she got called away with Madi and some Flame thing, so she asked me to do it myself. I don’t know what the whole story is, but apparently Murphy told Clarke that he owed you for something and that you would know what it was. He says this will make you even.” Raven raises an eyebrow at Charmaine but gets only a slight smirk in return. She rolls her eyes and carefully opens the book to the page with Heidi’s image. “Here. This page will be for you. Clarke deliberately left space at the bottom so she can do another sketch when Heidi is around a year old. That part was her idea, but it was Murphy’s idea to have the drawing to begin with.” Raven gently pushes the book into Charmaine’s lap so she can get a closer look, but she keeps her own eyes on Charmaine’s face.

 

_I was right_ , Raven smiles, _I needed to be here to see her reaction_ . Charmaine is clearly astonished at the gift, and Raven finds herself wishing that Murphy was here to see how profoundly pleased she was with it. She hears a little sniff from Charmaine but she pretends she didn’t notice in order to preserve her dignity, though she’s pretty much decided she _has_ to tell Murphy that there was definitely a tear pooling in the corner of her eye. Charmaine could always blame that on hormones if she really had to, and Murphy might act like he didn’t care, but secretly he’d be proud that his idea had gone over so nicely. It wasn’t very often any of them had a chance to give someone a gift, and despite whatever explanation about a debt Murphy and Charmaine might have between them, this was too personal of an item to dismiss as just that, and she hopes Charmaine intuitively comprehends that.

 

“Well, fuck.” Charmaine finally spoke. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to call him a dumbass anymore after this.”

 

Raven smiles broadly at how sincerely irritated Charmaine sounds about it, but at least now she knows for sure that Charmaine understands that Murphy put in effort on this one.

 

A distressed look on her face, Charmaine turns towards her. “No, I’m serious. This is actually kind of… _heartwarming_ …” and the way Charmaine spits out the word makes Raven giggle, earning her a quick narrowed-eyed glare in return. “I might actually owe _him_ something now, damn it. Fuck, I think I might’ve even underestimated him a little,” she finishes with disgust, and now there’s no stopping Raven from outright laughter, though she covers her mouth with her hand to stifle it since she’s fully aware that Heidi is actually sleeping for a change.

 

When she’s gotten herself under control and senses that Charmaine is finished staring, she reaches over and gently closes the cover on the sketchbook, explaining how she and Jordan had decided to keep their pages inside until the book was taken up to the Eligius for scanning, and as expected, Charmaine agrees.

 

“I have to go back soon for Abby to check Heidi’s stats and there will probably be a few new people to bring down. I’ll be thanking Clarke for the sketch and if she okay’s it, I’ll take the book with me in a week or so and can upload everything that’s in it. Then we can take our pictures out to keep.”

 

“That sounds good. Tomorrow after breakfast, I want to show you my drawing and a few others that you might like. Let’s hurry up and go to bed now, though, while Heidi is out so we can get some rest. The last couple of nights have been rough.” Raven suggests, and turns off the lantern as Charmaine goes back to her pile of blankets, giving her a low grumble of agreement.

 

Laying in bed in the darkness and quiet, Raven’s thoughts drift back towards fretting over why Murphy isn’t back to camp yet. Today was the third day, but she was hoping for sooner rather than later. She rolls over and pulls her blankets with her. She lets herself remember the night before he left, when he was kneeling outside her tent in the dirt, and the feeling she had in that moment after she hugged him goodbye when she thought he was going to kiss her. The way he’d looked at her then had set her heart to pounding in her chest, and she’d actually felt dizzy with the anticipation of it. She had wanted him to do it, to lean in and close the distance between them and press his mouth to hers, and she thinks he might’ve, if they hadn’t been interrupted by Madi.

 

She sighs as she acknowledges to herself that it was cheating in a way, wanting _him_ to kiss _her_ so she could convince herself she hadn’t broken her own promise not to act on her interest in him. But that night she’d been so riled up by Jackson and Charmaine already, and her feelings of attraction towards Murphy had been on her mind all day, almost painfully so. And she couldn’t deny that a part of her, a big part actually, had felt gratified at Charmaine’s assurrences that Murphy was attracted to her too. She’d very, very rarely allowed herself to wonder about that, accepting that it was just easier to bury her feelings if she was the only one who had them… but Charmaine being so adamant that there was sexual tension on both sides hadn’t just fed her ego, it had opened up the possibility that there could be something real between them, and in those minutes after she’d hugged him, she just hadn’t wanted to let go - of Murphy or of the potential of what could be. When Madi had come and he’d walked away, the knot of frustration she’d felt had been huge and heavy in her chest, and she’s certain that if he’d had his own tent without Bellamy, she would have chased after him. That was hard to admit since for so long she’d rejected her complicated emotions aimed at Murphy, but then again, she’d lasted a long damn time and maybe she’d finally reached her breaking point. She rolls over again, unable to get comfortable, and her blankets rustle as she hauls them against her.

 

“Stop worrying, Raven,” Charmaine mutters. “He’ll probably be back by tomorrow afternoon.”

 

Her forehead wrinkles, concerned that Charmaine knows far too much about what she’s thinking.

 

“Yes, I know what you’re thinking, but it’s because you’re tossing and turning and I know you feel better when he’s here, not that I’m reading your mind. Just be satisfied with the pompous and superior feelings you get to experience because you obviously have better taste in men than I do and let that lull you to sleep.”

 

At that, there’s no way to control it, and Raven bursts into a fit of laughter at Charmaine’s dry confession. Oh, there’s so many layers to that statement that Raven could address, but a beat later and Heidi’s shrill cry joins her uncontained mirth, and Charmaine groans and pulls the blankets over her head.

 

“You break it, you bought it,” comes the muffled voice in the vicinity of Charmaine’s head, and Raven just laughs harder as she picks up Heidi and nuzzles her cheek, unable to even be annoyed that her chance for an early bedtime has been ruined.

  


***************

 

The next morning passes by in a dull fog, as the exhaustion Raven’s been fighting catches up to her with a vengeance. Heidi had definitely had trouble calming down the night before and Raven hopes Charmaine is right about this being a temporary growth spurt. She’s mostly going through the motions with the equipment in her work area and doesn’t actually manage to fix anything, instead sticking to the mindless task of sorting out supplies she’s been accruing. When Emori stops by near lunchtime after hunting with Echo, she finds Raven slumped over her workbench, sleeping, and decides not to disturb her. Raven wakes up just before dinner with an ache in her neck and a grumbling in her belly, but smiles to herself when she notices the obvious puddle of drool on the tabletop. Yeah, Murphy hadn’t been wrong about her habits, and it makes her think about what Murphy had revealed when he’d mentioned that he used to cover her up with a blanket and wipe up her drool when they were on the Ring together.

 

She _had_ made a regular practice of falling asleep in her workshop during those years. She’d thought for a long time that it was Harper who would come by to cover her up, but now knowing that some of the time, and maybe even most of the time, that it had been Murphy who had done it… well, probably it was a good thing she hadn’t known that back then, since it might have just made shoving her feelings down even harder. Which was actually becoming more of a problem every day, even when he wasn’t in camp to tease her or look at her or sit next to. Sighing, she cleans up the mess, makes a quick attempt to comb her fingers through her hair and walks off to grab Jordan

 

After they fill their plates, they sit at their regular table, and Bellamy, Clarke and Madi join them not long after. They’re having a funny conversation about how horrible Madi was when Clarke first found her back on Earth that has them all laughing, and when Raven happens to look up, she spots Miller and Murphy in line for the food. A burst of unusual nerves goes off in her stomach at the sight of him, and she realizes she’s not sure what to expect from Murphy based on their last moments before he left camp, but there’s no hiding the smile that spreads across her face because he’s back. Trying not to stare, she watches him from the corner of her eye, curious when his gaze darts around all the people gathered at the tables, almost as though he’s searching for something. When Miller finishes piling up his plate, he turns to Murphy and says a few words, then walks towards Jackson. Murphy stands still and then slowly starts to walk by the first few tables.

 

Madi has been busy rolling her eyes at Clarke’s description of her antics, and happily interrupts Clarke’s latest comment. “Hey, look! Murphy’s back! I wonder if he found more ink berries!” She stands up and waves in his direction, calling him over. “Murphy! Did you find any berries for me?”

 

Murphy turns towards their table and stiffly pulls out a chair across from Jordan and next to Bellamy. He looks down at his food and then replies to Madi in an even tone. “No, I didn’t find any berries. Maybe next time.”

 

She looks disappointed, but Clarke and Bellamy start asking him about the hike and whether it looks like it should be the spot for the radio tower and the three discuss their options based on what Murphy and Miller discovered. Raven narrows her eyes in concern as she continues watching Murphy in a subtle way. He’s off and acting weird, but maybe he’s just tired from his trip, she tells herself. When there’s a lull in the conversation, he focuses back on his food and Raven notices he’s eating from a large helping of green leaves on his plate. Definitely not himself, she decides, because he told her that he’d had enough ‘green’ from Monty’s space algae to last a lifetime and had been refusing to eat any kind of salad unless he had no other option since they’d landed. Her eyes drift over his face in genuine confusion and he must feel her gaze because he looks up and she starts to grin at him, but then his eyes meet hers, and Raven suddenly feels cold all over.

 

The grin freezes on her face and she forces herself not to push her chair back from the table in an effort to move away from him. The way he’s looking at her is just… empty, like Murphy’s not in there at all. It’s so wrong and so unsettling and the panic in her chest feels like it wants to claw right out of her, but she clears her throat and very, very calmly asks if he had a good trip. He finishes chewing and swallows, and Raven has to unclench her hand around her fork so she won’t snap it in half due to the disturbing feeling of such a lifeless gaze coming from his familiar blue eyes.

 

Murphy tilts his head at her, as though he was thinking hard about something, and takes his time before answering. Her heart is hammering in her chest and there’s a very real chance she might be sick. The others at the table aren’t paying attention, chattering happily, and Raven can’t believe how they can ignore something _so_ obviously wrong that’s happening right in front of them. “The hike was fine...Raven.”

 

His voice sounds the same, there isn’t anything she can pinpoint about it, but he doesn’t say her name like it’s part of the interaction between them, more that he adds it on like he’s trying it out and evaluating her reaction. She straightens her shoulders and somehow manages to control her outward reactions enough to paste a fake smile on her face. “I’m glad it didn’t take too long. I know everyone is anxious to get that tower built.” And then she turns to Jordan and asks him a pointless question about the fertilizers he’s working on and hopes like hell that Murphy - or whoever that is - will take his attention off her because she knows her hands are shaking.

 

She feels the weight of his regard for a few more moments, and then he turns to Bellamy and his focus centers there. Raven sucks in a shaky breath and lifts her cup of water to her lips, biding her time until she can leave the table without making her exit look obvious. Her mind is racing, thinking about what could have happened to Murphy, and it’s a fight not to cry with all the scary scenarios she’s imagining. Barely touching the rest of her food, she makes the occasional attempt to participate in the discussions around her, but when she observes Miller and Jackson leaving their table, she asks Jordan what he’s doing with the rest of his evening and when he says he’s going to hang out with Octavia she almost gives in to tears of relief that he’ll be safe even if not-Murphy is around. She knows Clarke rarely leaves Madi on her own, so she makes a comment about needing to check on Charmaine and hastily leaves as quickly as she can, trying to catch up with Miller to find out what the fuck is going on.


	7. Chapter 7

 

After she gets everything she can from Miller, Raven heads towards Bellamy’s tent. She knows not-Murphy isn’t in there right now since she spotted him near the campfire with Echo. She sees Emori sitting near the guy she’s been spending more time with, and to her continued relief, Jordan is sitting with Octavia, Niylah and Madi. Deliberately, Raven carefully skirts the edges of the campfire, not wanting to be noticed or called over. She’s looking for Bellamy now and doesn’t want anyone to get in her way.

 

She doesn’t bother to wait when she gets there, instead just calling out briefly to him. “Bellamy! I’m coming in, make sure you’re decent!”, and then she unzips the tent flaps. Bellamy and Clarke are both inside looking guiltily at her, though there’s no clothes strewn around that Raven can see, and while this would normally be something she’d be thrilled to tease them about, right now it barely registers.

 

“There’s something wrong with Murphy. Have you noticed it?” she asks, no point in dissembling.

 

Bellamy scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. “Uh, no, what do you mean something’s wrong with him?”

 

Raven makes a frustrated grunt. “I mean something wrong, that’s what I mean! He’s not himself and he was weird at dinner, didn’t you even notice?” Her eyes flit to Clarke, but she doesn’t seem to grasp the situation either.

 

Realizing Raven’s a lot more upset than he first realized, Bellamy tries again. “I didn’t notice anything weird, other than he might have been tired from the scouting mission. Can you give me an example of what you noticed?”

 

Clarke pipes up at Bellamy’s side. “Raven, obviously you’re upset. We’re sorry we’re not seeing what you mean right away, but we’re listening.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Raven tries to calm herself down. “Look, I’m not crazy. There _is_ something wrong with him. He had a whole pile of leaves on his plate, for one thing! He doesn’t like eating salad stuff unless he has to - you know that, Bellamy! And that’s not all, either! There’s something wrong with his eyes, like it’s not _him_ in there. I can’t believe neither of you picked up on this, he was acting so weird!”

 

Biting her lip, Clarke offers a tentative reply. “Um, Raven, that… you know that doesn’t sound like it adds up to much? I mean, I’m sure he had a long day and maybe he just felt like eating whatever we had?”

 

Bellamy exchanges a brief glance with Clarke, and Raven feels her frustration build. “Raven, I didn’t notice anything about his eyes. Could it just be that you’re really tired too? I know Diyoza’s baby has been keeping you up a lot - Emori’s been worried about your lack of sleep to the point where she said something to me. I’m not trying to dismiss your concerns, but maybe you’re making something out of nothing here?”

 

Gritting her teeth, Raven looks back and forth between them both. She can tell they’re not deliberately being difficult, but it’s clear that neither of them are grasping the seriousness of the situation. It’s true she doesn’t have much in the way of evidence to convince them, but she is hurt that they don’t seem to be giving her the benefit of the doubt, either, when it’s not like she’s one to regularly overreact. She wants them to believe her, even if it doesn’t sound logical at all when she says that Murphy’s eyes are wrong or that there’s something terrible going on because he ate some stupid leaves. Maybe she could go a little further by telling them what a cold, sinister feeling she had when he looked at her, but she thinks she might just end up wasting time trying to persuade them, and time is something she doesn’t want to waste.

 

Rubbing her eyes, she lies to Clarke and Bellamy so she can get on with her plans. “I am really tired. Maybe I just need some sleep.”

 

Relieved, Clarke reaches out and squeezes her arm. “I’m sure you just need some rest! It can’t be easy sharing a tent with Heidi. I bet you’ll feel better in the morning after a good sleep.”

 

Bellamy nods, of course agreeing with Clarke. Raven supposes she shouldn’t be too surprised that they’ve fallen back into their old dynamic of supporting each other, but in this case she knows she’s right, even though she _is_ coming across strangely. But if it’s not Murphy in there, what the fuck is it, and what does that even mean about what could be down on this planet with them? And what happened to him out there in the woods? Her imagination has been running away with her, picturing so many terrible scenarios, but she’s not going to let herself think anything except that it can be fixed, it _will_ be fixed, somehow, and she’s going to make that happen. She needs more evidence and she’s going to get it, and then Murphy will be _fine_ \- even if she has to do this all by herself.

 

She turns to leave, deliberately relaxing her posture and wanting them to think everything is fine. “Sorry, guys. I’m going to bed. You both get back to….whatever it is you were doing in here.” And she winks at them and closes the tent flaps. As soon as she’s out of their sight, she clenches her jaw and stalks to her own tent purposefully.

 

When she reaches it, Raven recklessly pushes inside after quickly sliding up the zipper, Charmaine looking up in surprise at the careless entrance with a sarcastic comment on her tongue. One look at Raven’s face has her biting her tongue, however, and when Raven immediately grabs her pack from one side of the tent and starts stuffing spare socks and underwear inside, Charmaine’s internal alarms are immediately set off.

 

“What’s going on?” Charmaine asks her, all hints of playfulness gone from her voice. “Where are you going?”

 

Raven pauses and reluctantly raises her distraught eyes, and Charmaine feels a tug of worry in her gut. “Murphy’s back, but there’s something wrong with him. Clarke and Bellamy don’t believe me, but I swear that’s not him. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I went to Miller and fed him some bullshit about needing to borrow their map and I asked him if he and Murphy were separated at any point during the trip. Miller said there was about a half hour on the way back yesterday where Murphy veered off to look for those berries Madi wanted before they met up again. Something happened then, I just have this awful feeling about it!” She looks tearfully at Charmaine, a little close to outright panic again at all the things that could have happened flashing through her mind.

 

“Okay, okay. I believe you. What’s your plan?” Charmaine looks down at Heidi, sleeping on a pile of blankets, and crawls across the tent to her own pack. She paws through it, pulling out a compact, sharp blade and sheath with a small holster attached. She reaches out and puts it on Raven’s blankets.

 

Raven’s eyes widen. “That’s it, you just believe me?”

 

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Charmaine is silent for a moment, weighing her thoughts. “Don’t make me get all melodramatic about it, but c’mon. You put up with my bitchiness and I put up with yours. We got along really well as soon as we woke up, and then you let me move in with you and you clearly love my kid. You’re not one to raise an alarm with no reason, and you know Murphy better than I do, better than maybe anybody else. If you say that’s not him, I may not know why or how, but I trust you.” Charmaine shrugs, acting like this is clearly the only logical response.

 

Taking the knife from the spot next to her, Raven slides it into her pack, feeling a little overwhelmed. “You’re a good friend, Charmaine.” She firmly rubs her forehead to stave off the emotion Charmaine stirred up and instead focuses on the problem. “I marked the spot on the map where Miller told me he split up from Murphy. I’m going to leave tonight after everyone’s asleep and go there to see if I can find anything.”

 

“There’s no question I trust you, Raven, but there’s also no fucking way you’re going out there alone, so don’t even think about that shit happening.”

 

Eyeing her out of her peripheral vision as she folds a blanket and pushes it down into her pack, Raven admits the second part of her hasty plan. “I was thinking I’d wake up Miller, right before I left, and demand he go with me. I’m pretty sure I could guilt him into it since he won’t want me to go by myself either, and he does know the exact way.”

 

Charmaine considers this option and dismisses it. “No. I have a better idea. Stay here and watch Heidi for me for a little bit - she shouldn’t be hungry. I’ll be back before you want to leave, don’t worry.”

 

Raven nods, unsure what Charmaine wants to do but just as willing to trust her in response. Sliding on her boots, Charmaine leaves the tent and Raven carefully picks up Heidi, wanting the comfort that the baby’s presence often brings.

 

***************

 

Charmaine waits until Echo leaves the campfire that night and steps out from behind a tree when Echo goes into the woods for the bathroom. Echo isn’t startled when Charmaine makes her unexpected appearance, and Charmaine takes it as a good sign.

 

“Saw you sitting near Murphy at the campfire. You notice anything weird about him tonight?” Charmaine asks without preamble.

 

Echo only raises her eyebrow faintly at the question. “No. Seems like Murphy to me. A few rude comments here and there but not a big talker. Had a few things to say about the radio tower, asked me what Raven and Jordan were up to while he was gone, that sort of thing.”

 

“Go do your business,” Charmaine sighs. “Then you and me need to have a little chat.”

 

Frowning, Echo complies and a few minutes later she spots Charmaine settled down against a tree trunk, tossing a rock back and forth in her hands. Echo settles onto a larger boulder nearby, wondering what could possibly make Charmaine Diyoza seek her out late at night.

 

Charmaine looks her up and down, and Echo stares back defiantly. “Well, you and me aren’t exactly on friendly footing together, and maybe we never will be. I don’t have time for any of that shit right now. You know there’s no changing Raven’s mind once she’s set on something, and she’s fucking set on something tonight. I can’t go with her right away because of the baby. So I thought about it, and I figure the next best person after me has gotta be someone who knows her well enough to know when she’s lying and when she’s going to take more risks than she should - so they can stop her before she does it, of course, and I’m hoping like hell that’s you.”

 

Echo looks at Charmaine with a speculative glint in her eye. “We do have Raven in common, and I definitely know about her willingness to charge into things without worry for herself. If she’s going somewhere, she won’t be going alone.”

 

“Good,” Charmaine nods in agreement. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t want you hesitating on killing anyone or anything that might be trouble, you got that?”

 

Smiling a little at the idea, Echo fondles the handle of the sword at her side in anticipation. “Oh, that’s not a problem. Now tell me what’s going on.”

 

“Raven thinks that there’s something wrong with Murphy since he got back, like it might not even be him anymore. I know it sounds crazy, but the way she told me about it… she’s convinced, and that’s enough for me. Whatever it is, she’s determined to check it out. But if it _is_ fucking true, that Murphy isn’t Murphy right now, think about what that means for us. We don’t know who, or what, is on this planet, and if something really can somehow take us over, we’re gonna be in a fuck ton of trouble. Raven talked to Miller and got their map, and apparently he and Murphy split up for about a half hour on the trek home. She believes that’s when something happened to him and she’s got it in her head she’s going to find out what. Since you’re up for this, go pack whatever you need for a couple days and meet us at our tent after camp is dead quiet tonight. Don’t tell anyone else. Clarke and Bellamy didn’t believe her so now she’s set on gathering evidence. I’ve got a plan to cover you.”

 

Nodding reluctantly, Echo agrees. “Alright. I am not sure what I think about this. Murphy seemed fine to me, but maybe when I hear it from Raven herself it will make sense. I will come to your tent later.”

 

“There’s one more thing. You need to know that Raven is probably going to be even more likely to throw herself into trouble when she’s out there, so your guard better be up constantly. Not that she’d admit it, but I think she’s... particularly upset about this, let’s say.”

 

Echo nods her head, misunderstanding Diyoza’s insinuation. “Of course Raven is upset. Murphy is part of our family. Whatever she’s feeling, she will have me to watch her back, and to be quite honest I welcome the possibility of killing something. I haven’t had a good workout in too long.”

 

Charmaine smiles wolfishly in solidarity as she gets up and starts walking away. “You know, Echo, I know _exactly_ what you mean.”

 

***************

 

When Charmaine gets back to their tent, she explains that Echo will meet them there later, and Raven feels a rush of relief run through her at the idea. It will be better to go with Echo, although that means she might not be able to get as much past her as she would have been able to con Miller into, if something happens and she needs to get her way. Raven frowns, realizing that’s probably exactly why Charmaine chose her as Raven’s companion.

 

“Don’t complain, Raven.” Charmaine chides, spotting the thwarted expression on her face. “I’d go with you myself if I didn’t have Heidi to take care of, and I’m a lot meaner than Echo since I’m older and bossier than both of you. Now listen up, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m gonna make a few comments that I woke up early tomorrow morning because of Heidi, and I took her out of the tent to let you sleep. I’ll say I spotted Echo heading out on a hunt, and that I wanted to let you catch up on your sleep during the day since Heidi has been so troublesome. Everyone will buy that, no one will look for either of you and it’ll give you a good headstart - no one will really question it until dinner tomorrow at least, and even then I might be able to put them off a little longer.”

 

“Yeah, that’ll be good.” Raven agrees. “Miller said they were on their way back to camp, so we won’t have to hike as far as they did anyway. With my leg, we won’t be going at their faster pace though, so we’ll need you to pad our time as much as you can. I don’t want not-Murphy to have any idea that either of us aren’t in camp.”

 

Raven sighs and reaches out to grab Charmaine’s wrist, pressing to get her undivided attention, her voice serious. “Now _you_ listen this time. I’ve been furious with Murphy before and we’ve fought terribly, I’ve been exasperated with him countless times, I’ve been scared to death FOR him more than I might like to admit...but never, in all these years that I have known him, have I ever been scared OF him. And when he looked at me at dinner, it was like he wasn’t there, somehow. He looked at me _wrong_ , and I was scared of him for the first time ever.” Raven pleads with her. “Promise me you won’t let him get near Jordan or Heidi while I’m gone, and that even though Clarke is almost always with Madi that you’ll keep an eye on her too.”

 

Charmaine places her free hand over Raven’s in a reassuring squeeze. “I promise I’ll look after them all, don’t worry about them. Just focus on being safe while you’re gone, and for fuck’s sake, _tell_ Echo what you’re doing instead of just running off with whatever idea flies into your head in the moment, okay?” Raven sniffs, and nods slowly, her head sinking down to rest on their clasped hands.

 

“One other thing,” Charmaine adds consolingly, leaning forward and running her hand softly over Raven’s bent head. “If anything happens here, I won’t let anybody hurt him unless we have no other option.” Feeling a choked sob go through Raven’s body at her words, Charmaine continues gently stroking Raven’s hair as they sit together in the dark and quiet.

 

***************

 

Raven walks unsteadily alongside Echo in the shadowy woods, almost to the spot on Miller’s map where he and Murphy parted ways. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been walking anymore because it’s all blurred together, but despite her protests, Echo had made her stop for a rest and she had eventually fallen into a fitful sleep. She hadn’t wanted to waste any time on stopping, but Echo had argued that without it, she wouldn’t be at her best and that could cause something to go wrong or Raven to miss something that could help get Murphy back, and that had worried her enough to give in.

 

Her leg is aching, but she’s dealt with worse before. Echo’s glanced her way more frequently in the last hour though, and Raven thinks she might be on the verge of demanding they take another break. To deflect her concern, Raven started talking about how the radio tower finally being built would boost the signals her communication devices were able to pick up, and how that would allow them all to explore further away on the planet. Echo’s eyebrows rose skeptically, and Raven had a feeling Echo was on to her efforts, but it worked long enough to get Raven what she wanted.

 

“Looks like we’re around the spot they split up.” Raven unfolded the smaller map Miller had given her and looked around. “See if you can see anything that will tell us Murphy was around here.”

 

Echo nodded, eyes scanning the area for any evidence, as she started prowling the edge of the treeline and into the more open grassy area.

 

Raven went further into the sunnier clearing, and it wasn’t long before she found a few bushes that held some of the berries Madi had wanted Murphy to find for her. The ground here was damp, and Raven wondered if it had been like that when Murphy might have been around. Turning and waving with a little jump in the air for Echo to see her, she shouted, “Echo! The ground here is kind of wet. I’m going to crawl around and see if there might be any footprints. Don’t panic if you can’t see me, okay?” Calling back her agreement, Echo heads back towards the trees, attention focused on anything that might look out of place.

 

Her knees sinking slightly into the soggy dirt, Raven carefully examines the mud around her. She sees a few tracks that might be from some unknown animals, but no shoe prints that she can discern. She crawls across what feels like a large area, but as nothing turns up, her discouragement grows. Pulling the map out of her pocket again, she verifies she’s in the right vicinity, but she loses her grip on the map with her wet and dirty fingers and the wind catches the edge, blowing it into a bush about eight feet away. Struggling to her feet, Raven curses and stumbles after it, concerned about losing the only record she has of where Murphy went.

 

When she’s closer, she sees the map has blown into one of the other berry bushes and she’s going to have to get back onto her knees in order to fish it out of the tangle of branches. Lowering to the ground again, her hand brushes against something foreign as she balances herself. When she recognizes what she’s touching, she tugs the strap out from under the bush and gently holds it in her hands. “I fucking knew it,” she mutters to herself, “something happened to you here.” Yelling for Echo, she opens the pouch Madi had given Murphy to find it almost full of the berries he’d been asked to find.

 

Slightly out of breath, Echo runs over, eyes running over Raven to make sure she’s not hurt. “Look! Look what I found! It’s Madi’s pouch - I was there when she gave this to Murphy, asking him to find these berries. It was half under the bush, and see, it’s almost full! Something happened to him, Echo, I know it did. He wouldn’t have left this behind on purpose.” She raises her anxious gaze to Echo, almost hoping Echo could give her a believable reason that the pouch was forgotten that could indicate maybe something _hadn’t_ gone wrong.

 

Taking the pouch from Raven’s tight grasp, Echo sighs. “Yes, finding this here does indicate that something at least distracted Murphy. Maybe he did just forget it though, Raven. Maybe he heard an animal and went to check it out, and then was far enough away he didn’t want to trek back.”

 

“No,” Raven insisted. “He knew Madi wanted these - he wouldn’t have left them behind on purpose. And besides, at dinner when he came back, Madi asked him if he found any berries for her and he said he hadn’t! Why would he lie? He obviously found some - the pouch is here. If he couldn’t come back to get it, he could have just told her that he found some but that he’d had to abandon the pouch for whatever reason, but at least he knew where to find it again. No, there’s only one reason this is still here, and it’s because something happened to him. I’m telling you, Echo. He’s _wrong_ , he’s not acting like himself. I don’t know what it is, but I know something happened to him. Or do you not believe me either?”

 

A look of discomfort flits over Echo’s face. “Raven… it’s not that I don’t believe you. I believe _you_ think there’s something wrong with him, but I didn’t see anything wrong myself. It’s just that what you were telling me before, about Murphy’s eating habits - that could be explained, it doesn’t have to mean there’s a problem.”

 

Raven stares stonily at Echo, hands on her hips in agitation. “Fine. I don’t care if you believe me. I don’t care if Clarke or Bellamy believe me either. I know something’s fucking wrong, and I’m going to figure it out. We can at least agree that finding this pouch means he was here, so look around closer to this area and see if you can find anything else that could give us some information, alright?” Raven stomps off to her left, leaving Echo to gaze after her sadly before she starts to do what was asked of her.

 

Twenty minutes later, Echo knows she owes Raven a huge apology. Alarmed at what she’s found, she takes a few moments to compose herself so she doesn’t let her fears take control. She collects the item meticulously, knowing a mistake could result in trouble, and wonders how exactly she’s going to reassure Raven when she’s not at all feeling confident now herself.

 

“Raven? Can you come over here, please?”

 

Still looking indignant at Echo’s previous words, Raven picks her way carefully through the dense berry bushes, stopping next to her. “If you’re gonna say that you think there’s no point in continuing to look, we’re gonna have a big problem between us.”

 

“No, Raven, that’s not… I’m sorry, alright? Please don’t freak out, but I found something you need to see.” Echo holds out her hand, and it’s covered in a few large leaves. On the top of the leaf pile is a short, sharp needle-like object with a wider end. Raven makes a small gasp of dismay, and Echo’s free hand lifts to stop Raven’s attempt to touch the dart. “Yeah, it looks like a blow dart of some kind. It could still be dangerous, so don’t touch it. And, nearby to where I found this, I also saw some marks in the ground that look like something was being dragged. I hate to say it, but I think we can definitely conclude that Murphy was hit by this. I don't know, maybe he was able to tear it out of his skin and throw it, which is why I found it farther away from the pouch, but whatever was in this blow dart didn’t take long to affect him, and someone was able to drag him away. You were right, Raven. Something bad happened here. We should take this dart back to camp - it’s the evidence you wanted. Nobody will be able to ignore this, even if they wanted to.”

 

Raven jerks her head up, taking her attention away from the blow dart. “What? No! We’re not going back to camp without looking around these woods a little more first. If someone drugged Murphy, they had to drag him somewhere relatively nearby - maybe there’s more clues there. Yeah, maybe more people will believe something really is wrong when they see this dart, but what are we gonna do, ask not-Murphy if someone drugged him? He could just lie and then where will we be? Or what if he doesn’t even remember being hit by this dart? What will we do then? No. You can go back if you want to, Echo, but I’m not going anywhere without more answers.” She folds her arms across her chest, absolutely set on her decision. She knew something had happened to Murphy, there was no question in her mind, but seeing the blow dart and realizing that someone had deliberately wanted to incapacitate him, or worse… there was no way she’d go back to camp now.

 

“I know how you feel, Raven, I do, but if we don’t get back to camp, no one is going to realize that Murphy could be a danger to himself or others. If we don’t go back and warn anyone, who knows what could be going on? If it’s Murphy and he just doesn’t remember what happened to him or he’s sick or something, that’s bad enough. But what if it’s not Murphy and he’s got some kind of dangerous agenda? We need to get back to warn Bellamy and the rest of them.”

 

“I _did_ warn Bellamy and Clarke, and they didn’t listen to me. But Charmaine did and she knows to keep her eyes open. I asked her to look out for Jordan and Madi in particular, and she won’t let not-Murphy near Heidi either. If something starts to look strange, Charmaine will do something about it. And if Bellamy and Clarke still won’t listen to her, I know what she’ll do next - she’ll make sure Jordan knows what I think and then they’ll go to Octavia, and between the three of them, they’ll cause such a problem that Bellamy will _have_ to act. And you’re wrong, Echo. If you really knew how I felt, you’d never even suggest that we go back because you’d know I won’t. I’m going to do everything I can to fix whatever’s going on with Murphy, and that doesn’t mean heading back to camp when there’s a chance there’s more clues out here first.”

 

Echo groans, accepting that there’s going to be no changing Raven’s mind. “Fine. I’m not happy about this, but you know I wouldn’t leave you here on your own. Let’s see how far we can track the drag marks and we’ll go from there.”

 

Grinning at the capitulation, Raven gestures for Echo to lead the way and follows behind her, carefully tucking the pouch of berries into her own backpack, more convinced than ever that she's on the right track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on this story for NaNoWriMo - my first attempt at it! Cross your fingers for me I can get it done!
> 
> Please go vote on Tuesday if you live in the US!


	8. Chapter 8

 

Almost an hour later, they’re no closer to finding any new information, and Raven’s having trouble blocking out her dread about just what could have happened to Murphy when he was out here alone. She hasn’t allowed herself to think about anything but fixing him, but the more time that passes without any answers is scaring her more than she wants to admit. What if whatever’s wrong with him can’t be changed back again? What if the things that made him the _right_ Murphy are just gone and she can’t fix it? Worse, what if that’s just not Murphy at all anymore and the real Murphy is dead? Her heart thunders in her chest and her breath stutters just thinking about that possibility, and she tries to put it out of her head immediately. No, she’s not giving up on him, and he’s proved many times over that he’s too stubborn to die anyway. Preoccupied with her thoughts, she rubs a weary hand across her face, leaving a streak of dirt on her cheek, and when she opens her eyes, Raven swears she sees some kind of mirage in front of her, because the air a few trees away seems to shimmer. She starts towards it and eventually smacks right into a solid wall. Wincing at the blow to her forehead, she runs her hands along the wall in front of her, brushing aside vines to see a silvery, shiny surface. It’s not quite a mirror, and she can’t get a clear look at herself in it, but it’s definitely reflective of the greenery around her and she can make out her own shape now that she’s close.  

 

“Echo! Take a look at this!” Raven keeps her hand on the wall and walks along it, pushing aside the various plants that have been growing up and around the material. It’s a decently large structure and it appears to be built into the side of a hill. The entire thing was made to be practically invisible due to the reflective metal it was made from and the lush plantings that have grown up it.

 

“Wow, what _is_ this? How did you find this?” Echo has her hands on the wall now too, head tilted in interest as she stares at the gleaming surface.

 

“I feel like I saw something shimmer in the distance, and then I walked right into it and will probably have a bruise on my forehead,” Raven admits. “I’m not completely sure, but I think this might be made out of rhodium. It was pretty rare on Earth, but it’s reflective like this without being an actual mirror. I’d have to test it though, to be sure, but maybe it’s more abundant here. But more importantly, follow the wall around in the other direction and see if you can find a door or a way inside. Obviously it’s hiding something, and maybe this is where they dragged Murphy to!”

 

Hesitating, Echo reaches out to stop Raven as she starts to continue on in the direction she’s heading. “Raven, we should stick together. We don’t know how big this building is or who could be here or what this is even hiding.”

 

Raven’s hand drifts down to the holster and knife strapped to her thigh, the one Charmaine passed her before she left camp, with the full understanding that she’s prepared to use it if she needs to. Reluctantly, she agrees with Echo. “I wish you weren’t right, but I know you are. We could just cover more ground if we separated, but it’ll be safer if we stay together.”

 

Relieved, Echo follows as Raven continues to move forward, both of them feeling along the surface of the wall for any potential openings or indications of an entrance. Raven gets to the section closest to the hill before Echo does, pushing her hands all along the solid and cool barrier, itching to find a way in. Her finger skips over a slight ridge in the surface of the wall, different from the smooth texture everywhere else. She presses on it forcefully, putting her body weight behind her effort, and when the section suddenly gives beneath her, she goes with it, falling into the darkness of the building, landing hard on her good knee and losing her pack in the process. Scrambling to her feet as quickly as she can and turning back towards the opening, she’s not fast enough to stop the panel from swinging shut, leaving her alone in the small space. There’s a slight glow emanating from a row of lights along the bottom edge of the walls around her and Raven searches for a handle or a button of some kind to reopen the door, calling out softly for Echo. Leaning her ear against the wall, she can only hear the wild thumping of her own heart, so she knocks gently, hoping for a response from Echo on the other side.

 

When no reply comes, Raven keeps feeling around the door, cursing when she can’t find some method to open it again. Deciding that she can either wait for Echo to find her way in or use the time wisely and look around, Raven makes a few more attempts at the panel and then gives up, spinning around to take a closer look at her surroundings. She’s in some kind of kitchen, with countertops and cabinets, and there’s a small table with four chairs at the furthest end of the room. Unstrapping the knife from her thigh, she holds it up in front of her like Echo taught her, and keeping to the clear walkway through the room, she ventures into the next space. It’s quiet in here, quieter than the outside with its various animal and wind sounds, and she’s careful to watch her step so she doesn’t alert anyone to her presence. The place looks like someone’s home, but not quite lived-in since there’s virtually no clutter and no personal items at all. The next room is a living room, with chairs and books, and though it’s clean, the furniture isn’t that different from things she’s seen on Earth, mostly a combination of wood and cushions, although the bookcase is made from metal.

 

Raven continues to explore attentively, passing through a short hallway with three closed doors. Nothing seems out of place and it doesn’t feel ominous, but she knows anything could change at any time. She silently opens the door on her left, finding a small but tidy bedroom, the bed made up tightly. The next doorway is the same, another bedroom but this one has a larger bed, also with neat covers. Everything is lit by small lights towards the bottom of the wall, and none of the rooms have any windows. She closes each door to leave the place exactly as she found it, not wanting to give her presence away even once she’s gone. The third doorway at the end of the hall proves to be the exception she’s been hoping for, and Raven finds herself at the top of a narrow stairway. It’s darker here, and her pulse starts to thrum with excitement and a bit of nerves. So far nothing has given her any further clues as to what could have happened to Murphy, other than just the strange occurrence of finding an unexpected metal cabin in the woods. But whoever drugged Murphy had to take him somewhere, and this house seems like the most likely location.

 

Taking a deep breath, Raven starts down the stairs, the knife in her hand trembling a little before she steadies herself. Thanking the luck that prevents any of the steps from creaking, she makes it to the bottom, her eyes slowly adjusting to the gloomy surroundings. To her right is a large space with a workbench, piled with various pieces of metal that catch her eye. She walks closer, examining some of the unknown pieces. She sees more of what she thinks is rhodium, the material the outside of the building seems to be made from, and along with it some copper and gold pieces. There’s an entire setup of microscopes, spectrometers, thickness gauges and some equipment Raven doesn’t recognize at all. There’s also multiple shelves filled with crystals, geodes, gems and various rocks. Her eye goes right to a huge chunk of graphite, knowing what a good conductor of electricity that would be for some of her projects.

 

Despite her interest in the items on this side of the room, she crosses back in front of the stairway to the left, which leads to a short hallway. There’s only one door at the end, and this area is much darker than the other side of the workshop. Raven feels a tremor of fear go through her and for a moment wishes she wasn’t alone. Stiffening her shoulders and making sure she has a tight grip on her knife, she reaches out and slowly turns the knob on the door. When she gets it open a crack, she can see a little better into the tiny room before her, as it has some of the same low level lighting like the rooms upstairs. Pushing the door open wider, she finds a small foyer with a table straight in front of her. There’s a pitcher of water and a few glasses on a tray sitting on top, and some kind of elaborate control panel set into the wall above it. There’s an open arch to her left and when she walks farther into the foyer, she can see there’s a large cage set into the center of the space beyond the opening.

 

The details of the cell fade into the background once she spots the surprisingly familiar occupant pacing the length of the bars. Her eyes narrow in concentration and her breath hitches as she creeps forward, afraid to get her hopes up, but oh, she hopes. “Murphy?” she whispers, and his head snaps around to look at her, his eyes wide in astonishment. She stares at him, wanting to be sure she’s not imagining him in front of her, and she moves nearer to the bars, trying to get a better view of his eyes to see if it’s really him.

 

“Stop! Don’t come closer!” he cautions, taking hurried strides to the bars on her side of the cage. When he’s in reach, he hastily stretches out his hand and two of his fingers make contact with the bars. Immediately an electrical shock runs through his body, causing him to stiffen and clench his jaw.

 

“No!” Raven cries out, her hand lifting out to him helplessly, but it happens so quickly there’s nothing she can do. He’s pulling his hand back already, dazed, his eyes blinking slowly open to scrutinize her thoroughly. She’s doing the same, her gaze searching his, but despite the pain she can see there, she’s certain it’s him. These are the eyes she associates with Murphy, ones that are full of life and mischief, and they look at her  _right._  For the first time since that terrible cold numbness came over her during dinner, the knot in her stomach loosens. He must come to the same conclusion about her, because he offers her a small grin.

 

“I’m really fucking tired of electricity,” he wryly tells her, and her eyes tear up at the same time she gasps out a disturbed laugh at his gallows humor.

 

“Oh, you shouldn’t have done that! You could have just warned me not to touch, Murphy!” She wipes the tears from the corners of her eyes, unknowingly smearing more dirt on her cheeks. The desire to hug him is strong as she’s all at once feeling overcome with frantic relief that he’s not dead, but instead all she can do is look him over to see if he’s hurt. He’s missing a shirt and there’s scratches along his arms and shoulders that she can see, along with a bloody cut just above his eyebrow. She’s hunting for more when he interrupts her.

 

“How did you know where to find me?”

 

“I didn’t, really. I didn’t even know I was looking for _you_ \- I thought I was just looking for some kind of clue that would tell me what happened. I’ll tell you all about it, I promise, but now we have to figure out how to get you out of here. Are you hurt?” Her voice is full of worry at the same time her mind is running over all the ways she might be able to free him.

 

“I’ll be fine. Please tell me you aren’t here by yourself, though.” His forehead wrinkles in concern, and Raven feels a prickle of irritation.

 

She makes it obvious she’s rolling her eyes at him. “How come everyone asks _me_ stuff like that when I’m typically the one who figures out how to save our asses? Last I checked, it’s not me with two bullet wound scars right there.” Gesturing to the marks on his shoulder and torso, she shakes her head. “And no, I’m not alone. Echo’s outside - I managed to open a panel and get in, but it closed fast and I stopped trying to figure out how to open it from the inside in favor of looking around. And good thing I did, by the way, so you’re welcome! Now do you have any idea how to turn these bars off or open up this cage?”

 

“Yeah, check out that panel over there.” He watches her follow his instructions and walk towards the table in the small front room, frowning when he notices she’s walking with a stiffness she doesn’t normally have. “That’s where the guy who looks like me but _isn’t_ me does it, anyway. And we ask you stuff like that because we don’t want you getting injured, or worse. And because we all know you don’t worry about yourself as much as you worry about everyone else, so we have to do it for you.”

 

“I guess you’d know all about that in a pot-kettle kind of way, wouldn’t you,” she challenged, looking back over her shoulder reprovingly at him. “Now be quiet and let me concentrate on this, or it’s gonna be me getting shocked this time.” Raven opens the wall panel and looks intently at the arrangement of switches before Murphy sees her pry at the edges of the frame with her fingernails, loosening it enough to pull it off the wall and expose some of the wiring behind it. He can’t see into the wall from his angle, so he watches Raven instead, feeling astounded that she’s actually in the room with him. Biting back a smile, he sees her pull a small pair of pliers out of her pocket, admiring how she always likes to be as prepared as possible, and how frequently that kind of planning gets them all out of trouble. He lets his eyes wander over her as she works, wondering how she got so filthy. Her boots and pants are caked with dried mud, there’s streaks of dirt all over her face along with a few bits of leaves in her hair, but she’s still so damn gorgeous it makes his chest tight. Shutting his eyes, he takes a deep breath and wills himself not to think about her like that. The minutes pass by as he concentrates on averting his thoughts, and eventually he hears her speak up again as she comes back across the floor to the door of his cell.  

 

“Alright, I’m pretty sure I cut the electricity off to the cage, which should mean the lock won’t work anymore either. Instead of you just testing it…” Raven trails off with a glower as Murphy reaches out his fingers again to prod the bars, although this time he doesn’t get a shock. “Damn it, Murphy! I was going to suggest another way to make sure instead of you being the guinea pig!”

 

“Your definition of ‘pretty sure’ is probably everybody else’s ‘definitely’, so that’s good enough for me,” he grins, as she shakes her head at him. “See if that handle works and let’s get the fuck out of here.”

 

With an exasperated sigh, Raven slides the mechanism on the door and then pulls on the handle. It creaks open on its hinges and she hardly has time to feel pleased with herself before Murphy is out of the cage so fast he’s almost a blur. He grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together tightly and tugs her back through the entryway as she hurries to keep up. The hallway forces them back to the stairs and he barely glances at the workshop doorway as he starts up the steps. “This is the only part I saw. Tell me which way you came in.”

 

“Go straight at the door and pass through the hallway, into the living area and then the kitchen. The panel is at the far end of the room, but I don’t know how to get it open yet. It should swing inward once we figure it out.”

 

They get back into the kitchen and the room is as quiet and lifeless as when Raven first found herself inside. She starts probing the panel with her fingertips and Murphy crowds up behind her in the small space, using his hands on the higher part she can’t reach to do the same.

 

“Echo could be right outside. I couldn’t hear anything from the outside once I was in here, and I tried knocking on the panel to alert her but I don’t know if she could hear me either. When it swung open earlier, I think it was because I pushed hard on a slight ridge in the surface, but it all happened really fast. I sort of tumbled into the room and then the panel closed before I could stop it. So we might need to move quickly when we get it open, okay?”

 

“Got it,” Murphy mutters in assent, focused on the surface of the wall. He’s squeezed up against her back and she can feel the puff of warm air from his breath stir the tendrils of hair near her ear. She stifles a shiver and leans a little closer to the wall for some distance in order to keep to the objective .

 

When it happens, she’s not sure which one of them is responsible, but she was wrong about the door swinging into the room. This time, the panel swings outward when it opens, and since they were both pressing their weight against it, momentum carries them forward in a tangle of limbs. Murphy’s arm wraps around her waist and he twists his body at the last moment so he lands hard on the ground with a pained groan, but the breath is still knocked out of her when she crashes down on top of him, in spite of him cushioning her fall.

 

Lifting herself slightly on her elbows and taking in a shuddering breath, she raises her head off his chest to examine him and the unpleasant grimace on his face is clear, making her worry there’s more damage than she thought. “Did I hurt you?”

 

“Ugh, no. You’re no trouble at all compared to the damned rock underneath my head.” One of his hands is spread out over her lower back, and he uses the other to reach behind him and pull out the offensive rock. Scowling at it, he tosses it away from them before carefully dropping his head back to the ground and looking up at her. His eyes widen in concern as he raises his hand up to her jaw and his thumb rubs gently across her bottom lip. “You’ve got blood all over your lip.”

 

She tests the sore spot with her tongue and the sharp coppery tang she tastes tells her it’s true. “I must’ve bit down when we fell.” The rough pad of his thumb continues to lightly brush back and forth, soothing the sting, and she’s abruptly aware of how her body is draped over his when a burst of lust rushes through her from the intimate touch. His gaze is locked on hers and she’s reminded just how they’d ended things days ago, on the night before he left their camp, when she’d thought that he might kiss her. All she’d have to do now is tilt her head down a little and align her mouth with his and it would happen, she thinks, and she’s winding up her courage and enjoying how his warm hand on her back is pressing her closer to him when she hears her name called out across the silent woods.

 

“Raven!” Echo yells, and Raven tears her eyes away from Murphy’s captivating familiar blue ones and scrambles to her feet, watching Echo race through the trees towards them. She can sense Murphy sitting up next to her and when he’s preoccupied with wiping the dirt and pebbles off his bare back, she tries to get a glimpse of his head to see how much harm the rock might have done. She can’t help a sympathetic wince when she sees the dark, wet stain across some of his hair.

 

Echo comes to a stop in front of Raven and takes in the sight of the two of them, a thoroughly frustrated look on her face. Raven manages to look a little sheepish and Murphy smirks up at her.

 

“Well, fuck,” Echo groans. “This place is gonna be as bad as Earth, isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend, friends! Hope you have a great one! My husband will be leaving on Sunday for an 11 day stint of OT and he will not be home at all until the night before Thanksgiving. I will be on my own with my two young children that entire time and I am certain I will go insane. Cross your fingers for me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, lucky! This is a long one!

 

Echo tosses Raven’s backpack over to her with a heavy sigh. “One minute you were in front of me, and the next you went around the corner and disappeared even though I was practically right behind you. This was the only thing left on the ground. I’ve been trying to find a way in since you vanished. I can’t leave you alone for a moment without you finding trouble.”

 

Raven grins ruefully as she unzips her bag and rummages around inside. “I know, but I wasn’t doing it intentionally this time. I hit something correctly on one of the panels of the building and it swung open and I fell in. It shut immediately behind me but at first I did try to call for you and get back out again.” She finds the clean socks she was looking for and unfolds one, then pours some water from her canteen onto it and steps over behind Murphy. “Lean your head forward while I clean this and see how much damage you got.” Murphy does as she asks and Raven starts to delicately wipe away the blood from where the rock cut into his scalp.

 

“So I guess this means we’ve actually got a fake Murphy back at camp, doesn’t it?” Echo conceded grimly, and Murphy turns his head sharply to glare at her.

 

“Wait, you didn’t _know_ that wasn’t me? Why are you both out here then? And where exactly are we, anyway? Last I knew, I was gathering Madi’s berries and got hit with a blow dart, then I woke up near the bottom of a stairway.” Raven pushes gently on his neck to angle his head back into place so she can continue her work, and Murphy complies although he keeps his eyes trained on Echo for her response.

 

“Let’s get your head cleaned up and get some distance between us and this place and then we’ll sit down and discuss the whole mess.” Echo suggests. “But you should know, Murphy, that the only reason we’re out here and you’ve been rescued is because Raven knew something was wrong. The rest of us apparently had our heads up our asses.”

 

Murphy considers Echo’s comments while Raven’s skilled fingers sweep through his hair and finish cleaning his wound. He’s sitting on the ground in front of her while she leans over him so he can’t see her face, and he wonders what he might be able to read on it if he could. His head is pounding from more than just the rock he banged it on, and a part of him is content to just want to relax against her, close his eyes and fall into the first real sleep he could get since he realized he’d been taken. But with no concept of when the fake-Murphy might come back around, he isn’t willing to risk any of them staying this close to the illusory hideaway where he’d been captive, so he lifts his arm and curls his fingers around Raven’s wrist to still her movements. Missing the feel of her fingers as soon as she stops, he reluctantly releases her and gets to his feet.

 

“Which way back to camp then?” he asks, and Echo gestures off to his left and walks in front of him to lead the way. Murphy turns and takes the damp sock Raven had been using on his injury, wrings it out and stuffs it in his pants pocket before grabbing her backpack too. “Come on, let me carry this. I saw you walking stiffly inside so I know your legs are bothering you.”

 

For the first time she notices some kind of copper-colored cuff bracelet around his wrist as he reaches for her pack, and she moves her fingers towards it inquisitively.

 

“No,” he warns, directing her hand back down to her side. “I’ll tell you about this thing later. I don’t know if it’s safe to touch it but it hasn’t hurt me. Better to be safe than sorry, though. How come you're limping more?”

 

“I landed on my knee when I fell into that cabin, or whatever we’re gonna call it. I shouldn’t be sore for too long, I don’t think. But that’s more than just a scratch on your head, though. I cleaned it up but it might need stitches. When we get back and sort all this crap out, Jackson should take a look at it to be sure. Do you have a headache? What if you have a concussion? Do you feel sleepy? Maybe we should just rest here for a while first.”

 

He glances away to hide a grin at Raven’s worried concern, and keeps the amusement out of his tone when he responds to her, although she’s more perceptive than she knows. “I’m okay, I promise. Nothing that won’t heal with some time and rest. The sooner we get away from here, you can tell me what’s been going on and I can fill you in on what I remember. And then we’ll go back to camp and surprise the fuck out of that guy - and probably everybody else, too, I guess. But then we’re gonna get some serious answers about who else is on this fucking planet.”

 

Murphy’s voice hardens as he bites out that last comment, and Raven feels a shiver of trepidation run through her, wondering just how far he’ll take it to get the information he wants. She wants answers too, but not at the cost of Murphy’s morality. She thinks back to what feels like forever ago, when Finn was sick and she took matters into her own hands trying to get Lincoln to tell her what she needed to know. She’s not proud of what she did then, and she makes up her mind to do her best not to let Murphy be the interrogator when they confront the imposter.

 

Realizing Echo’s going to get too far ahead without them, Raven hurries forward. She knows she should be anxious to hear what Murphy has to say and to get back to camp to make sure everyone is safe, and she does feel that way really, but she also can’t help but wish that Echo’s timing had been just a few minutes later. She may not know exactly what she’s doing, but the fear she felt when Murphy had effectively been lost to her has taught her one thing for sure, which is that she’s done lying to herself about her feelings for him.

 

***************

 

Echo decides to stop a few hours later, partially because she can tell Raven needs a rest and also because she doesn’t want them to get too close to camp before nightfall. “We’re stopping here,” she tells Murphy and Raven as they catch up to her. “I want to review the details from each of you before we go to camp anyway, but I think the best strategy is to get to camp under cover of darkness and hide the real Murphy until tomorrow morning. That way everyone can witness the fact that there are two of them for themselves and it’ll give me time to get everyone together and prepared for defense if we need it.”

 

Slumping down against a wide tree, Raven nods as she leans back for support. Murphy walks a few feet away and returns with a fat fallen branch, lifting both of Raven’s feet and sliding the log under her to prop them up. She flashes a tired smile at him in thanks, and Murphy grabs the canteen that Echo holds out for him, taking a long drink before addressing her.

 

“Yeah, coming in at night without being seen will give us time to let people know what’s going on so the fake me can be surrounded when we confront him. I’m not sure how many people would buy it if they don’t see it with their own eyes anyway.” He passes the canteen to Raven and drops her backpack next to her. “I know where we are now and it should only take a few more hours to get back to camp, but we shouldn’t arrive until everyone’s sleeping so we won’t be spotted. That’ll give us some time to rest and fill each other in. Echo, you got any more knives in that pack of yours? Even though I only saw the one guy, none of us should be without protection while we’re out here now.”

 

Rummaging through her bag, Echo pulls out two small daggers and one leather strap, holding them out for Murphy to examine. He picks the one with the heavier handle and takes the holder too, fitting it through the belt loops on his pants before sitting a few feet away from Raven.

 

“Here, you guys, I’ve got some stuff we can eat.” Raven offers, pulling out a few smaller pouches from her bag. “I’ve got edible berries, some of that crunchy root thing Jordan likes, there’s some other fruit and then some leaves in there too.”

 

“Pass me everything but the leaves,” Murphy directed. “I hate those.”

 

Echo groans as Raven starts to laugh. “Oh, don’t encourage her, Murphy. She’s already going to get to gloat and lord it over the rest of us that she was right about you. And over fucking leaves, of all things!”

 

“It wasn’t just leaves!” Raven argues, “But you should have believed me no matter how ridiculous I sounded. And look, now there’s no denying the proof. You bet your ass I’m gonna gloat about it,” she says smugly, arching her eyebrows at Echo.

 

Rolling her eyes, Echo smiles fondly anyway. “Yes, I should have believed you. I’ll do better next time. Although hopefully there won’t _be_ a next time with one of us hijacked in some way. Go on and tell Murphy how you single-handedly figured out he needed saving.”

 

“I don’t know if I would put it like _that_ , Echo,” Raven looks a little embarrassed, “but yeah, the leaves were a clue.” She catches Murphy’s eye and explains further. “I didn’t know you weren’t you at first, but fake-you and Miller got back to camp around dinner time, and I was sitting with Bellamy, Jordan, Madi and Clarke. Fake-you joined us and I noticed you had a big pile of salad greens on your plate, which I thought was weird since I clearly remember you telling me that you refuse to eat them anymore. I was confused by it because we had plenty of other stuff to eat that night so you wouldn’t have had to take them unless you wanted to. It wasn’t the only thing I noticed, but when I told Bellamy and Clarke about you not being right, I told them about the leaves and they shrugged it off too.”

 

“So nobody else picked up on something being wrong with me, except you, but when you told people about it they didn’t believe you?” Murphy sounds disgruntled.

 

“Well, to be fair, it’s not like you went around everyone in camp. But no one seemed to notice things were off at dinner, even though I was panicked about it, and Miller didn’t act like anything was weird when I questioned him either, and he’d spent the most time with fake-you at that point. I told Clarke and Bellamy an hour or so after dinner, and they both thought I was just tired. I don’t know if you spent time with anyone else that night.”

 

“He did. Or fake-Murphy did, I guess I should say.” Echo interjects. “Fake-you sat at the campfire with me for a while, and then Emori joined us. I’m sorry to say neither of us noticed anything odd. I hadn’t talked to Diyoza at that point yet, though, and she’s the one who told me about Raven’s plan.”

 

“Wait, when did Diyoza get involved?” Murphy wonders.

 

“That was me,” Raven adds. “I was really pissed off after I talked with Clarke and Bellamy and decided they were a lost cause. I went back to my tent and Charmaine knew something was wrong right away. I told her it wasn’t you and she was the only one who believed me. She’s the one who asked Echo to come with me - at first I figured I’d make Miller come along.”

 

“Son of a bitch, of course she believed you,” Murphy gripes. Damn that woman, he thinks to himself. As soon as he paid off one debt to her, she just goes and accrues another one. At this rate, she’s always going to be in the lead.

 

“Quit it, Murphy. She reassured me and didn’t brush me off, and when I told her I found out from Miller that you two had separated on the trail home and that I was coming out here to see if I could find out anything, she’s the one who went and made Echo come with me.”

 

“Oh, I’m not mad at her, Raven. The opposite in fact. Just it fucking figures that it’s _her_ who believes you.”

 

Raven narrows her eyes, not quite sure what Murphy’s point is about Charmaine. “Anyway, the rest of our story is that Echo and I left after everyone went to sleep that night. Charmaine had a plan to tell everyone that the baby kept me up all night and she was letting me catch up on sleep, and that she saw Echo leave on an early hunting trip.That bought us some time, and she’ll probably be able to come up with some other excuse since she knows we have to stall them. Echo and I used your map and Miller showed me where you guys had split up. We went there and eventually I found Madi’s pouch full of berries under one of the bushes, and that confirmed for me that something had happened to you there.” Raven throws a dirty look at Echo. “However, _someone else_ , who will remain nameless, decided that it still didn’t mean anything had gone wrong. That is, until she found the blow dart.”

 

Echo grins and manages to look unfazed by Raven’s look. “Yes, once again, Raven is right and I was being stubborn, it’s true. In my defense, this is all really fucking weird and sounds like the plot of one of those shows we used to watch up on the Ring, not real life! But when I found the blow dart and the drag marks not that far from where Raven had found Madi’s pouch, it was obvious something bad had definitely happened.”

 

Nodding, Raven continues. “We tracked the drag marks a little while, but they didn’t lead us right to that cabin. We weren’t that far from it but it was so well hidden we had no idea it was there.” She cautiously rubs the bruise on her forehead. “And then I smacked right into it, and you guys both know I eventually fell inside and then I found Murphy in a cage in the basement.”

 

“A cage?” Echo scowls. “That definitely suggests this was a planned attack.”

 

“Yep,” Murphy agrees. “I think it was. I can’t prove anything, but there were a couple times when I felt like somebody was watching me and Miller on our trek. I didn’t mention it to him because I thought maybe I was just being paranoid, but once we get back I’m gonna ask him if he noticed anything. Like he told Raven, we were together on the trip for the most part, but then I veered off on the way home because I had seen some of those  berries Madi wanted, and I wanted to pick them on the trail back. While I was collecting them, some kind of blow dart hit me and I managed to pull it out of my neck and throw it, but it worked pretty fast. It knocked me unconscious and when I woke up, I was at the bottom of a staircase, laying on a blanket. There was a guy leaning over me so I flipped him and honestly beat the shit out of him - he should have bruises everywhere when he stops looking like me. I would have had him but he managed to snap this bracelet around my wrist and once he did, I couldn’t move anymore.” Murphy holds up the cuff that Raven had noticed earlier and Echo leans closer to examine it.  

 

When Echo’s finished looking, Murphy scoots over to Raven so she can take a look. “He had a bracelet of his own, and he pushed some buttons on his, and all of a sudden he looked exactly like me, all the damage I did was gone. I don’t know how it worked. I can’t be sure but I think he was a little shorter than me to start with, and he had blond hair and was more tan, but he definitely looked human. Then he dragged me into the cage and took my fucking shirt since his was a different color, but he already had black boots and black pants, so I guess I should be grateful he didn’t take those too. He left, and I still couldn’t move, and when he came back he had a big tray of food and water that he left inside the cage. This time he closed the door and went to that panel you used, Raven. Did something over there, walked back in front of me and touched his bracelet, and then I could move again. When I got up, I tried to reach through the bars for him, but that just ended up in a huge fucking electrical shock.”

 

Raven makes a distressed sound in her throat, remembering the Eligius collar and how painful the more powerful electrical shocks could be, and she rubs her hand along Murphy’s knee where it rests next to her in commiseration. After a moment, he nudges her palm over so he can twine his fingers with hers and gives her a small squeeze as he continues his story.

 

“Other than a few yells when I hit him, the dude didn’t speak at all to me until I opened my eyes back up after the shock. He told me to stay away from the bars and eat slowly, because he didn’t know when he’d be back. That was it, he left the room and presumably went up the stairs, and I was alone until I saw Raven.”

 

“Fuck, this isn’t good at all.” Echo says, jumping to her feet and pacing in agitation. “We have no idea where he came from and whatever those bracelets are, they’re extremely powerful if they can make one person look like someone else.”

 

“It’s not good news, but at least it sounds like there’s undeniable evidence we can look for going forward - if someone has one of these bracelets, or something made out of this material on their body, then it’ll at least indicate they could be an imposter or that they’re up to no good.” Raven feels her heart rate spike a little as Murphy runs his thumb across her wrist, although his eyes are on Echo as she moves back and forth.

 

“Raven’s right, but unfortunately, this gets worse. You might want to sit back down, Echo.” Murphy makes the suggestion as he tosses a few more berries in his mouth, but he doesn’t let go of her hand.

 

“Of course it gets worse, of course it fucking does,” Echo mutters, though she takes his advice and sits back down, this time choosing her own tree to rest against on Raven’s other side, so now Raven’s in the middle of the trio.

 

“Don’t ask me how it works, but I’m pretty sure these bracelets also create some kind of mental link. I didn’t feel anything strange at first, but then it was like I could feel this… presence… in my head, like it was looking for information. The first time it happened, I realized what was going on because the presence wanted to know about Miller. There was nothing I could do to stop my memories and impression of him from being, well, I don’t know, accessed, maybe? But I learned what it felt like and I managed once or twice to stop something from being shared. Gives me a huge fucking headache though, when I really have to concentrate.”

 

“Can you see anything in your mind, like a psychic sort of thing, from the guy who’s trying to access your information, or is it just one way?” Raven tightens her fingers around his, a worried frown on her face.

 

“As far as I can tell so far, it’s just one way. But I’m better at figuring it out and hiding things than I was. Like I can tell who he’s trying to find out about as soon as he starts to pry in my head. It must have been when fake-me sat down to dinner that night, because it was like an onslaught of information pulling. I could tell he was trying to figure out things about Bellamy, Clarke, and you, Raven. He must have dismissed Madi and Jordan then, though, because I didn’t feel much from him on that, other than names and vague relationships.”

 

“Well, that explains why he’s blended in so easily, then.” Echo runs her hand across her face in frustration. “What kind of stuff is he trying to find out, like how dangerous we are, or what we know about the planet?”

 

Murphy shrugs. “I’m not getting a sense of purpose from him other than he’s just trying to learn who certain people are. He’s not going out of his way to make fake-me talk to anyone, just basically engaging with whoever is around at the time. There’s been a couple instances where he’s suspicious - that first night, Raven, I think he knew he wasn’t convincing you. I could feel him digging really hard in my head for memories of you but I managed to only let out generic stuff. I think he might have tried looking for you the next day, because he was searching again, but I guess you had already gone off with Echo and he thought you were sleeping because he gave up. And then another time the guy kept trying to access knowledge about Jordan and what kind of experiments he was doing, but thankfully I don’t pay too much attention to that stuff anyway and didn’t have much to reveal.”

 

Echo looks at the darkened woods around them. “I’m too wired to sleep, and I want to think about what all this means. You two need some rest anyway. I’m going to take watch until we’re ready to go back to camp. Murphy, you could have a concussion and you’ve got those headaches to deal with, and Raven, I know your legs are sore, so both of you just try to sleep because tomorrow sounds like it’s going to get chaotic.”

 

“They’re not that bad!” Raven disagrees. “I could go on watch.”

 

Snorting, Echo laughs as she gets to her feet. “You didn’t complain when we stopped and you didn’t fuss when Murphy dragged that log over to put your legs on, and I know you better than you think. For once just do what you’re told so you don’t look completely bedraggled when we get back to camp - you showing up with that noticeable of a limp means that Diyoza is going to have one of her ‘chats’ with me like I didn’t take good enough care of you, and I’m not interested. I’ll be on guard so just relax, and I’ll wake you when it’s time to leave.” Echo doesn’t wait for a reply and stalks off into the shadows.

 

Raven scowls after her. “Why am I surrounded by so many bossy women?”

 

Murphy chuckles in amusement. “There’s a lot of things I could say to that, but I kinda value all my body parts staying attached, so I’m just gonna drop it instead.”

 

“That’s probably a good idea,” Raven warns him humorlessly.

 

They sit in companionable silence for a while, listening to the strange sounds of the forest, and then Raven regretfully loosens her hand from his to lift her backpack onto her lap. Murphy passes her the two empty pouches on the ground next to him, and she pulls out her blanket and a flashlight, then puts the pouches inside.

 

“It’ll get cold tonight, and we only have this blanket that I packed. On the way here, I asked Echo why she didn’t have one when we took a break, and she looked me right in the eye and said that Azgeda blood doesn’t feel the cold like Skaikru does, so she didn’t need one. I _think_ she might have been teasing me, but you know how she is. She could honestly believe it. And she really didn’t bring a blanket, so who knows, maybe it is true since she grew up in a colder climate.” Raven arranges part of the blanket behind her back and around her shoulders. “Lemme peek at your head before we try to get some sleep, and if we sit next to each other, we can just share this one.”

 

He shifts his body closer to her and casually lays his head in her lap for her to examine, his cheek against her leg. She turns on the flashlight and skims her fingers along the back of his scalp, gingerly feeling for the undoubtedly painful wound from the rock he fell onto. To her relief it’s not bleeding any longer, although he’s got a big bump there, so she turns off the flashlight and sets it in the dirt, drawing the free corner of the blanket over his arm and tucking it against him. Murphy tenses as if to sit up, but she lightly holds him down, both hands on his head. “I know you still have a headache. I’ll try to make it feel better so you can rest.”

 

Avoiding the tender spot from his injury, Raven circles her fingers, combing through his hair soothingly. It’s not long before she feels him fully slacken against her, his hand curling over her knee and his breathing slowing to a steady rhythm. The repetitive motion relaxes her as well, and she tips her head back against the tree, closing her eyes and trusting that Echo will watch out for any danger.

 

***************

 

Hours later, they’re on the outskirts of camp and Murphy can barely keep his eyes open. He estimates it’s somewhere close to three in the morning, and there’s a quiet stillness over the entire area. Echo went ahead to make sure no one would notice them sneaking in, and he and Raven are supposed to be waiting at the edge of the woods until she signals them. Raven’s no better off than he is, her whole body slumped against the tree next to him and eyes closed, practically asleep on her feet. The hammering in his head had subsided to a dull thrum as she’d kneaded her fingers along his scalp, and he’d felt bitter when Echo had woken them up after what felt like such a short rest. He barely remembers the remaining trek to camp, but the knowledge that he could go back to sleep once they arrived had been the incentive he tried to focus on.

 

His tired eyes recognize Echo in the distant moonlight, and she’s clearly gesturing for them to follow her. Murphy takes Raven’s hand in his and gently pulls her along, relieved she seems aware enough to keep her movements hushed. Echo leads them to Raven’s tent and grins at their fatigued state once they catch up to her.

 

“Don’t come out of the tent until I come get you, Murphy. We don’t want anyone else to see you until we’ve got the trap in place. I’ll talk to Bellamy first thing in the morning and then we’ll make sure fake-you is occupied so you can get cleaned up, because you look like crap. Stay quiet until then.”

 

“You always do so much for my ego, Echo. Believe me, I’m not going anywhere.” He watches her walk away as Raven bends down and carefully unzips the tent and crawls inside, and he follows right behind her. They’re greeted with the sight of Diyoza laying on her blankets and calmly lowering her gun from where it had been pointed at the tent entrance. Raven just smiles sleepily at her reaction, but Murphy’s heart pounds wildly just thinking about the possibility of a near miss and how he might’ve been too late if a shot was actually fired. Diyoza smirks at him like she can read his mind, and he pivots on his knees to shakily close the tent, taking a few concealed deep breaths to calm the rush of fear running through him.

 

“Well, this isn’t exactly the threesome I was just dreaming about, but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers,” she murmurs.

 

Raven actually laughs softly. “Thanks for not shooting us. This one’s the real Murphy, and the other one is some kind of weird imposter with freaky powers. We’ll tell you about it in the morning.” She pulls the little table in their tent closer to Charmaine to create more room, and motions to Murphy to take off his shoes while she spreads out her own pile of blankets, making her bed bigger.

 

He concentrates on getting his heartbeat settled down, but it belatedly occurs to him that she intends for them to share, and a different kind of adrenaline makes his pulse jump, taking in the cramped tent and how little space there is to fit them both considering she normally sleeps there alone. He clears his throat quietly, aware there’s a baby not far from him. “Uh, Raven? I’m gonna get blood and dirt all over your blankets if I sleep on them.”

 

She looks up from taking off her brace, already out of her boots. “Can’t be helped, and I’m covered in more mud than you are anyway. I’ll wash everything later - just appreciate that we’re finished hiking and go to sleep like I’m gonna do.”

 

“Yeah, Murphy,” Charmaine mutters slyly, “just lay down and _appreciate_ it.”

 

His eyes narrow but before he can think of anything to say in response, Raven beats him to it.

 

“Ignore her. What she actually means is that she’s glad we’re both safe and there was never any danger of her shooting me when we came in. Isn’t that right, Charmaine?”

 

He watches as Raven slides under the covers, laying on her back, and turns her head in her friend’s direction.

 

“Maybe.” Charmaine grins, and in spite of the the darkness of the tent, the affection in her voice is easy to detect.

 

Murphy grits his teeth, not fully understanding their relationship but recognizing how genuine it is and not wanting to provoke Diyoza and agitate Raven. He pulls the covers back on his side, climbing in and stretching out as much as he can in the tight space. Raven’s effectively in the middle of the two of them, but she’s much, much closer to him, and he can feel the heat from her body now that he’s under the blankets with her, although he tried to leave a gap between them. Has it only been a few days since he was kneeling in front of her tent, fantasizing about being here in her bed? And now that he is, he isn’t sure if he should be thanking his lucky stars or feeling like he’s been cursed to lay beside her, barely out of his reach but it might as well be miles instead of inches. Being next to her and surrounded by her scent on all the blankets is both calming and arousing, and his body feels almost hyper-aware of her, listening to her measured breathing. The minutes pass by, and he’s finally loosening the tension in his shoulders when she completely ruins his plan to keep that tiny distance between them for the next few hours when she rolls to her right side to face him, her knees brushing against his thigh. If he opens his eyes and turns his head, his lips might graze hers without him even trying. The image of her laying on top of him after they tumbled together escaping that cabin flickers behind his eyelids, stirring up the thought he’d had that she might’ve kissed him if they hadn’t been interrupted by Echo. Wishful thinking on his part, probably, but the possibility of it isn’t something he wants to let go of, even if it’s not doing him any good to dwell on what he can’t have.

 

Obstinately, he keeps his eyes shut and stays on his back, resisting the magnetic pull of her. He thinks instead of the imposter they’ll confront tomorrow, and his hands clench into fists in anticipation of getting the answers he wants. Just when he’s beginning to feel successful at ignoring the woman curled beside him in favor of what tomorrow will bring, Raven’s hand covers his, delicately prying his fingers back and encircling them with her own. The vital spark of connection burns through him like it always does at her touch, and he grips her tightly in return, grateful for the lifeline she so willingly offers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you know? A new one-shot AU fic yesterday, and a new chapter today! I know the wait on this update was longer than usual and I am sorry for that. Kiddo birthday, Thanksgiving, holiday sales, decorating... and December is my busiest month of the year as well. I'll still be updating, never fear, but just giving a heads up that I still don't have a schedule for posting and I'm writing most of this as I go, based on the outline in my head. Yep, I definitely know where this is going, just don't know how many chapters it'll take to get there. 
> 
> Holler if you like it! And go check out my Murven College AU if you haven't already -  
> Clarke & Raven are friends there too, and it has Jasper! I miss him!  
> ********************************************************************

 

Echo’s always been good at waking up incredibly early when she sets her internal alarms, and today is no different. She’s got to get to Bellamy and Clarke before everyone in camp wakes up so they can help her arrange the necessary plans and keep imposter-Murphy busy. It’s been an unpleasant eye-opening of late, but it’s becoming clear to her that her subterfuge skills are in need of a serious brush-up, and she wonders for probably the millionth time what Roan would think of her current predicament. It’s gotten harder to imagine his response over the years, but maybe that’s also because she’s changed so much, too.

 

Sighing, she’s careful not to wake up Emori and exits her tent. She got something of a nap, at least, before all this new drama is going to go down. It’s still dark out, but not for much longer, so she hurries along, quietly and carefully, until she reaches Clarke’s tent. If imposter-Murphy happens to wake up during this process, although it pains her to admit it, Clarke being at Bellamy’s tent at this point is going to look much less suspicious than if _she_ showed up there so early, considering she and Bellamy hadn’t really been talking outside of a few arranged meals and everyone in camp knows it.

 

She manages to get Clarke’s attention without waking Madi, and although Clarke looks skeptical when Echo doesn’t give her any background, she agrees to go to Bellamy’s tent to wake him. “Tell him you really need to talk to him, and you just couldn’t sleep,” Echo suggests, “and then meet me in the woods over by where they dump the laundry water. Don’t let anyone follow you.”

 

It’s a little while before Clarke and Bellamy approach, but since Echo’s been pacing with nervous energy the entire time, it went by fast. She can’t help but notice how closely they walk together, and it’s another reminder that her spying skills have gone to shit when she grits her teeth in response. She doesn’t have to stretch to know that Roan would mock her for that physical reaction, and he’d be rightfully ruthless about it.

 

“Thanks for coming,” she starts, and gestures for them to sit down on the large fallen tree next to her. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but you need to listen to me and not interrupt until I’m finished.” They exchange a glance at her serious tone, but both look at her expectantly and she takes a deep breath. “Raven was right, even though none of us believed her. That _isn’t_ Murphy, and I can prove it.” She watches as Bellamy’s eyes widen and Clarke’s mouth actually opens a bit in shock, and she proceeds to tell them the entire story about how Raven refused to back down, what they found in the berry patch, the strange reflective cabin in the woods, and how Murphy - the real Murphy - is currently sleeping in Raven’s tent with some kind of psychic bracelet on his wrist. It takes a while, especially with all their questions, but they finally get to a point where they’re ready to discuss what’s going to happen next.

 

Echo addresses Bellamy first. “I’m open to suggestions, but what I was thinking is this - the wood pile is still huge. If you can get fake-Murphy to agree to it, if the two of you chop wood after breakfast, that’ll take you away from most of camp. It’ll give me, Clarke, and maybe Diyoza too, some time to fill in Octavia and Indra, who will help us set up the trap. I think we should put the word out to the entire camp that right after lunch, we’re going to have an all-hands-on-deck meeting. If anyone asks, it can be to discuss the current progress and to get an update on the radio tower, okay? And then at the meeting, we can arrange for the imposter to be towards the front and then we’ll bring the real Murphy in, too. Our faker won’t be able to run - we’ll surround him - and then everyone can see for themselves that we’re telling the truth, no matter how hard it is to believe there’s two of them. And it’ll cut down on gossip and misinformation from spreading around since everyone will be there.”

 

Bellamy’s been nodding his head slowly at her scheme, but it’s Clarke who comments first. “Echo, I think that’s perfect. The only thing I’d like to add is that maybe we ask a couple of the guard to take the few children we have in camp to the Gagarin, just to keep them safe and away from the meeting? There’s normally a few older members who offer to babysit for meetings anyway, but I think it’ll help keep some of the parents from panicking about this turn of events if the kids are in easy reach of going back up to the Eligius with my Mom and Kane if something happens.”

 

“Yes, that makes sense, too.” Echo looks thoughtful. “We’d need a pilot for it. People might want to ask Raven questions at the meeting, so she’s out. I don’t want to tell Shaw - let him ask questions along with everyone else. Emori might agree to miss the meeting if I tell her the whole story early, though. I could ask her.” She turns to Bellamy again. “The real Murphy said that this guy wants to get into his head, wants to learn things about us even though it’s not been a focused target so far. If you hint to him that you’ve got things on your mind and want to go chop wood, he might take that as an opening to learn more about you. Exploit it to keep him busy if you have to.”

 

Bellamy stands up. “I think this will work. After breakfast, I’ll get the imposter to the wood pile, don’t worry about that. Depending on how it goes, we’ll head straight to lunch after or we’ll wash off in the lake first. Either way, I’ll try to keep him away from other people. But what are we going to do with the real Murphy until after lunch?”

 

Echo lets out a snort. “Oh, I think we can let Raven handle that.” When Bellamy gives her a puzzled look at her laugh, she explains. “What I mean is, I told him not to leave Raven’s tent until I come get them. I’ll wait until you get fake-Murphy off to the wood pile so there’s no chance of them running into each other, and then I’ll take them both to the Gagarin. Honestly, they’re both pretty filthy from the woods so they can clean up there and he can wait it out alone or Raven can keep him company until after lunch. They’ll just need to stay out of sight of whatever kids and elderly decide to hang out there.” She decides to leave out her increasing impressions about what’s going on with the two of them.

 

Gesturing to Clarke, Echo continues. “After breakfast, I’ll grab Diyoza. Can you get Octavia, Indra and Madi together and meet me back here then? We’ll tell them and then we can decide who will be where during the meeting, and maybe we can arrange to stash some extra weapons around the dining area just in case.” She glances between them. “If neither of you have anything to add, I’m going to go catch Emori and fill her in, and we might have enough time to get a quick hunt in before breakfast.”

 

“Thanks, Echo. I think I’m solid on the plan, even though I can’t quite believe this is what’s going on.” Bellamy shakes his head in disbelief.  “How about you, Clarke, you want to discuss anything else?”

 

Shrugging her shoulders, Clarke agrees. “No. I’m just kind of stunned about all this too. Thanks, Echo, and I’ll meet you here after breakfast.”

 

Echo nods at them both and stalks off to talk to Emori, missing the wordless look of incredulity between Bellamy and Clarke.

 

Bellamy paces a few feet farther into the woods. “I barely know what to think right now. I’ve lived with Murphy for six years, six _years_ , on the Ring and have been sharing a tent with him down here and I’ve had no damn idea it wasn’t him. How did I miss this? And that’s _in spite_ of Raven warning me about it. She’s gonna be super fucking pissed I didn’t listen to her, and Murphy is never gonna let it go that I had no idea.”

 

Clarke groans. “Well if it’s any consolation, you won’t be the only one Raven’s angry with. Things were finally getting back on track between us and I didn’t believe her either. I might’ve just ruined it all over again.” She sighs and Bellamy thinks he sees the beginnings of tears in her eyes. He sits back down next to her on the tree and lets his hand rest on her knee in comfort.

 

“Hey, I know it looks bad for us, but you know what? I think maybe we both just wanted to believe that we were all safe here.” Clarke looks up at him and he sees the dawning understanding of his words. “We wanted to believe we’d found a second chance on this planet - I know I did. We should’ve believed her, and we need to apologize for that… but when push comes to shove, she’ll get it. You know Raven - she’ll get mad but then she’ll get over it. She won’t let this damage your friendship. Murphy, on the other hand… he’s gonna enjoy this.”

 

Sniffing, Clarke offers him a small smile. “I hope you’re right about Raven, and I think you’re unfortunately right about Murphy, too, so you’re gonna have to suck up his teasing. But I do know what you mean. Maybe I did just want to believe this planet was safe, that we wouldn’t have to deal with all the things here that we’ve already been through. And now… people aren’t going to appreciate some stranger lying and disguising themselves to get into our camp, even _if_ their intentions weren’t dangerous. The technology alone is going to be enough to scare people, and the fact that they already had a cage... We might have to make some tough decisions as a result of this meeting.” She squeezes his hand where it’s still resting on her knee and he loses his train of thought for a minute, the tingle running through their linked hands distracting him.

 

“Whatever it is, we’re all together this time, and we’re not going to let any kind of miscommunication happen to fuck it up.” Bellamy’s eyes get a stony glint in them, and Clarke thinks maybe she should be more worried about what’s going to happen today, but it’s hard not to feel reassured when Bellamy is with her.

 

***************

 

On her way back to her tent and Emori, Echo sees Diyoza walking around the lake with Heidi and decides to detour in that direction to fill her in now, while she’s alone and the first light is just beginning to touch the sky. She waits until she catches up close enough to see if the baby is awake before talking, not wanting to risk making her cry if she’s too loud. Diyoza takes care of it, though, with a finger to her mouth as a warning.

 

“She woke up fussy and I didn’t want to disturb Raven and Murphy since they looked exhausted, so we’ve been walking a while and she just went back out. We should be fine talking but I’ve got to keep moving if I want her to stay asleep, so if you want my attention, keep up.”

 

Echo nods and falls into step alongside her, and though it’s tough to admit, she knows she needs to acknowledge something leftover from their time on Earth. “I guess I can’t blame you for thinking I was a crap spy all those years ago.”

 

A shrewd little smile quirks up Diyoza’s lips at the confession. “I’ll take that to mean you picked up on it, then.”

 

_Got to give credit where credit is due,_ Echo thinks, because even now Diyoza is being cagey enough not to give it away, and she wonders if Raven knows what an ally she’s made. “If you mean did I feel like an unwanted third wheel out there in the woods, then yeah, I picked up on it.” She rolls her eyes in disgust at herself that she didn’t see it sooner, and she thinks again how much her time on the Ring softened her to an extent she hadn’t even realized. It was one thing to be a part of a family, but it was another to have let her skills deteriorate.

 

Diyoza suddenly looks like she wants to laugh at Echo’s disturbed tone, but she restrains herself so as not to disrupt the sleeping baby in her arms. “For what it’s worth, it was pretty subtle before, although honestly it was clear to me when we were all stuck in that damned Shallow Valley and I took them as prisoners. There was a lot more than just ‘family’ going on, whether they knew it then or not, but I’m willing to throw you a bone and say maybe it took an outsider to see it.” She turns to Echo with a speculative expression. “You should have noticed it once we got down here though.”

 

“Yeah, well, I had some things going on,” Echo drily retorts.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Diyoza lectures, and with her eyebrow raised in judgment, she looks every bit as regal as Queen Nia used to when she was displeased, even if there is a cute baby pressed up against her. And damn it if she isn’t right, Echo sighs.

 

There’s silence between them for a few moments, and Echo knows Diyoza’s being deliberate about it so the lesson sinks in, and she wonders at her agenda.

 

“It’s not going to be as subtle anymore, not on Raven’s part anyway. She was terrified he was dead before she left camp with you, even though she was trying to convince herself it couldn’t be possible. Now that she’s got him back and we’ve got trouble to deal with again, she won’t be able to help herself from revealing her feelings to anyone paying attention.”

 

Even though Echo might be willing to begrudgingly concede that Diyoza wasn’t _that_ awful, and even if it was very obvious that she cared a lot for Raven, it still rubs her the wrong way at how sure Diyoza sounds in her ability to predict what Raven’s actions are going to be. If she’s honest with herself though… she can recognize that she’s jealous. Both of the close relationship that Diyoza has developed with Raven and in the attitude of self-confidence that Diyoza has. _I used to be like that,_ Echo thinks. _And I want to be like that again._

 

So for at least the third time so far this morning, she grits her teeth to prevent herself from saying something she shouldn’t, and instead makes up her mind to do better. “What makes you so sure?”

 

The smile that breaks over Diyoza’s face is so naughtily playful that Echo is reminded that this woman is frightening whether she’s friend or foe, and her tone is indecently smug. “If you had seen the two of them in the tent this morning, you wouldn’t be asking.”

 

Echo barely has time to digest that information or how she feels about it, because in an instant, Diyoza’s face changes to all business and her eyes go hard as she looks across her daughter’s head to Echo. “Now tell me what went down after you left camp, and don’t leave a fucking thing out.”

 

Spy skills gone to shit or not, Echo still recognizes an order when she hears one.

 

***************

 

Murphy squints open his eyes, the tent bathed in morning light. His acclimated senses to this world tell him it’s still pretty early, but Diyoza and Heidi aren’t inside any longer, and he feels uncomfortably appalled to realize he must have slept through them both waking up and leaving. Although that obliviousness might have quite a lot to do with the woman curled up in his arms. His intentions to keep some small distance between them for the hours they’d slept next to each other last night had clearly been abandoned completely at some point, considering the way they were twisted together now. Raven’s still facing him on her right side, but he’s turned towards her too, his right arm around her middle and the other underneath her neck with his hand circled up around her left shoulder. She’s tucked against him, head under his chin, hand on his chest and her legs wedged between his, and maybe it’s no wonder he slept so deeply.

 

Remembering that Echo told him to stay in the tent until she came and got him, he deliberately remains as motionless as he can, not wanting to wake Raven up, both for her sake and his own. He never expected to get this, to lay down alongside her and end up wrapped together so closely, and he’s going to savor it for as long as he gets to. He’s not one to turn down an opportunity when he sees it, even though he’s aware the memory of this is going to torment him later, when he doesn’t have it and he’s stuck sharing a tent with Bellamy and his damned snoring again. But he can’t regret that he gravitated towards her in his sleep. His body has always been honest about what it wants - it’s his mind that comes up with all the reasons he can’t have her.

 

Letting his fingers widen just the slightest bit on Raven’s shoulder, he closes his eyes and takes stock of his body. His head is aching from the blow it took from landing on top of the rock, and there’s some soreness in his back, probably from being dragged after he got hit with whatever was in that blow dart. He has some minor scratches and he thinks there might be a cut above one of his eyebrows, but all in all, not bad for getting drugged, kidnapped and imprisoned for what feels like the hundredth time. The worst part of the whole ordeal wasn’t the physical aspect, anyway, although he supposes it almost never has been for him. He’d definitely felt a new level of fear when that guy had transformed into his own familiar face right in front of him. It was one thing to be trapped somewhere no one knew with a captor who he had no insight about, but the realization that the fucker was going to masquerade as him around everyone he cared about was something he wasn’t sure that he could describe. That had been especially awful, and he’d raged about it for hours after the imposter left.

 

Even then though, he hadn’t realized it would get worse. That first feeling of something strange in his head had been completely weird. Not exactly painful, more like a pulling sensation he’d never felt before. When he’d figured out what was happening and started trying to prevent it, then it did get painful, but in the beginning it was like a really strong headache. He’d thankfully gotten some practice at building up his efforts when the imposter was with Miller, but still, he hadn’t been prepared for what had happened when the fake version of him got to camp. He hadn’t fought back on small things, trying to pick his battles so he wouldn’t be exhausted, but he was going to have to ask Raven what exactly had happened at that dinner table, because the man had pulled _hard_ for information about her. He hadn’t told Raven and Echo the full truth of how excruciating it had been to hold back on giving away more than just generic or unimportant information, but it was another case of the physical pain just being only one aspect of what was happening. He didn’t know what was going on in camp, he couldn’t _see_ , didn’t know if the imposter was just talking to Raven or trying to hurt her physically, and then he’d felt panicked that because he’d fought back and didn’t give away his memories of her, that maybe the fake version of him would seek her out and try to harm her when no one else was around and he’d do it while wearing _his_ face.

 

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down as he remembers the worry and fear he’d felt that night, locked up in the cage. She didn’t know it at the time, but her leaving camp had helped him in more ways than one. The imposter hadn’t dug quite that hard about anyone else except Raven, and after hearing her tell him that she was the only one who hadn’t believed the fake version of him, he guessed he knew why. Murphy wasn’t inclined to give this asshole the benefit of the doubt, and that meant anticipating the worst. Which in this case forced him to assume that the imposter would act to eliminate the threat - and the threat was Raven. If she hadn’t left camp that night, if she hadn’t been so stubborn or if Diyoza hadn’t believed her… he didn’t want to think about the ‘what if’s’, but that wasn’t going to stop them from playing out in his mind anyway.

 

Laying here with Raven cuddled beside him, it wasn’t hard to make himself relax even with his racing thoughts, but he knew it was going to be a different story when it came time to interrogate that stranger. A part of him doesn’t even care about answers, doesn’t want them at all. He can appreciate that his time in space may have taught him to be a better man in some ways - he knows what it means to have a family, he cares about more people than he ever thought he would, and accepts that they care about him as well, as strange as that may feel at times. He’s not perfect, but he has principles and people he’ll fight for and maybe even likes being part of a team some days. But he’d learned a few things in that short few weeks on Earth again, too, and eliminating the threat when it was right in front of his fucking face was one of them.

 

***************

 

Raven has always been naturally slow to wake up, preferring to snuggle down under the blankets for a few more minutes before rising whenever she can, annoyed that her rest seems to pass by so quickly. Most of the time she’s willing to acknowledge it’s something of a bad habit, to be grumpy and slow-moving in the morning, but today she’s grateful for it. Because today it means that she doesn’t make any sudden movements to show that she’s awake, simply coming to awareness even though her eyes are still shut. She’s so comfortably warm, and when she understands that her cheek is pressed right under Murphy’s shoulder, his arms around her, the last thing she wants to do is move or cause him to release her. Under her ear, the steady thrumming of his heartbeat is reassuring, and she can almost imagine the rhythm of it repeats a message just for her: not-dead, not-dead, not-dead.

 

If things were different between them, she’d indulge her urge to trace her fingers against his skin where they rest on his chest, to kiss the spot along his jaw that she could reach if she only lifted her head, and for now, she lets herself get caught up in the fantasy that this is how she always wakes up, that she’s allowed to touch him however she wants because she knows it’s what he wants, too… but no, it’s a dangerous path to wander down, to fool herself into believing that they are _more_ than what they are, no matter how much she wants it to be true. Since she’s admitted her feelings inside her own head and even to Charmaine, she dreams about him far too much for her own good, and the amount of time she’s spent thinking about kissing him lately can’t be healthy, either.

 

Maybe she’s a bit more touch-starved than she thought. Yes, she shared some kisses with Shaw, but things really hadn’t gone all that far once they’d gotten down on the planet and she’d been so busy. It’s not lost on her that it has been a very, very long time since she’s woken up curled together with another human being like this, and the sting of tears prickles behind her closed eyelids as she gives herself permission to have a moment of self-pity over it. It’s probably going to be harder to go back to _not_ having it after she’s gotten a brief taste, but she wouldn’t give this up for anything, especially not after having been so recently scared that she might never see Murphy again, the real Murphy, anyway. There’s been far too many close calls that involve him, she’s well aware of that, but this one… she’s never going to forget that instant when she first saw those dull, dead eyes stare back at her from his face. A shudder runs through her at the memory, and Murphy’s arms tighten protectively around her.

 

“You awake?” he whispers, his chin brushing her forehead, and just for a second, she’s tempted not to answer, to allow him to think that she’s still asleep so she can stay in his embrace for as long as she can. But she doesn’t want to lie to him, even if it does get her something she’d like to have.

 

“Yeah,” she mumbles against his skin, and finally lets her hand slide a few inches down his chest, the feeling of him warm and solid under her fingertips.

 

The rise and fall of his body stutters under her cheek, his breath catching, and she’s so tempted to do it again to see if that response was because of her movements, but while she’s considering if she could get away with it, he asks her another quiet question.

 

“Did you have a bad dream?”

 

“No, not exactly. I was remembering that awful moment when I realized it wasn’t you sitting at the table with all of us.” His hand clutches her shoulder a little harder at her admission, but she knows it’s his way of both consoling her and a frustrated gesture on his part because it had happened at all.

 

“You said the leaves on the plate weren’t the only thing you noticed. How did you know it wasn’t me?” His voice sounds rougher and more urgent than before.

 

She pushes lightly with the hand that’s now resting slightly above his stomach so he’ll loosen his grasp on her, and she leans her shoulders back far enough to angle her chin up and see his face. “I knew it as soon as I saw your eyes,” she revealed. “You looked at me _wrong._ ”

 

His fierce blue eyes are regarding her intently, head slightly tilted as if he was trying to figure her out, and she suddenly feels overheated with the force of his gaze. “How am I supposed to look at you?”

 

The way he asks her sends a flare of desire rushing hot and bright through her veins, and she swallows nervously as her heartbeat thuds under her breast and butterflies flutter in her stomach. Her own eyes search his desperately, wanting to know if he’s as affected as she is. She licks her bottom lip and she doesn’t even sound like herself when she answers him. “Like how you’re looking at me right now.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I'm finally back to this one with chapter 11! It's over 5k so I hope that helps to make up for the wait while I got a few other stories out of my system. My goal is definitely to complete this fic before Season 6 starts, since canon will obliterate my entire plot. Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading ~ and I hope you are!
> 
> *************************************************************************************************

 

_“I knew it as soon as I saw your eyes,” she revealed. “You looked at me wrong.”_

 

_His fierce blue eyes are regarding her intently, head slightly tilted as if he was trying to figure her out, and she suddenly feels overheated with the force of his gaze. “How am I supposed to look at you?”_

 

_The way he asks her sends a flare of desire rushing hot and bright through her veins, and she swallows nervously as her heartbeat thuds under her breast and butterflies flutter in her stomach. Her own eyes search his desperately, wanting to know if he’s as affected as she is. She licks her bottom lip and she doesn’t even sound like herself when she answers him. “Like how you’re looking at me right now.”_

 

************

It was fitting, Raven thought, that it was a joint effort that had them meeting in the middle, each of them making the choice to take the leap into the unknown. She leans up and Murphy tilts his head down, and then their lips are touching. It should be easy, a simple kiss, even if it is the first one they’ve shared and she’s been wondering about it for far longer than she maybe should have. Neither of them are inexperienced, after all, and kissing isn’t rocket science. At least, that’s what logic would tell her, but the reality is much different. Instead, her pulse is racing, the sound of her blood pumping through her veins roars in her ears, and she feels like she’s a teenager again, not knowing where to put her hands or exactly what to do next. It would be funny, something she might even joke about, if only she wasn’t so _nervous_.

 

Deliberately calming her breathing, she focuses on the soft glide of Murphy’s mouth on hers, the warmth of his skin under her fingertips as she skates them up his bare chest to cup the back of his neck. She lets go of her jittery thoughts, just gives in to the moment she’s been longing for and opens herself up to it. The kiss is slow, deliberate, both of them recognizing the significance of this milestone. There’s a tingle spreading through her from where they’re connected, and she parts her lips, her tongue darting out to taste him. The mood of the kiss deepens as his arms pull her closer, and Murphy shifts his weight to lay on his side so they face each other, their bodies pressed together, breathing the same breath. He’s making her so hot already, her body absorbing all the heat he’s giving off, and every nerve ending inside her is sparking to life with the irresistible way he touches her. One of his hands stretches up into her hair, cradling her head, while his other palm spreads over her lower back, holding her to him. It’s all so good, so perfect, she’s barely aware of the lusty little moans of approval she’s making in the back of her throat.

 

Murphy seems to be as caught up in the whirlwind as she is, his tongue stroking hers urgently when she angles her pelvis more intimately against his. He nips at her bottom lip when she does it and a wave of intense arousal washes over her at the action. Fleetingly, she wonders how far she’s going to let this go, but then Murphy’s thumb rubs along her cheek and distracts her from everything except sensation once again.

 

It could be minutes, it could be an hour while they kiss, either way Raven has lost all sense of time. But both of them are knocked from the too-brief period of passion when Echo’s voice irreverently interrupts them from near the tent entrance.

 

“Stop whatever it is that you’re doing, and don’t say a word about it. Just get up and come with me to the Gagarin while we’re still in the clear.”

 

The sound startles Raven, but she pulls back reluctantly rather than abruptly, internally cursing Echo for her horrible timing. Her eyes flutter open to see Murphy staring back at her, his own blue gaze intent and full of questions that will have to wait. His hand still rests along her jaw, her own fingers at the nape of his neck, and his eyes don’t leave hers as he takes a deep breath and quietly responds to Echo.

 

“We’ll be right out.”

 

Her own breathing isn’t exactly composed, and her heartbeat continues to hammer in her chest as she tears her eyes away and she and Murphy separate, turning their attention to clothes and boots. She kept her muddy pants on when she’d crawled between her blankets, but she’d taken off her jacket and long-sleeved shirt to sleep in just her tank top, and now that she’s not in Murphy’s arms, the air is chilly on her skin. She pulls the shirt back on, despite it being dirty, and leans down to lace up her boots and strap on her brace. The sound of the tent zipper is loud when Murphy opens it, and she can see Echo scowl in at them both.

 

“I forgot Murphy doesn’t have a shirt, and you’re both just as dirty as you were earlier. Raven, you still have leaves stuck in your hair! I’m going to take Murphy to the Gagarin while I know Bellamy has the other guy occupied, and you guys have to stay out of sight there until after lunch, when I’ll come get you for the meeting and we’ll confront him with everyone present. Raven, why don’t you grab your own clothes, some soap and towels, and go to Murphy’s tent to get him a change of clothes too? Then you can both clean up in the Gagarin showers.”

 

“I’ll get my own stuff,” Murphy challenged, “and anyway, I wanna see if this guy messed up my things.”

 

“No, you can check out your tent later. I’m not risking anyone seeing you around camp at the same time you’re also chopping wood with Bellamy. Raven can go to your tent, and you can go after lunch to check on your stuff.” Echo is adamant, and now it’s Murphy who’s scowling, but he looks over at Raven and tells her where she can find his clothes, provided they haven’t been moved by his imposter. She’s watching carefully to see if she can read anything in his expression, but he’s hidden whatever emotional response he has to their kiss well and she doesn’t find any clues to go on.

 

“Alright, I’ll meet you both at the Gagarin in a little bit,” Raven agrees, as she ducks back into her tent to grab some towels.

 

“Remember, Raven - if anyone sees you, the story is that you’ve been scarce because you were feeling run down and needed to catch up on your sleep. Don’t let anyone follow you to the Gagarin and make up an excuse if you get caught in Murphy’s tent.”

 

“Got it,” she nods, and watches Echo and Murphy head off in the direction of the large ship, her fingers drifting up to trace over her bottom lip, hardly believing that she finally knew what it felt like to kiss Murphy.

 

***************

 

Echo follows about two steps behind Murphy, knowing from his body language that he wouldn’t welcome her efforts at conversation. He’s tense, and Echo would be willing to bet it’s due to a combination of him not being happy Raven was in camp unaccompanied while the imposter was around, the residual annoyance from her interrupting whatever it was they had been up to in that tent - and she knew it was _something_ \- and probably just Murphy’s own tendency to be standoffish.

 

Well, she had learned some things in six years, she figured, so she makes an attempt anyway. “She’s fine, stop worrying about it. I followed fake-you and Bellamy to the wood pile and waited there a bit to make sure everything was good before I came to get you. If she runs into anyone at all, they’ll be friendly and it’ll be no trouble.”

 

His only response is a slight grunt, but Echo isn’t deterred. Long before she lived on the Ring with Murphy and had to put up with him, she’d encountered plenty of cantankerous personalities in her Azgeda clan. He needs a diversion, Echo decides, and it’s an easy one to grant.

 

“While we’re waiting for Raven, let’s go to the exercise room and you can show me what kind of moves this guy tried to use on you.”

 

He glances over his shoulder at her with a brief nod, and when he turns back around to walk up the small side entrance ramp to the Gagarin, Echo grins at his quick agreement. Years ago, when they were first on the Ring and she’d tried to make herself helpful, she’d offered to train them all with various weapons. Bellamy had wanted to swordfight right away, but Murphy hadn’t been interested, although sometimes he’d come and watch Bellamy get his ass handed to him, a smirk on his face the entire time as Bellamy sweated and swore. Monty and Harper and even Emori had been willing to let Echo lead them in various exercises to help keep their bodies active, but Raven had been reluctant too, at first, because she’d held Echo responsible for the death of her friend, Gina. She came around a little when Harper convinced Raven to join them during the exercises, and it had taken a while, but eventually Raven had softened, asking Echo to teach her how to disarm someone in close quarters. Months in, Raven had gotten quick enough where she was sometimes able to knock a knife out of Echo’s hand, and it was after one of those sessions where Murphy had first approached her. He had seen Raven get the knife away, and asked Echo to teach him how to do it too.

 

It hadn’t been easy. Murphy was nothing like Bellamy or even Raven when it came to sparring. He cared nothing for the mental strategy of weapons fighting, didn’t want to hear about technique or even the artistry that could be tapped into with proper wielding of a sword. He was impatient and mouthy, and completely undisciplined. Echo often wanted to strangle him, but gradually they’d roughed out a routine that worked for them both. Murphy preferred to disarm his opponent and fight with his body as the weapon, making it personal, favoring quick and dirty to get the job done. Echo could appreciate that - as much as she loved her sword and enjoyed fighting with Bellamy and the challenge he ultimately learned to provide, going at it with Murphy kept her on her toes. It was tough to anticipate his moves when Murphy himself never seemed to know what he would do next. Two years in, Echo had convinced him that he needed to add a knife or dagger into his skillset, and he had begrudgingly agreed.She was confident that if they had a knife or could get their hands on one, her Ring family would have no trouble outmaneuvering their foe - she’d made sure of it.

 

Catching up, she unstraps her sword belt and lays it carefully on the padded mat of the exercise area. Knowing Murphy, he was still pissed that a blow dart had taken him out. Talking wasn’t her strong suit - Bellamy and Raven were the best at that now, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do anything for him. The physical release of fighting had always helped her vent her frustrations, and she had a feeling it would do Murphy good too.

 

***************

 

Raven grips the bag on her shoulder tighter, looking behind her to make sure no one is following. Getting Murphy’s clothes had taken longer than she planned, because she ran into Niylah and hadn’t wanted to raise any suspicions over her actions. She’d chatted a little while, catching up on camp gossip, aware that Echo and Murphy were expecting her. Finally, she found an opening to excuse herself, and hurried towards the edge of the woods.

 

Echo was sitting on the ramp of the side door, waiting. Raven could see her shoulders relax as she approaches, and she slings the bag onto the ground as she sits down beside her. “Sorry, I couldn’t get away from Niylah.”

 

“It’s okay. I let Murphy take out some of his aggressions on me to distract him, but it wasn’t enough. I think he’s beating the crap out of one of those heavy bags they have in there now. It’s a wonder he has any energy - he looks exhausted.”

 

“I don’t think he slept much at all while he was in that cage,” Raven sighs, picking at a blotch of dried mud on her thigh.

 

Echo leans towards her, noting the streaks of dirt on her face. “Here, let me get some of these leaves out of your hair before you wash it. I don’t think you’re looking very well rested either.”

 

The two sit together in silence for a few minutes while Echo carefully plucks the debris out of Raven’s hair, and Echo comprehends that sparring isn’t going to help _this_ friend. “So when did this happen?”

 

At first she thinks Raven isn’t going to answer, since she’s quiet and doesn’t acknowledge the question. Echo deliberately kept it open-ended, not wanting to intrude too much but wanting Raven to know she’s noticed. There’s a pain in her chest, a stab of hurt that Raven’s not sharing, but Echo knows that she’s contributed to any reluctance on Raven’s part, that the more than half a year they’ve been on this planet has been spent with a breach between most of them that’s only recently starting to heal. Jealousy kicks in too, making Echo wonder if Raven has confided in Diyoza or even Clarke, and Echo struggles not to let it show.

 

It’s unexpected when Raven leans her head onto Echo’s shoulder, a rare acknowledgment that she’s in need of comfort, but Echo welcomes it, putting her arm around Raven and squeezing slightly. They’re all a little better at physical affection after Harper and Monty, but none of them are exactly effusive about it despite how nice it feels.

 

“I guess the short version is everything that happened since we spotted the Eligius IV on the Ring. He really did stay behind for me, told me that he’d kill all the prisoners so I wouldn’t have to. And when those criminals woke up, I panicked at how most of them were looking at me, but he just stepped in between us and kept all the attention on him by being rude and sarcastic. You should have seen it. Everything that happened after that, the shock collars, fucking McCreary with that knife at his throat...I would have said anything, Echo, done whatever he wanted to prevent him from killing Murphy.” Raven pauses, swallowing the fear that even the memory still brings, looking out over the trees before continuing. “You know, when we were waiting to take off from Earth that last time, I didn’t know that he’d been shot. I knew we couldn’t reach Monty over the walkie, that Bellamy was refusing to leave and Clarke and I were trying to force him. But other than Monty, I didn’t know who was still out there, who Bellamy was waiting for. I was sitting in that chair, pushing all the right buttons and knowing what to do to get us out of there, but I felt numb inside. It was like leaving Clarke behind all over again, but so much worse. I got the okay to get us out of there, and it had to have been at least an hour later, I don’t know, but when I could finally leave the cockpit area, Harper was waiting for me.”

 

Remembering that stressful time herself, Echo rubs her hand along Raven’s arm as she continues to speak, grateful that maybe things between them aren’t as bad as she feared.

 

“Harper told me that Bellamy had been waiting for Monty, Emori and Murphy, because Murphy had been shot twice and Monty’d had to carry him through the woods. She said that Abby and Jackson were trying to get the bullets out and the rest of you were waiting for word. Do you know what I did? I threw up all over Harper’s shoe. I never even got to apologize for that, really. She didn’t even bat an eye, Harper, she just hugged me anyway and told me he’d be fine as I cried all over her. Even later, when I saw for myself that he was gonna be okay, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d almost left him behind. You have no idea how relieved I was that cryosleep was our best option. I just wanted to forget so much about what had happened in just those few weeks on Earth, but then we woke up and Harper and Monty were gone, Murphy was still healing, none of my guilt had faded, we all barely spoke to each other and then Murphy just kept leaving camp and I missed him, missed all of you so much… All of it made me think about my feelings, you know, and I had gotten to the point where I thought I should keep everything buried deep down and try to forget about it. But then it changed again because that night at dinner he looked at me but it wasn’t him, and for the first time he _was_ gone.”

 

Raven takes a deep breath and swipes at her eyes, emotionally exhausted as she finally gets some of these feelings verbalized. “I didn’t let myself dwell on it, but I was really scared it was too late, Echo. That I had missed any chance at all to tell him how I felt. I don’t want to pretend anymore.” She chokes out a strained laugh as she sits up, taking her head off Echo’s shoulder and looking at her directly. “So yeah, I guess that’s the short version. But if I’m honest, the longer version is that there’s been a connection between us for a long time, even when it was the last thing that I wanted.”

 

Recognizing the same confident tone in Raven’s voice that she heard in Diyoza’s early this morning, Echo can’t help but smile. Raven’s path might not be an easy one, but at least she felt right walking it. That’s what Echo wanted again, and it eased things between them that Raven had chosen to open up to her about it. “Nothing like love to complicate things, huh?”

 

They both laugh, and Echo feels lighter than she has in a long while. “You know, if anyone had ever asked me, I don’t think I would have seen this coming. And you don’t need to guess how that makes me feel about my spy skills,” Echo admits ruefully. “But now that you’re _telling_ me about it, a lot of things make more sense when I think back on them. I’m sorry I didn’t think about how you were feeling about that take off. For what it’s worth, none of us ever blamed you for not wanting to delay. It was a shit position to put you in, like always.” Cautiously, she rests a hand on Raven’s knee as she broaches what could be a touchy topic. “Not that I think she would have an issue, but what are you going to do if Emori is uncomfortable about this?”

 

A brief flash of worry crosses over Raven’s face as she considers the question. “I’ve thought about that a lot, and I’m planning to talk with her. I would never want to do anything that makes her upset. If Emori needs me to stay away, then I would try to.” Biting her lip, she looks down at the ground, embarrassed. “But I hope she doesn’t ask for that, because I’m not sure it’s a promise I could keep.”

 

Not stopping to think before she speaks, Echo snorts. “Now you sound like Bellamy.”

 

Stricken, Raven raises her head and looks at Echo apologetically. “Oh, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that -,”

 

Cutting her off, Echo holds up her hand. “No! That’s not what I mean. You’re just being honest, and Bellamy is being honest too. You know how you feel, and you’re saying you’re not sure you could stay away from Murphy even if Emori asked you to, even though you would _try_ to, for her sake. That’s a valid feeling for you even if it makes someone else unhappy. For the record, I don’t think Emori is going to have any issues here. She’s really crazy about the guy she’s seeing right now. It’s just… that’s the situation I’m in with Bellamy, only he can’t stop his feelings for Clarke.”

 

Raven tries to stifle the selfish balloon of hope that inflates inside her at Echo’s reassurances about Emori, because this is the first time Echo has indicated she’s open to talking about Bellamy and Raven doesn’t want to fumble it. She considers the best way to keep Echo from closing down. “It feels like forever ago now, but when I ended things with Finn, I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. Part of that maybe was because I didn’t have anyone that I trusted, but also because that’s just who I was then. I thought you might appreciate me not bringing it up at first, and I’m sorry if that was the wrong call.”

 

“No, you weren’t wrong. I don’t even know how I feel about it all some days. I mean, it’s not like I was ever unaware of how he felt about Clarke - we all watched him grieve for her. I always liked Bellamy, but sometimes I wonder if we ever would have gotten together if not for the environment of space. The more time we spend apart, the harder it is for me to know if I just love him or if I was _in love_ with him. We were all lonely up there, it’s not tough to think that it’s what drew us together. Does that make any sense?”

 

“Oh, god! More sense than you know! I’ve asked myself that same question about Finn - I was in love with him at one point, but I’ve wondered that if he and his family hadn’t played such a big role in keeping me safe as a kid, if I would have been that interested in him as we got older. It’s all hindsight now, but we probably would have worked best if we just stayed friends. We fell apart so quickly, so could it really have been love? Not the kind of love I wanted, anyway.”

 

“Do you feel like your relationship with Finn was still worthwhile, would you do it over again?”

 

Raven considers her response. “I think I would have to say yes, because it did teach me some things, and I might not be the same person if I hadn’t gone through that relationship. I didn’t know it then, but now I know there’s someone better for me.”

 

“But how, how do you _know_ that?”

 

“I don’t know, I just do,” Raven shrugs. “Look, I’m probably not the best person to take relationship advice from. There’s a definite possibility I got together with Finn because I felt indebted to him and we were around each other all the time on The Ark. And I had a short fling with one of the engineers that I worked closely with on Earth, which only goes to show that maybe I have a pattern going. You already know Bellamy and I slept together once, and that was just a result of both of us being young and dumb. There’s nothing between us but friendship, and both of us like it that way. With Shaw, things barely got off the ground when I realized it wasn’t the right fit for me. Somebody who didn’t know better could point at Murphy and suggest that it’s the same with him, that it’s proximity there as well, but I know that it’s not. Everything with him is different, and I don’t know what’s going to happen or how he feels about it, but if I don’t at least try and find out, I’m going to regret it.”

 

Echo lifts her shoulder and bumps it deliberately into Raven. “Are you sure you don’t know anything about how he feels about it,” she teases. “I could hear you outside your tent when I came to get both of you.”

 

“Stop! We were only kissing,” Raven mumbles.

 

“So spill! For once I get to be the first person who knows some gossip, now give me details so I can feel superior to everyone else.”

 

“It was just a few kisses.There’s nothing to tell.”

 

“Okay, sure. Nothing to tell, which is why you’re blushing and won’t look me in the eye. Must’ve been pretty damn good then,” Echo concludes playfully.

 

“You do have really crappy timing,” Raven admits, and Echo just laughs.

 

***************

Murphy paces the confines of the exercise room, feeling marginally better after a workout with Echo and taking quite a few punches at one of the pieces of gym equipment, getting out some of the frustrations of the past few days. Echo had left him on his own, going outside to watch for Raven after she took longer than expected. He’d poked his head out a few minutes ago, just to make sure she had gotten there safely, but he’d caught Echo talking next to her, saying Bellamy’s name, and he’d turned around hastily, not wanting anything to do with a conversation about that relationship. He’d already done his share of communication with the rest of his friends, and Raven was better suited for break-up advice anyway.

 

Since he’s alone, he rubs his temples, the mid-level headache stronger than it was earlier. The fake version of him is supposed to be with Bellamy, and there’s been a consistent pull for information and memories since soon after he woke up. Kissing Raven had made him forget all about the pain, but it had returned quickly when Echo came to get them. Initially he’d been beyond irritated at her interruption, although now he thinks maybe it was for the best. It had been too easy to get carried away with Raven’s body tucked against his and her mouth soft and open and hot beneath him. He hadn’t wanted to stop, they might still have been wrapped around each other if not for Echo, and it occurs to him he’d better quit thinking about it all if he doesn’t want his thoughts to be obvious to anyone else.

 

He sits on the bench against the wall and leans back, shutting his eyes and stretching out his legs, and that’s where Raven finds him about fifteen minutes later. He hears her come in, knows it’s her by the differences in her walk versus Echo’s, just like he’d recognize the variations in any of them from the Ring. It was eerily quiet up there at times, so few of them around, and if he hadn’t known the sound of each of their steps before he’d taken over the other side of their claustrophobic home, he’d learned it soon after.

 

She sits down next to him, her leg brushing against his, and he’s sure it’s going to be awkward, has no idea what to say other than the urge to ask if he can kiss her again, which probably isn’t the best option, even for him. Somehow though, she manages to make it seem uncomplicated when she scoots closer and rests her head on his shoulder, so he gives in to impulse and lays his palm over her knee, wanting to touch her in return.

 

“I have clothes, some soap and a towel for you. Echo says she’ll hide outside to make sure no one comes around while we clean up. It’s early yet, so we’ll have time for a nap after. Jackson needs to take a look at your head at some point - I still think it needs stitches. I was too tired last night to keep waking you up in case of a concussion, but we got less than four hours of sleep anyway. Maybe we got lucky and you just don’t have one.”

 

“I don’t have a concussion, though I think you’re right about the stitches. Thanks for the clothes - were they where I said they’d be?”

 

“Yeah, nothing in your tent seemed messed up as far as I could tell,” Raven reassures him. “Come on, I think we’ll both feel better after we get all this dirt off us. If I get finished and you aren’t already done, fair warning that I’m going to march over to the men’s showers and make sure you aren’t passed out on the floor due to the concussion you don’t think you have.”

 

“Well, now I have to stay upright just to prove you wrong,” he baits her as he gets to his feet, just to see what she’ll say.

 

Raven looks over her shoulder at him as she gets a few steps ahead, and she doesn’t disappoint as she raises her eyebrow pointedly. “Exactly.”

 

***************

 

Murphy’s eyes open suddenly as he feels himself forcefully startle awake. He’s disoriented for a moment before remembering he’s in one of the Gagarin cabins, stretched out on the bed. He and Raven had showered, and he’d managed not to pass out just fine, so she hadn’t had to come over to the men’s area to find him. He’d ended up waiting for her, and she’d been right that he felt better after cleaning up and getting into fresh clothes. His scalp had stung when he’d washed out his hair, and so had his back with some of the scrapes, but those were the only two injuries still bothering him.

 

It had still been early when they finished, and neither one of them knew what was going to happen after the upcoming confrontation with the imposter, so when she’d led him to one of the nearby rooms, he’d been happy to pull her into his arms on the bed, her damp hair spreading over them both as she laid her head on his chest. She’d fallen asleep first, and he hadn’t been far behind, but now his arms are empty and she’s not in the room. He gets up, pulling on his boots and readjusting the knife in his ankle strap, and goes out into the main corridor where he finds Echo camped out at the side door, peering out the small window to watch for movement outside. He’s not deliberately quiet, so she turns to glance at him as he approaches.

 

“Where’s Raven?”

 

“She left, complaining that she was hungry, and that you’d be too. There’s still over an hour until lunch, so there shouldn’t be many people around.”

 

“Damn it, Echo! You shouldn’t have let her go! Or you should have gone with her!” Murphy’s incensed that neither of them seem to be taking this threat as seriously as they should. “That guy could’ve gotten tired of chopping wood by now, and he could run into her! You should have stopped her!”

 

“Oh really,” Echo demands in that acerbic tone he despises, “and when was the last time _you_ had any luck convincing her not to fucking do something she was set on doing?”

 

He glares at her and clenches his jaw. “Well obviously _never_ , Echo, but I’d have thought you’d be a bit more convincing, considering there _is_ a dangerous enemy in camp right now.”

 

“Believe me, I do get that,” Echo agrees. “And I tried to tell her not to go, but I have a feeling she was hoping to take advantage of the fact that it was just me she had to get past because you were still asleep. You only missed her by about fifteen minutes, by the way.”

 

“Fucking figures,” he mutters, “I don’t know how I didn’t wake up when she got out of the bed.”

 

Echo opens her mouth to release a pithy little comment about how he works _fast_ , because this is really hilarious, but then she thinks Raven would frown at her if she was there to hear it, and Murphy’s just upset because he’s worried. _And_ that she’s rather fond of him herself, so she bites it back and tries to pacify him instead. “She’s pretty resourceful, you know. There won’t be many people near the food area, but that doesn’t mean someone won’t hear it if she does run into any trouble. Even if fake-you finds her, she’ll say she’s been tired, hasn’t been around, and then she’ll make an excuse to get out of there. The only issue might be if he tries to follow her. I couldn’t go with her, because on the very off chance that he comes _here_ , I’ll have to be the one to stop him if he can incapacitate you with just the press of a button.” She gestures to the copper bracelet he’s still wearing to emphasize her point.

 

“I’m just trying to keep her safe,” Murphy grinds out defensively, and Echo wants to laugh at the job he’s got in front of him.

 

“You want to keep _her_ safe, and she wants to keep _you_ safe, and here we both are. Neither of us has any authority over her, you know that, right? She sees us as equals and has no reason to think our opinion should carry more weight than hers. Raven does listen when we really are right, but she’s not going to back out of something just because you or I think it’s dangerous. I mean, just look at the recent evidence of what she’s been up to. If anything, it’s only gonna give her more reason to trust that her own decisions are the right ones.”

 

The hard stare he sends her way is full of outrage. “Yeah, thanks a fucking lot for that, by the way.”

 

Echo flails her hands wide in a gesture of surrender. “True, I haven’t helped the cause lately, I know. But even you have to admit that what she was telling me was far-fetched, even if she was right about it. If she had -,”

 

Murphy interrupts her with a sudden loud groan, bending forward and clutching his head in pain. Echo runs to his side, unsure what the problem is until Murphy haltingly speaks.

 

“He found her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, I sure left chapter 10 on a cliffhanger huh?! I didn't expect it to take this long, but they finally kissed after close to 43k words! OMG! I don't think I can do that again - I got too impatient myself!  
> Now we're gonna get into some real good plot points with the inhabitants of this planet, so that should be fun! At least I hope so, you'll have to let me know. Just a reminder that one of the things I want to do with this story is FIX them all, which is why I have them talk to each other as much as I do. In this story, I needed Echo and Bellamy to be broken up in order to create chaos with the remainder of Spacekru. We'll see more Bellarke as we go forward, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna forget about Echo, because I like her too!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess I'm back in the groove on this one, because here's almost 7k! Enjoy!

 

 _It was all her stomach’s fault,_ Raven thinks as she walks purposefully towards what serves as their mess hall and kitchen. Her growling stomach had been what had awakened her from her nap with Murphy, and as much as she didn’t want to get up, she knew the rest of the afternoon could be a long one and he was probably going to be as hungry as she was. Carefully, she had extricated herself from his arms, a little self-conscious noticing the obvious wet spot of drool she’d left on his shirt. Apparently some habits were hard to break. She was only slightly surprised when he didn’t wake at her movements - Echo was right that he looked exhausted, even after he’d cleaned up in the shower, and while she knew he was going to be upset with her for leaving the Gagarin, it was for a good cause, she’d decided. He needed food just as much as he needed rest, and if she was going to have any kind of luck making sure he didn’t kill that imposter on sight, she wanted every advantage she could get.

 

 

Talking Echo into letting her leave hadn’t been tough, although Echo might disagree. She’d resisted, yes, but all Raven really had to do was mention how Murphy had been so tired that he hadn’t even noticed her leaving the room, that she was sure he was going to need stitches for his head injury, and that she was worried he could pass out if he had a concussion, and then Echo’s protests about Raven going off on her own had turned into admonishments to hurry up and be careful about it. Raven had hidden her grin - they might have all been detached and disjointed since they’d landed here, but none of them had stopped caring about each other in the turmoil.

 

 

As expected, there were only a few people wandering around as she got closer to the food storage. It would get busy soon, as individuals started prepping for lunch, but typically everyone had jobs to do and cooperation still ran pretty high as people were relieved to be alive and enjoyed seeing the positive changes their efforts brought to the camp.

 

 

Raven takes a few handfuls of berries, hurriedly stuffing it all into a small pouch inside her bag as she reaches for a plate that looks like it might hold leftovers from breakfast. There’s some kind of meat on it, and Murphy will like that, so she wraps the towel cover back over it and puts it carefully in the bottom of her bag so it won’t spill. There’s a pile of the plant roots that Jordan is especially fond of, and she prefers them to the meat, so she grabs a nearby knife and is in the process of chopping one up when she hears footsteps behind her on the packed reddish ground.

 

 

“Raven. I haven’t seen you around lately.”

 

 

Her fingers clench around the knife handle instinctively, but she works to keep her body from stiffening at the sound of Murphy’s voice coming from the imposter. _You can do this_ , she tells herself, _just get out of here quickly and don’t let him follow you_.

 

 

Spinning around with a pasted smile on her face, she calls on whatever acting skills she might possess. “Hey, Murphy. Yeah, I’ve been kind of run down, catching up on a lot of sleep. I missed breakfast, and I just couldn’t wait for lunch, so I’m here for a snack.” She gestures to the partially cut up root, not letting the knife out of her grasp.

 

 

His eyes don’t glance at the table, just stare back at her with that awful, dead appearance. She knows what’s going on now, knows that’s not _really_ Murphy in front of her, that her Murphy is safe back in the Gagarin, but it still makes her stomach churn to look at him. He doesn’t say anything, just continues to watch her, and although it’s unnerving, she tries to stay at ease and keep up conversation.

 

 

“What have you been up to while I've been being lazy?”

 

 

“Just stuff around camp,” he says, as he casually walks closer to lean on the table, effectively blocking her prime escape route.

 

 

Raven picks up a small piece of the root and pops it in her mouth, chewing slowly in hopes of formulating a plan of action. Her mouth is dry and she doesn’t taste a thing. “There’s a lot here to keep everyone busy.”

 

 

Not-Murphy only nods as he continues to stare fixedly at her. “I was hoping I could talk to you about the radio tower and the communications improvements you expect to get from it.”

 

 

“Sure,” she tells him, mentally cringing at how fake she sounds to her own ears. “Tomorrow would be a good time for me.”

 

 

“Actually, it would really help me out if you could do it today.” Not-Murphy straightens up abruptly, in a way that makes Raven feel intimidated, and then his hand reaches out and clamps bruisingly hard around her wrist. Having him look at her was awful enough, but his touch is worse. It feels _wrong_ , sets her heartbeat into a panic, and she’s just inching the knife up to threaten him, no longer caring if she gives herself away, when an idea occurs to her and she stretches her arm out like she’s going to put the knife back onto the table, deliberately knocking a bowl and all the sliced root onto the floor.

 

 

It catches him off-guard, as she’d wanted it to, and she uses his confusion to break the hold on her wrist, bending down and pretending she’s upset with herself over the broken bowl. She never lets go of the knife. “Damn it, look what I did! This is a mess, and these pieces are sharp. Get me that broom over there, will you, Murphy?”

 

 

She’s hoping her casual attitude will convince him that she’s not rattled over the way he’d grabbed her, that she’s playing it off well enough for Not-Murphy to think she’s clumsy and inept rather than scared. He watches her carefully but does go get the broom she pointed at, and as he brings it over, Not-Murphy suddenly turns his head to glare at someone else who’s entered the kitchen alcove.

 

 

“Hi, Raven, Murphy,” Octavia greets them nonchalantly, making Raven want to laugh both in relief and how utterly unconcerned her body language is.

 

 

“Octavia. What’s going on?” Not-Murphy manages to pull off an innocent look, and Raven thinks there might just be a chance for this all to be salvaged.

 

 

“I was actually looking for you,” Octavia states, sounding puzzled, “but what happened here?”

 

 

“Oh, I accidentally broke a bowl! So annoying… Murphy was just about to help me clean it up, but I can deal with it if you need him.”

 

 

“What did you want, Octavia?” Not-Murphy asks.

 

 

“Miller and Shaw are debating about that last hike you took to scout the radio tower location. Shaw thinks Miller didn’t calculate something correctly and they want you to say who’s right. Something about the elevation or the sightlines, I don’t know. I just said I’d go look for you to get away from them both.” Octavia shrugs like it’s no big deal to her what Murphy does, but the mention of the radio tower does catch his interest and Raven watches as Murphy turns his gaze more pointedly to Octavia before turning back to her once again.

 

 

“Raven, it would really help me out if we could discuss what I mentioned today.”

 

 

“Of course. I’ll rearrange a few things to make time for it. How about you come to my workshop area after you solve Miller’s problem - if I’m not there, I’ll be here for lunch and we can talk after.” Now that he’s not touching her and Octavia is present, it feels easier to lie and act naturally, and her tone once again sounds normal, like she’s trying to be of help.

 

 

He seems to buy it as he agrees to go off with Octavia, and Raven keeps the bright smile on her face until they’re both gone, slumping into the table at her back as soon as she’s sure no one can see her. Her hands shake as she picks up the broken pieces of the bowl and the food from the floor, but she cleans it all up and remembers to shove a few more random edibles into her bag before she leaves.

 

 

She’s almost at the edge of camp when Bellamy catches up to her at a slight jog. “Damn it, Raven. You weren’t supposed to leave the Gagarin until the meeting.”

 

 

“Don’t start. I already know it didn’t go according to plan and I don’t want a lecture. And anyway, I seem to recall he was supposed to be chopping wood with _you_ , right?”

 

 

Bellamy sighs, sounding put out. “Apparently even the fake version of Murphy doesn’t stay where you put him. We did chop wood for a while, but then he said something about refilling our water and there was no real way to stop him without making it suspicious. Clarke and Diyoza filled in some of the others earlier this morning while Echo talked to Emori and took you guys to the Gagarin, and I knew Octavia, Indra, Miller and a few other warriors had already put some weapons in the mess area and were taking security positions around the place prior to our meeting. It would have been fine, but I had no idea you were in camp. Octavia must have seen you and gone in - after the imposter didn’t return to the woodpile right away, I went after him and stood with Indra as we watched the three of you. After they left, I followed just close enough to make sure he was still with Octavia before I caught up with you.”

 

 

“Maybe you should prepare yourself for a lecture of your own. Murphy’s going to let us both have it, I bet, and Echo’s going to be grumpy if he’s already been yelling at her because I left.”

 

 

“Great. This is really gonna be great.”

 

 

Raven raises her eyebrows and gives Bellamy a scathing look. She’s in no mood for his complaints, and really, he's one to talk. “You know, this could have all been avoided if you had listened to me to begin with.”

 

 

At least he has the decency to look guilty, Raven acknowledges, but that doesn’t make her any less angry.

 

 

“I know. I should have listened to you, and Clarke feels that way too.” Bellamy looks apologetic, she’ll give him that, but still.

 

 

“I wasn’t making a lot of sense, Bellamy, I know that, but I think my track record speaks for itself. I thought one of us was in danger, and even if I _was_ crazy, you guys shouldn’t have brushed me off so easily.” Her feelings had been hurt by his and Clarke’s reaction, and it’s not that she wants to beat him up about it, but damn, she _deserves_ to be believed after all this time.

 

 

Bellamy stops her with a hand on her arm. “You’re right, Raven, totally right. I should have believed you right away. The only excuse I can make is that I just wanted everything to go properly for once, to be simple. It was easier to think that you were just feeling overly tired - I _wanted_ to believe that. Because the other choice was to believe that there was something bad on this planet, and I didn’t want that to be true. Clarke and I talked about it, after Echo filled us in on everything that’s been happening, and we both feel awful that we let you down. We let Murphy down too, especially me. I mean, I lived with the guy for six years, shared a tent with him, and had no idea that wasn’t him.” Bellamy shakes his head in frustration, and damn it if he doesn’t have her feeling a little sorry for _him_ now.

 

 

Raven sighs. That’s the thing about Bellamy. He really does have good intentions and it’s hard to stay mad at him. She turns and pulls him into a brief hug. “Don’t feel too bad about Murphy. That imposter is able to tap into Murphy’s memories, so it’s not like he was a complete stranger. He sounds the same, looks the same except for the eyes, and it’s not like Murphy’s a big talker around everyone anyway.” She steps back and gives him a faint grin to let him know she’s mostly forgiven him. “You can keep feeling bad about _me_ though. You owe me over this one. And you also need to be nicer to Charmaine, because she believed me _immediately_. Echo was harder to convince, but she didn’t question going so she could look out for me.”

 

 

“Diyoza isn’t the easiest pill to swallow, Raven, but I’ll try harder.”

 

 

He looks pained as he says it, because Bellamy definitely doesn’t understand why she’s friends with Charmaine. He hasn’t been able to get over some of the things that happened on Earth, and while Raven doesn’t really blame him, being stuck in the past isn’t what she wants for herself. And then there’s that soft spot for snarky assholes, she remembers, and speaking of which, the one waiting for her is definitely going to be pissed.

 

 

“Let’s go face the consequences,” she says resignedly, and a few minutes later they’re back in front of the Gagarin and Bellamy pulls on the side door. She has just a moment to wonder why Echo isn’t opening it herself, but then she’s in the corridor and can see what’s happening, instantly feeling furious for not realizing what Murphy had probably had to deal with while the fake version of him had cornered her in camp.

 

 

Murphy’s slumped against the wall, hands pushing on either side of his head to stave off whatever headache he can, and Echo’s crouched in front of him, trying in vain to keep a blood-stained rag pressed to his nose. At their entrance, Echo looks up worriedly. There’s pools and smudges of the dark black blood on the floor around them, but Raven pays no mind to it as she quickly drops down next to Murphy, taking the rag from Echo with one hand and immediately putting her other arm around his shoulder to start rubbing Murphy’s head soothingly. He sags against her and Raven murmurs to him softly, only half listening to the others.

 

 

“What happened?” Bellamy demands.

 

 

“We were talking, and all of a sudden he grabbed his head in pain, and said ‘he found her’, so I assumed he meant that the imposter had found Raven and was trying to pull information out of Murphy’s mind. The pain just seemed to get worse for him, and then blood started dripping out of his nose without any warning. I couldn’t get it to stop, and he couldn’t tell me what was happening! The blood finally slowed down a few minutes ago, but the headache still seems to be pretty bad.”

 

 

Echo stalks over to a cabinet set into the wall, clearly agitated as she yanks open the door and pulls out a few more rags. She holds a clean one out to Raven, gives one to Bellamy, and then Echo gets back onto her knees and starts to scrub violently at some of the blood on the floor.

 

 

Bellamy takes a deep breath and starts to do the same as he speaks. “He left the woodpile because he wanted more water, and I thought it would be too strange for me to try to stop him from going. Octavia, Indra and some of the others were watching while Raven was in the kitchen with him. Nobody knew Raven would be there, but she was supervised the entire time. Octavia ended up going in, and I guess she convinced the fake Murphy to go with her willingly.”

 

 

“She did,” Raven adds softly. “Octavia tempted him by saying something about the radio tower, and it piqued his interest. He said he wanted me to give him some feedback on the radios, and he pushed for it to happen today when I offered tomorrow. He’s curious about the tower for sure. I think I got out of the kitchen without him suspecting anything. Octavia’s timing was really good.”

 

 

“Speaking of timing, there’s not much left until lunch. The kids and some of the babysitters will start to flood in here as soon as they finish eating. Emori agreed to stay behind as a potential pilot for them while we hold the meeting. I filled her in this morning and she’s as freaked out as the rest of us.” Echo balls up the now-dirtied rag and tosses it next to the one Raven discarded on the floor.

 

 

The three of them observe with concern as Murphy sits up gingerly and takes the rag from Raven, wiping it roughly under his nose. He leaves a smear of black blood behind, and Raven doesn’t think she’s ever going to get used to the sight of it. It should be red, sometimes makes her feel like it’s not even real with that dark coloration, but that’s what they’ve got now and she particularly hates seeing it on Murphy.

 

 

“Give me that,” she mutters, grabbing the cloth again. She tilts his chin towards her and cleans the spot much more gently than he did until there’s no trace left of his nosebleed. The agony he must have been feeling is reflected in his blue eyes, and Raven can tell his head is hurting him badly. He lets her work her fingers back up to the place that seems to give him the most respite, continuing to massage away the ache. His eyes close briefly in relief before he turns to Bellamy and Echo, tilting his neck to give Raven more access.

 

 

“I’m getting him out of my head today no matter what.”

 

 

Echo immediately starts nodding in understanding at his uncompromising words, but Bellamy looks more wary. “Yeah, we’re gonna do that, but not in a hasty way, Murphy. We know that bracelet has something to do with this whole thing, but we don’t actually know how it works, and a sudden move on our part could end up making things worse.”

 

 

Raven can feel Murphy tense beneath her fingers and meets Bellamy’s eyes, letting him know they’re both on the same page on this. She’s worried that Murphy might act rashly out of a desire to punish whoever this guy is, but they can’t let anything prevent them from figuring out how to disconnect them safely. If she’s got to put herself in front of Murphy and refuse to budge, well then, so be it.

 

 

Before Murphy can start to argue, like she knows he wants to do, she cuts in. “All of this mind reading and memory pulling reminds me of ALIE. It’s just not as… sophisticated in the same way she was. ALIE was internal, and this is more of an external process. I mean, both are advanced in their own way, obviously, but there was a way to get rid of ALIE, and there’ll be a way to get rid of whatever this is, too. But we’re _not_ going to do anything reckless.” She glares at Murphy but he doesn’t flinch. “I figure we have maybe half an hour before we’re needed. Me and Murphy are gonna go eat this food I brought back - you two got to have breakfast, so we’re not sharing.” She stands up, grabbing her bag from where she dropped it on the floor, and Murphy follows behind her.

 

 

She leads him back to the small cabin they slept in earlier, and she unpacks the food on the table by the door. Murphy sits on the edge of the bed, head down as he rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his temples again. When she finishes, she steps between his legs and guides his cheek to her stomach, combing her fingers along his scalp again as she tries to knead the ache away. His arms wrap around her middle, pulling her closer, making her wish they didn’t have to do this until he felt more like himself. But she knows he won’t feel like himself at all until this is done, so in the meantime the best thing she can do is try to help.

 

 

“Does this make it any better?”

 

 

“It does.” He’s silent for a few moments and then he shares more. “He wants information about Octavia, Miller and Shaw. I don’t know as much about them so it’s a little easier, but I still have to fight to keep some of it. It’s nothing compared to everything he tried to pull out on you.”

 

 

She winces at his exasperated tone. So much for hoping he might let it go. “We can talk about that later.”

 

 

“We’re going to talk about a lot of things later.” A slight shiver of anticipation passes through her at his solemn promise. He looks up at her, pain still apparent in his blue eyes, but there’s something else there now too. She stares back, trying to will him to see how thankful she is that he’s here in front of her and not stuck in that cage or worse, gone from her completely. “Kissing you makes it much better,” he reveals.

 

 

Her heart throbs faster at his hushed words, and she slides her palms from his hair down to each of his shoulders, putting her weight on him as she lifts first one leg and then the other to place them along the outside of his thighs. Straddling him, she sinks down onto his lap and wraps her legs around his waist. His hands slip up her back, slowly pulling her towards him until she can’t get any closer.

 

 

“Then we should do that.”

 

 

His lips capture hers roughly, not slow and lingering like this morning. Their first kiss was an awakening, both of them discovering one another. It was perfect, soft and sweet and just the slightest bit tentative. This kiss is different, and it’s not sweet at all. Raven’s not nervous anymore, knows exactly what she wants to do to him and that they’ve only got a short while to do it in, so she’s not interested in taking her time. His tongue has already pushed past her lips as if he’s conscious of their deadline too, and she sighs hungrily as the heat between them intensifies. There’s too many clothes between them now, and she’s not content to fist her hands in his shirt when she knows the warmth of his bare skin under her fingers. Slipping her hands under his shirt, she explores everywhere she can reach, relishing how he groans into her mouth when her fingernails lightly scratch along his stomach. His own hands are keeping busy, eventually settling one on her lower back to press her against him and the other holds tight to the hair at the back of her neck to keep her still while he assaults her mouth and makes her burn for him.

 

 

She swears they’ve only just gotten started when there’s a series of firm knocks on the door followed by a loud voice ringing out in the corridor.

 

 

“Hey! Ten minutes til showtime, bitches!”

 

 

Raven bursts out laughing against Murphy’s lips, amused at Charmaine’s comment. When she leans back a little to catch her breath, he angles his head and kisses down the side of her neck, mumbling into her skin. “Your friend is the worst.”

 

 

“Yeah, she really is.” There’s an affectionate smile on her face though, and Murphy can probably hear it in her voice. She lets herself enjoy the feel of him for another minute, his lips brushing over the sensitive spot under her ear, before she regretfully tugs on his hair to stop his attentions. Kissing Murphy might’ve been exactly what she wanted to do, might’ve even helped his headache which pleases her, but it resulted in both of them being turned on and unable to take things to the needed conclusion. There was no hiding his arousal, and the dampness in her underwear was just going to have to wait. She exhales a deep breath and tries to focus. “At least she gave us enough notice so you can eat something. I’ll take the berries and nuts in my pocket and finish some on the walk there, but you can have the rest. I’m too anxious now to have much, so I’ll wait until it’s over.” She unwraps her legs and unhappily lifts herself off him to walk over to the table and gather up some food in her pouch.

 

 

Murphy stands and comes to her side, his hand catching her elbow as he turns her to face him. “I’ll try not to do anything too risky, I promise.”

 

 

Oh, it gets her every time when he takes things seriously and speaks so genuinely. It’s unfair how he can bring her almost to tears with a simple promise, but it means something that he was willing to make it, and she wants him to know she understands that. She curls her arms around his waist and lays her cheek against his chest in a brief hug, but then she shoves down the profound feelings he stirs up and pulls out of his arms.

 

 

“Good. Now you eat. If Charmaine’s here, it’s because she brought Heidi to stay in the ship during the meeting. I feel like I haven’t seen her in too long, and I don’t want her to forget me. I’m going to go give her a cuddle before we have to leave. Meet you by the side door, okay?”

 

 

He nods as she slides her pouch into the pocket of her jacket, and then she turns to open the door and step out into the hallway.

 

 

***************

 

Murphy scarfs down the food Raven brought him, hungrier than he thought he was once he got the first taste. The extra few minutes he spends in the room without her helps to calm down his desire, and his head is feeling considerably better than earlier. He doesn’t really want to test it out again, not the agonizing part anyway, but he wonders if kissing Raven just helps to shift his concentration away from the mental onslaught, giving him an escape from the pain, or if the massive amounts of endorphins that flood through him as soon as he gets his hands on her actually work to physically dull the suffering. _Doesn’t really matter,_ he determines, _just glad for it either way._

 

 

Knowing that Raven’s anxious about this meeting doesn’t sit well with him, though. He meant it when he promised not to do anything too risky, but he also knows her definition of dangerous is sometimes very different than his. It’s one of those ‘do as I say and not as I do’ scenarios, and they’re both guilty of them. She felt entirely justified leaving the Gagarin for food, even though he thought - rightfully, he planned to add - that she put herself in peril over it. But if the roles had been reversed, he’d have done the same thing, which made it somewhat tougher for him to chastise her over it.

 

 

He bends down to check the knife at his ankle and the smaller, concealed blade sewn into a hidden pocket in his waistband. Echo might piss him off from time to time, but she was responsible for his proficiency with sharp things after their years on the Ring, and one of the first things he did when they got to this new planet was to stitch a few scraps into his pants to ensure he always had something to rely on even if his main knife was taken. He’d been about to reach for it after beating up his imposter in that basement he’d been dragged to, and he would’ve succeeded if not for whatever that bracelet did that incapacitated him. He wasn’t planning on making the same mistake twice.

 

 

Opening the door, he finds that the hallway is busy with a few older survivors and some of the kids. He doesn’t see Raven anywhere, and he hopes that holding Heidi helps to soothe her nerves. She’d been so earnest when she expressed worry that the baby would forget her, and he’d been tempted to laugh at the very idea that anyone could forget _her_ . Probably he should have told her that, but there’s just so much he wants to say and he’s had barely any time to say it. Hell, he’s still trying to wrap his head around their kiss this morning and everything it means  - and what it might not. Maybe she was only thinking that she was relieved he wasn’t dead. Her response had felt enthusiastic, but what if it was just curiosity and Echo had interrupted them before Raven pulled away to admit she didn’t feel that way about him? Or what if she had only climbed onto his lap earlier because she had wanted to alleviate his headache since he’d literally told her that’s what would help him? Raven was a good person, a loyal friend, and it would be just like her to put aside her own emotions to help someone out, to help _him_ out. He knows she cares about him, but that definitely doesn’t even begin to describe how he feels about her.

 

 

Murphy shakes his head, wanting to get rid of his negative thoughts. He needs to concentrate on the meeting for one thing, but more than that, the idea that Raven might not return his feelings sours his stomach. When this is done, when they have a goddamned moment to breathe again, they _are_ going to talk even if he has to find a way to lock them up somewhere so they aren’t constantly interrupted.

 

 

He’s about to turn the last corner on the way to the door when he hears running footsteps behind him. It sounds like it could be Emori, and when he looks over his shoulder, he’s satisfied to see that he’s right.

 

 

“Hey! I was hoping I’d see you before you left!” She pulls him into a brief hug before stepping back and dragging him over to the side of the hallway, out of the way of anyone else walking by. “I’m still shocked by everything Echo filled me in on earlier! I can’t believe what happened to you, and I feel awful I didn’t know it wasn’t you when I hung out with you and Echo at the campfire that first night your fake version was here.”

 

 

“Yeah, this isn’t exactly the warm welcome we were all hoping for, huh? Listen though, I don’t want you to feel bad about it. There was no reason to suspect it wasn’t the real me. He fooled pretty much everybody, is still fooling everyone who hasn’t been told what’s actually going on.”

 

 

“Well thank god he didn’t fool Raven,” Emori said, sounding relieved. “I don’t even want to think how long this could’ve gone on if she hadn’t found you.”

 

 

“That makes two of us,” Murphy jokes, but Emori just rolls her eyes.

 

 

“I’m serious, John.”

 

 

“Alright, alright, I know. I am incredibly fucking grateful that she figured all this out and I will be sure to spell it out to her so she knows I’m suitably appreciative.”

 

 

Emori does not look impressed. “ _Or_ , you could just tell her how you feel about her! I really think Raven -”

 

 

“No, Emori, stop. We keep having this conversation and I _still_ don’t want to take relationship advice from my ex-girlfriend.”

 

 

“Well, you need to take advice from _someone_ , because your track record sucks.”

 

 

“You have got to be kidding me,” Murphy argued. “My only relationship was with _you_ , and our breakup on the Ring was mutual! And you even said that the only reason you considered getting back together after that was because you were feeling nostalgic, not because you honestly wanted _us_ . Ask yourself if you want me to start telling _you_ how you should handle this guy you’re involved with, and then you’ll know how I feel about it.”

 

 

Her eyes widen in horror at the suggestion and he pounces on her reaction. “See! You don’t want advice from me, and I don’t want advice from you either.”

 

 

Emori shrugs a shoulder. “Okay, the very idea of you giving me relationship advice does make me cringe, so I’ll stop bringing it up if that’s really what you want.”

 

 

“It is. I have to get going, but can you do me a favor?”

 

 

“What is it?”

 

 

“If shit gets bad and you get instructions to transport the kids up to the Eligius, can you make sure Heidi goes straight to Abby?”

 

 

“Don’t tell me Raven’s got you liking Diyoza now,” Emori says, shocked.

 

 

“No, she’s horrible, there’s no denying that… but she might be growing on me, just a little,” Murphy admits. “I don’t feel good about it though.”

 

 

Laughing, Emori pats his arm. “Don’t get yourself in trouble today and tell Raven I’m sorry I can’t be there with you guys.”

 

 

“Not planning on it,” he nods, and hurries to the door of the Gagarin.

 

 

***************

 

Almost everyone is seated or milling around the covered mess hall as they stride into camp, coming in from behind the food area and keeping Murphy along the edges of the tents and structures so he isn’t obvious. Echo splits away from them to approach from the front as she casually greets a few people and takes a seat in the second row, same as the imposter, just a few chairs away. Miller and Indra are seated close by, and a few of the particularly good fighters who survived from Wonkru are discreetly placed around the outskirts, all of them appearing to be in friendly conversation. There’s a table at the front, for those on the Council, and Madi is already seated there, with Clarke on her right and Gaia on her left. There’s a space open for Bellamy, and then Jordan is in a chair with Octavia next to him. Murphy’s sure it’s deliberate that Clarke and Octavia have the end spots, with both Madi and Jordan sandwiched between people who will fight to shield them from potential harm.

 

 

He and Bellamy had disagreed on the walk down to camp about where the rest of them should be positioned, and Murphy wasn’t happy about the results. Raven always sat in the front row during meetings, since she was often asked to stand up at the front and explain some technical issue they were having or answer questions from the gathered crowd, but he hadn’t wanted her near his double for this meeting, and they were all relatively confident that he’d choose to sit towards the front as well. Not that he’d really expected any different, but Raven had been insulted even though that wasn’t what he meant at all. He’d been grinding his teeth as Raven stopped walking so she could give him a piece of her mind, and over her shoulder, Diyoza had caught his attention and had the audacity to actually fucking _wink_ at him. She let Raven complain for a few more sentences and then had shut the whole thing down by volunteering to sit on the end of the front row with Raven next to her, and if he hadn’t felt it himself, he might not have believed how he immediately became less tense because of her offer. As far as he saw it, even though he _was_ softening towards her, there were still plenty of criticisms to be had with Dizyoza, and she wasn’t exactly someone he would call trustworthy… But he did trust her to protect Raven, and it wasn’t a trust with reservations either, it was absolute.

 

 

They had started to walk towards the camp again, and Murphy had nodded subtly at Diyoza, acknowledging what she was doing. Raven might have been most worried that Murphy would do something reckless during this confrontation, but the fear at the front of his own mind was that this imposter would get the jump on him and use that bracelet to once again render him immobile, and then he’d be forced to watch as he could do utterly nothing to stop whatever happened next. It’s not an image he wants to entertain as a possibility, but if it does happen, he doesn’t want Raven to have no one to watch her back.

 

 

He waits along the side of one of the tents, watching as Bellamy takes his seat at the Council table and Diyoza and Raven sit on the end of the front row. Echo’s got her hand resting close to her sword and her body angled towards fake-Murphy, and Murphy can tell she’s just itching to take him out. Miller is chatting with the imposter, and Shaw is looking on with interest, and a few moments later, Murphy is close enough to hear Gaia call the meeting to order after some stragglers take their seats.

 

 

It all goes down faster than he expected it to. Madi stands up and thanks everyone for coming, and advises them all that volunteers are in the Gagarin for anyone who might need childcare. It’s more a sneaky reminder that the kids are safe, and sets the suggestion in place that if things go wrong, people can run there for security. She says they have an agenda for the meeting, and at the end of the discussion period, like always, there will be time for questions from the crowd. At that, she gestures to Bellamy and says that he asked to make a quick announcement before they begin.

 

 

Bellamy stands, and Murphy’s impressed that he looks so relaxed. “Thank you all for allowing me a quick moment prior to getting started. As you know, we’ve been on the ground over six months now, and everything has been progressing well.” It’s effortless, but Murphy notices Bellamy’s signal of placing his hand on the table, so he slowly walks forward as Bellamy continues. “Considering what we all went through in the time before we landed, I know it will come as a disappointment when I share some troubling news. We have an intruder in camp.” As Bellamy says the last part of his speech, he puts his other palm onto the table, the final signal for everyone who knows the plan.

 

 

Echo leaps forward along with Miller and Indra, their jobs to tackle fake-Murphy and keep his hands separated to prevent him from using the bracelet. Octavia, Gaia, Clarke and Bellamy move to the front of the table, producing various weapons, and Diyoza skillfully flips over the bench she and Raven had been sitting on to act as cover if they need to duck behind it. There’s a lot of yelling and the sound of more chairs toppling as the crowd reacts, but it all happens quickly.

 

 

The imposter is sprawled on his stomach on the dirt floor, the arm without the bracelet twisted behind him and held in place by Miller and Indra, who have knees on his back and legs to keep him still. Echo’s got control of his other arm and the guy is glaring at her as she holds her sword to his wrist. Bellamy steps up onto the chair, loudly calling everyone to order.

 

 

“Everyone is safe! We have the intruder here and we are in the process of tying his hands. There were measures in place to protect everyone this entire time, but anyone who feels uncomfortable or unsafe can go to the Gagarin right now, and we’ll fill you in later. However, I ask that you stay for just a few minutes more so you can see this for yourself.” Bellamy gestures for Murphy to stand on the chair next to him. “This is the real Murphy, the one who has been helping to explore this planet, research the radio tower we want to build and search for more water sources. And _this_ is whoever has been pretending to be him for the last few days!”

 

 

Echo, Indra and Miller wrestle the man to his feet and pull him over to the front of the table, keeping his hands far apart. Octavia walks over and starts to place thick cuff restraints from the Eligius IV on his empty arm to keep it held behind his back, but everyone can see that he looks exactly like the real Murphy. Noise breaks out in the mess hall as everyone starts murmuring and talking worriedly to each other, and Bellamy holds up his hands again for quiet.

 

 

“We _will_ do our best to answer every question, but first we need to get this imposter back into whatever his own form is. If you are choosing to stay, we ask that you speak quietly and let us take care of this. Again, there are protections in place, but no one should let down their guard if they stay here.”

 

 

Octavia uses another restraint on his braceleted arm, effectively keeping one arm in front of his body and the other tightly behind. Murphy relaxes fractionally now that the stranger won’t be able to access the copper bracelet.

 

 

Echo keeps the sword along his wrist, just slightly indenting the skin, all while watching the imposter tauntingly as he glares hatefully at her. The people farther back can’t hear what she says, but her voice reaches Murphy’s ears just fine. “I’m just looking for an excuse to cut it off. I really hope you’ll give me one.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shameless author request, I admit, but if you are reading & enjoying and haven't already hit that kudos button, will you scroll back up a bit and do so? I would really love for this fic to hit 200 kudos as a personal goal and it's getting so close! Thanks, and stay tuned!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware the Ides of March everyone! You never know when the backstabbers will attack! LOL!  
> **********************************************************************************************

 

 _For once something goes well_ , Raven thinks, as she watches Bellamy push the correct buttons on the imposter’s bracelet and the air around him sort of _dissolves_ as Murphy’s image fades away and reveals someone else entirely. He looks like a normal human, with shaggy hair that’s halfway between blonde and brown hanging over his forehead. Murphy’s gotten some sun since they’ve been on this new planet, but the man’s skin is still more tan than Murphy’s, and his eyes aren’t a pretty shade of blue, either. His face shows signs of the beating Murphy gave him before the bracelet made him immobile - he’s got a black eye, a split lip, and a bruise along his jawline, although the injuries have started to heal and are somewhat hidden in his beard. If she had to guess, he’s a little older than they are, maybe in his early thirties. He’s not especially scary to look at and she would consider him handsome if she had no preconceived bias, but all Raven feels when she looks at him is revulsion.

 

It’s Bellamy who takes on most of the questioning, and Echo is unyielding alongside him, her sword just a fraction away from cutting off the offender’s hand the entire time. Raven appreciates her desire for blood, and as she carefully observes Murphy’s face and body language during the interrogation, she thinks he’s reassured by Echo’s utter lack of care at whether her weapon was digging a little too deep. After getting the man to change back into his own face, Bellamy demands to know how to take off Murphy’s bracelet too, and Raven sits in strained silence as Bellamy slowly but successfully removes it. The tenseness in Murphy’s body doesn’t fully fade away, but she knows him well enough to see that he’s relieved when Octavia places the bracelet in a box, shutting the lid and leaving it out of reach on the Council table.

 

The man’s initial disdainful expression fades as Bellamy continues to press harder for answers and the crowd gets a bit rowdier, some going so far as to shout their desire to see him dead. Eventually his shoulders slump and information starts to flow. He says his name is Ambrose, and that he and his people live on the other side of the mountains, and that they’d seen the Gagarin in the sky, leading them to send someone to keep an eye on the ‘outsiders’ as he refers to them. Raven had been right about the radio tower being a subject he was curious about, since their plans to build it seemed to be what led Ambrose to ambush Murphy in order to take his place and learn more. The communication distance that would improve with a successful radio tower would have revealed the existence of Ambrose’s people - as Raven and Shaw scanned radio frequencies and overheard conversations, no doubt it would have forced a likely confrontation between the two groups.

 

Things are falling into place and Raven’s almost feeling like luck is finally on their side until Ambrose mulishly insists that he didn’t mean any harm with his actions, and suddenly Murphy shoves Bellamy aside in agitation, fury clear on his face. Miller and Bellamy both quickly pull Murphy back, and while he doesn’t miraculously calm down, he doesn’t attack either, and Raven can appreciate how hard he’s working to keep his temper in check.

 

“You drugged me, dragged me through the woods, threw me into a cage and stole my face! And then you kept trying to forcibly take my memories in an incredibly painful way, but you didn’t mean any harm? Fuck you! If it was up to me, you’d be dead already!”

 

Bellamy throws a concerned look over his shoulder at her with Murphy’s outburst, but Raven can only shrug helplessly in response. Murphy’s entitled to his feelings and she doesn’t really blame him, and as much as she was concerned he might take things too far in wanting revenge, he’s keeping his promise to her so far. She looks up, scanning for the mood of the rest of the Council, and ends up meeting Madi’s eyes. A quick flash of understanding passes between them, and it’s Madi who decides to speak out.

 

“We’ve already been at this a while. We’re getting answers but still have a lot of questions and things to work out. Why don’t we continue this with just the Council present for now, and then we can ask everyone else to meet back here after dinner and the Council can fill them in on the interrogation results then?”

 

“The Council, yes, but with a security detail present too,” Clarke suggests, and Bellamy, Gaia and Octavia all nod in agreement.

 

Murphy doesn’t look happy, but he isn’t arguing, so Raven takes advantage of the multiple conversations cropping up around them to walk over and speak quietly in his ear. “Let’s get Jackson to take a look at your head before we come back to see what else they’ve learned.”

 

The crowd starts to disperse with surprisingly little disagreement after Madi makes the announcement. Raven attributes it to how open things have been since they’ve landed, with regular meetings with everyone in camp invited to ask questions and share in the discussion. It’s reassuring to know that even with a threat in their midst, there is at least some level of trust in place, although that may be due to everyone currently feeling like they have an enemy in common and wanting to gossip with each other over what this means for their security. If there ends up being contention about the upcoming plan, there’s every likelihood that it will be brought up in the next meeting at least, rather than in secret gatherings between dissatisfied survivors, and Raven’s grateful for that. She’d much rather deal with everything out in the open even if it means a long meeting. For her part, she’s actually glad for the respite they’re getting now - Ambrose sets her nerves on edge and she doesn’t want to be around him any longer than she has to be.

 

Charmaine catches her arm as she starts to weave through the crowd, leading Murphy over to where Jackson was sitting, and she stops to find out that Charmaine plans to hang out in the Gagarin with Heidi until it’s time to come back for the next update. Raven fills her in on their own plan before quickly moving towards Jackson, not wanting Murphy to get sidetracked. She reaches back to grab his hand so as not to lose him, and the physical touch provides her with an immediate sensation of comfort. When he grips her fingers tighter in reaction, she breathes her first effortless breath since the interrogation began.

 

***************

 

“I told you I didn’t have a concussion,” Murphy gloats, bumping his shoulder against hers as they take their seats at the tables that have been pushed back together at the camp dining pavilion. They’d been finishing up with Jackson’s careful stitches on Murphy’s head wound when Miller had come to find them, relaying the message that their presence was wanted by the Council.

 

“For once I’m happy to be wrong,” she retorts, glancing around at those seated and nodding at Echo, who has the seat across from her, and grinning in surprise as Charmaine sits down a few chairs away. Based on who’s around the table, Raven assumes they were requested to review whatever plan that’s been devised, and Bellamy proves her right as he starts to speak.

 

“Ambrose is under careful guard, the bracelets are both locked away, and the Council has the makings of a plan for what comes next. Although those of you here weren’t voted onto the Council, your input is important, and we want to flesh this out before we present it to everyone in camp. We also want you to shoot holes in it and come up with contingencies, because we don’t know much about who we’re gonna be dealing with.” Bellamy pauses to look around at those gathered. “Apparently the other group of people aren’t that far away from where we are, but Murphy and Miller haven’t found them on any scouting missions yet because one of the closer mountain ranges are between us and them. Ambrose says there’s a shortcut that’s been carved out, a hidden tunnel, and we’ve decided that a few of us are going to go their camp to check them out for ourselves."

 

There are no sounds of surprise at the table, and Bellamy gestures to Clarke to continue. “He's adamant that his people intended no harm and only wanted to learn about us. The cabin in the woods that Raven, Murphy and Echo found is where Ambrose says he can communicate with his people. The plan is to select who is going to the other camp, hike to the cabin and then wait for some of his group to meet us to take us through the tunnel in one of their vehicles. From what we heard from Ambrose, it sounds like they have ground transport capabilities but not air support, although we all understand we can’t trust his word at this point. He says they don’t make the trip often but typically someone drives overnight through the tunnel and they can get all the way to their settlement in about ten hours by this direct route, although it would take days if we had to hike it over the mountains. We want to agree to spend a set amount of time at their camp and then return here once we know if we can form some kind of treaty to live in peace, if not cooperatively.”

 

Madi and Clarke exchange a look, and Madi takes a deep breath before speaking. “It has been decided unanimously by the Council that my presence here in camp provides a sense of stability to those who are awake, so currently, Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia and Jordan have volunteered to go to this settlement. We all feel that we need a mix of people who are experienced in diplomacy, defense and also those who might accrue some new knowledge about how this other society exists here. We need to decide both who else will go and how many.” Madi gestures around the table to signify that discussion is open, and nods first in Indra’s direction.

 

“Before you consider how many people or who should go, you need to consider the extraction plan as well as what could happen here if this mission goes south. You say some kind of vehicle is going to take you through the mountains, but what if things go wrong? The tower isn’t built yet so we don’t have a way to communicate quickly, and if you have to make an escape, you might be able to steal transportation, but if that doesn’t work, you’ll have to hike over an unfamiliar mountain and it’ll take a long time to get any word back here. How will we know if we’re being double-crossed?”

 

“That’s definitely a concern,” Bellamy responds. “Ideas?”

 

“We can solve the communication problem somewhat, if we station a few people inside the cabin in the woods. By setting certain times a day for a check-in with those in the other settlement, we can monitor their safety and get any emergency messages through, and if something happens, someone can race back to camp.” Shaw suggests.

 

Echo nods. “It’s not going to be an immediate response time, since the cabin is a hike from here, but it’s certainly better than a trip over a mountain, and if someone was in a hurry, they could get the message pretty fast through the woods as long as they know the direct route back to camp.”

 

“Okay, what else?” Bellamy inquires.

 

“The communication helps give camp a solution if things go wrong, but Indra’s right about those on the mission running into trouble if they can’t steal a vehicle or don’t know the way back. What’s the status on the shuttle, Raven?” Charmaine asks the question and all attention swivels to Raven as she outlines the details.

 

“It’s not bad news for once. You all know that Charmaine and Shaw have explained that the shuttle sustained unrepaired damage on the Eligius IV mission prior to them returning to Earth, so the Gagarin has been used exclusively as the only transport to and from the E-IV. The shuttle is small, it can hold ten people max, with some room for gear. I’ve been trying to fix it since we got down here, since it would really help us find another water source and explore this planet, but as you guys also know, fuel is an issue.” One of the earliest decisions made once they landed on the new planet was to try and conserve as much fuel as possible, as there was a finite amount of the resource stored aboard the Eligius. “I didn’t mention it since there hasn’t been an emergency, but the shuttle _is_ repaired enough to fly - I just haven’t been able to complete the process of converting it to solar power. If we want to use it, we’ll have to use fuel to power it up.”

 

“It’s probably a good thing we’ve all been focusing on the radios and you haven’t adapted that yet,” Murphy explains. “They know about the Gagarin, but they don’t know we have a shuttle, and we should keep it that way in case there’s trouble.”

 

“That’s right, Murphy,” Clarke agrees, “we should continue to keep the shuttle a secret in case a rescue or even a defense of some kind is needed. And that also means we shouldn’t take more than eight or nine people to see the other society, since that’s how many can fit on the shuttle if an escape becomes necessary and a pilot has to come get us.”

 

Gaia nods. “We have four selected. Bellamy and Clarke will go as leadership and primary negotiators. Octavia will go as protection, and Jordan has asked to go in order to discover more about the natural resources here and ways to increase food production. The Council has discussed it and Raven, we’d like you to go so you can study their settlement and the technology they have. You’re one of the best equipped to translate whatever you learn there and bring it back here, or you might know if something can be used as a weapon against us. We also want to learn more about these bracelets and how Ambrose used it to impersonate Murphy so we can prevent something like that from happening again. Will you agree to go?”

 

“Of course.” The question is an easy one, of course Raven will go for the reasons the Council listed but also because she wants the answers herself. The slight urge she felt to turn towards Murphy and see what he thought before she decided both irritates and amuses her, but she doesn’t give in to it even when she feels his arm stiffen alongside hers at her response.

 

“Now there’s five.” Gaia looks around the table. “Who else will volunteer?”

 

Echo is the first to speak up. “I’m no good with diplomacy. My skills are needed here, to help protect Madi and the rest of camp. I’ll stay and make sure the communication devices at the cabin in the woods are constantly monitored while you are all gone. Emori is still at the Gagarin but she has given me permission to speak for her. I feel that she would also stay here, especially since you might need her piloting skills both for the Gagarin and the shuttle in an emergency.”

 

Indra nods. “I feel the same as Echo. I will stay with Madi and camp as well.”

 

Clarke smiles in relief. “Thank you both. I feel better about going with you two and Gaia still here. Anyone else?”

 

Echo subtly raises her eyebrow at Murphy from across the table, and he rolls his eyes at her before volunteering. “I don’t give a shit about diplomacy, but of course I’m going.” Echo knows he wouldn’t be anywhere else considering Raven, Jordan and Bellamy have all signed up for this clusterfuck.

 

“I want to go but won’t because of Heidi. I would like to discuss some potential questions for the leaders of this society with you before you go, however. My military background actually did teach me more than just creating chaos and torture techniques.” Diyoza grins cheekily at the exasperated look Raven shoots her.

 

“That could be helpful, thank you.” Bellamy manages a polite but strained smile at Charmaine and Raven smothers a laugh at the attempt. He was trying, she’d give him that.

 

“I’ll go, too,” Miller adds. “With Indra and Echo in charge of defenses here, they can spare me and I want to know who we’re up against.” He and Octavia communicate silently with a brief glance, although Raven thinks Octavia’s posture relaxes just a fraction at the prospect of Miller’s company.

 

Jackson nods thoughtfully. “I’m most needed here, since Abby’s still up with the others. If you run into any trouble and end up needing a rescue, if there’s space on the shuttle, I can fly with the pilot to come get you and perform any triage on the flight.”

 

“That means a group of eight and it leaves space for one more,” Shaw says. “And I’ll volunteer to take the spot.”

 

“Alright then, eight. Bellamy, Clarke, Jordan, Octavia, Raven, Murphy, Miller and Shaw will follow Ambrose to their settlement. The goal is to negotiate for cooperation or at least a truce, and communication check-in will be set at a minimum of twice each day. We have an emergency extraction plan with the shuttle if necessary, although that stays secret. Shall we say a week’s stay? Is that enough time to learn about these leaders before making a deal?” Gaia asks.

 

“We can extend it if necessary once we get there and assess the situation,” Clarke suggests.

 

“It’s no surprise I don’t trust this guy,” Murphy stares hard at Bellamy. “We have to think strategically here. If we’re sending eight there, we need to demand that they send eight here. And nobody old or sick that they don’t care about killing off, either. Younger, healthier people. If they hesitate over it, then we get to be even more suspicious.”

 

“Smart, I like it, and let’s take it further.” Diyoza warns. “Even with a tunnel shortcut to get there, travel time means they’ll have some time to set things in place. Assume they’re going to overhear everything while you’re there, including whatever communications you make back here. Speaking Trig would make them wary, so devise a few ordinary code words to indicate an emergency, both in your group and when radioing back to camp. Don’t let them completely separate you all once you get there - at least stick to pairs. Let’s set the rule that no one can come here wearing any jewelry or other metals, in case something else besides bracelets can be activated. And figure out your plan since they’re probably going to ban any weapons you might want to take. The more you think ahead about what can go wrong, the better off you’ll be.”

 

Everyone is considering Diyoza’s instructions when Jordan speaks up for the first time. “We can use the Algae Code to communicate when things are going well or not.”

 

“You know that?” Bellamy turns his head in surprise at Jordan’s proposition, and Echo and Raven both look pleased as well.

 

A smile on his face, Jordan nods. “Mom and Dad taught me. They would joke about how you all ranked the various attempts to make it taste better. And we all know which one was the worst.”

 

Raven, Bellamy, Echo and Murphy all chime in at the same time, “Batch fourteen!”

 

“Yeah, that was the worst.” Murphy shudders. “Saying that indicates an emergency to any of us on the Ring. We can use that number code to indicate whether things are clear or not, but if any of us on the radio slip “fourteen” into the conversation, everyone should plan to send the shuttle for a rescue and get into the Gagarin for protection.”

 

Madi pushes back from the table and stands. “Okay, the bulk of the plan is here. Thank you all for your input and for volunteering. Everyone who is going should prepare to hike out to the cabin in the woods immediately after dinner and stay until the transportation comes. Pack lightly. We’ll send guards who will accompany the eight members of the other society back here once they arrive, and we’ll staff the cabin with people who will monitor the communications while you’re away. I think we should offer families with the youngest children the option of staying in the Gagarin while we have strangers here, and Raven, I know you and Emori were working with a few people in camp who wanted to learn to fly. When you leave here, can you go ask them to join Emori at the Gagarin so she can set up a few cram sessions? I want more pilot options if we need them.”

 

Raven nods. “On it, and there’s one of them that’s been really picking it up fast. I think they could handle the shuttle if it came down to it.”

 

“Good. Does anyone have anything else?”

 

“Yeah. I want my shirt back from that asshole,” Murphy demands, “and I have no problem taking it from him myself. So if anyone disagrees with my methods, then maybe they should get it for me.”

 

“Come on and walk with me then while _I_ get your shirt back.” Bellamy stands and gestures for Murphy to join him as everyone else starts to move away from the gathering.

 

“I’ll take the pilot trainees to Emori and fill her in, then I’m going to my tent to pack. I’ll see you guys at dinner,” Raven tries to get a handle on Murphy’s mood since he seems distant, but he’s focused on Bellamy and only gives her a distracted nod in response. Before she walks away, she’s quickly stopped by Charmaine, who places a hand on her arm to delay her.

 

“I’ll join you and get Heidi from the Gagarin. Bellamy, if you and Clarke meet me here about twenty minutes before dinner, I can go over some of the negotiation suggestions with you two.”

 

Bellamy agrees and the four head off in different directions.

 

***************

 

Echo hustles to catch up with Octavia, who immediately headed out towards her tent as soon as the meeting concluded. “Hey, I wanted to run a few things by you before you leave.”

 

The two of them have kept apart since they’ve been on this planet, and there’s a fragile truce between them that Echo doesn’t want to damage. Still, she can’t control Octavia’s response, and what she has to say is important.

 

“What is it?” Octavia folds her arms across her chest in an impatient manner, and Echo sighs softly.

 

“Look, obviously you’re the best fighter in the group that’s going. They probably won’t let you take your sword into their settlement, but it’s not like you need that to be deadly. You know what Bellamy is capable of, and I thought you might appreciate some feedback on the others.”

 

Octavia relents slightly, relaxing her stance. “That’s fair. What can you tell me?”

 

“Murphy and Raven both trained with me on the Ring, but not in the same capacity as Bellamy. Neither one of them are skilled with swords, but if you can get a knife into their hands, it’ll be a different story. Raven is faster than she looks and can catch an opponent by surprise since she seems like an easy target. She has a surprisingly high pain tolerance and will keep going even after a hard hit. Murphy is completely unpredictable both with a weapon or without. He won’t fight fair and will do whatever it takes to win.” Echo notes that she has Octavia’s attention now. “They work very well as a team, but you can guess that they’ll both be looking out for each other _and_ for Jordan on this mission. They know Bellamy can hold his own in a fight but that doesn’t mean they won’t jump in. For whatever it’s worth to you, my advice is to make sure they don’t have to worry about Jordan, and you’ll be able to count on them fully.”

 

“Do you know anything about Shaw?”

 

“Not as much, but I have seen him fight hand to hand, and he’s what I would expect from someone who’s had training. He disarmed a couple of McCreary’s men back on Earth pretty efficiently.”

 

“Good. I won’t be looking for a fight, but if one comes to us, I won’t back away from it.” Octavia stares thoughtfully at her, and Echo returns it unflinchingly. “It’s no secret that you and I aren’t friends, and things aren’t right between me, Bellamy or Clarke. But that doesn’t mean I wish any of you harm, either. Maybe my words will mean something, maybe they won’t, but I’ll be watching out for Jordan while we’re gone. And we all know this whole damn camp needs Raven and that brain of hers, and obviously it’s in everyone’s best interest that she gets back safely. We get along, not to mention Niylah and Diyoza would be pissed if I didn’t keep an eye on her. And maybe it’s because I didn’t have to live with him for six years, but I kind of like Murphy’s bullshit comments. So I guess I’m telling you that all personal feelings aside, I’ll have their backs, and I know Miller will too. Shaw might be a bit of a wild card, but he seems like a team player.”

 

Taken aback by Octavia’s honesty, Echo is pleased that she keeps her face neutral at the unforeseen sincerity. Maybe all the practice lately has been helping, after all. “I am glad to hear that, not that I really expected anything different. Diyoza is not someone that any of us want to make an enemy of, so even though you may already know it, I should warn you that Raven will likely disregard any plan if she has a better idea, and Murphy and Jordan will probably both fully go along with it if they can’t convince her otherwise. Try not to let the three of them have too much time alone to plot if you don’t want to deal with the fallout of it.”

 

“Well, they’re all adults. How much trouble can they be?”

 

Echo’s hysterical laughter follows her all the way back to her tent.

 

***************

 

After Bellamy had gotten his shirt from Ambrose, Murphy had gone to his tent and thrown a few things into his pack before heading back to the tables at the dining area. He and Miller had been meaning to make a few smaller copies of some of the maps they’d made, and now they were going to be needed. He marked out the distance from the wooded cabin to their camp and drew in a few landmarks, planning to give one copy to Echo to review with whoever was going to be helping with communications. Planning to make a copy for himself so he could add the trail to the hidden tunnel, he easily got caught up in his work and the concerns about this trip with both Raven and Jordan going started to fade out of his mind. He hadn’t been there long before people began setting up and preparing for dinner, but no one interrupted him until Octavia slid into the seat across from him.

 

“Echo tells me you can hold your own with a knife. You got one small enough to hide?”

 

Murphy raises his eyebrow. “Of course I do, but I’m not telling you where I keep it.”

 

Octavia scowls. “You can fold it and stick it up your ass for all I care, I just want to know if you’re prepared.”

 

“Nah, that’s not my kind of foreplay. Sounds more like the kind of fun and games I heard people got up to in the bunker though.” He grins mischievously. “Points to you guys for _that_.”

 

Refusing to let him get to her, Octavia tries to keep her patience. “I don’t know how no one killed you in six years. Echo had a point. Anyway, what about Raven or Jordan? If they don’t already have a knife, I have a spare or two.”

 

“What a surprise. I’ll let them know. While we seem to be having a friendly discussion, are we gonna have any problems between you and Bellamy or you and Clarke during this trip?”

 

“Not on my end. I can’t speak for them.”

 

“Good. I want to get in and get out with as little trouble as possible. I know you’re the best fighter in the group, and I won’t have any trouble taking direction from you when shit hits the fan, because we both know it will. But I’m going along for Raven and Jordan, and Bellamy knows it. Everything after that is far down on my priority list.”

 

“I can see why you and Miller get along. He appreciates straightforwardness too. Believe it or not, I want us all to come back in one piece, and I’ll do my best to make sure that happens.” Octavia starts to push back from the table when a hand rests on her shoulder to halt her motion.

 

“Lucky me. Just the two I was hoping to bump into.” Diyoza slips into the seat next to Octavia, Heidi balanced on her lap. “I’ll be brief so you can get back to whatever it is you’re doing. I get that there’s still plenty of leftover fucked up feelings lingering between most of us down here, and I’m not expecting either one of you to trust me except in one thing. And that one thing is that I genuinely don’t want anything to happen to Raven or Jordan, and that I don’t want any of this to spill over and endanger Heidi and the life we could make here.” Diyoza looks up as Murphy and Octavia both nod, acknowledging the truth of her words. “I just finished with Bellamy and Clarke, and I’m not going to deny that they mean well and I do hope they can pull this off. But they _want_ this to work, and that means they’re going in with that attitude...Maybe diplomacy is what’s needed on this planet, but maybe it’s not, and some of us have to plan for the worst. Please, take me seriously when I say that if you two get there and your instincts tell you something’s wrong, trust your fucking gut and either get the fuck out of there or burn it all to the damned ground, okay?” Diyoza’s voice doesn’t waver as she makes her point, and Murphy knows what she means regarding Bellamy and Clarke's desire for this to work.

 

“I hear what you’re saying, and I’m not gonna let ‘being the good guys’ turn us into naive idiots who walk into a trap we can’t get out of. We have no idea how many of them there are, no idea how advanced and what other kinds of weapons they have. While we’re there, I’m getting some answers to these kinds of questions so we can figure out what to do next. I’ll support efforts towards negotiations as long as it makes sense to do so. But once it doesn’t…” Murphy trails off, shaking his head.

 

Octavia lightly skims her finger across Heidi’s chubby arm as part of the blanket she’s draped in unwraps with her kicking. “Despite what you may have heard, I was never interested in being in charge. I’m not now, either. I’m willing to listen to them, but I agree with you both - if things feel wrong, that’s what I trust. They may have the ability to impersonate us, but we are not without options, no matter how many people they have living there.” Rising to her feet, Octavia looks between them as she starts to walk away. “None of us are going to forget the lessons of the past, least of all me.”

 

Murphy watches her stalk over to a table where Niylah and a few others have arrived, his head tilted in curiosity. “D’you think she meant that to sound hopeful or ominous? I’m leaning more towards the ominous, myself.” He waits a beat for a response but Diyoza just leans back with a vaguely bored look on her face, serenely judging him, and she only speaks once the uncomfortable silence gets to be overwhelming and he’s a second away from making his escape.

 

“It would be rude of me to see you off to your potential death without mentioning that I appreciate the drawing of Heidi you initiated.”

 

 _Should have made that escape,_ he thinks, as an immediate awkwardness washes over him at Diyoza’s thanks. With everything that had happened, he had forgotten all about the pictures he’d asked Clarke for. At the time, he’d felt like he owed Diyoza for being a friend to Raven while he was gone from camp and the rest of their group had been so self-absorbed, but he didn’t know if he could put that into words to her, or whether he even wanted to. What Diyoza said, about her own desire to not see Raven or Jordan harmed, he believed that completely even though it felt strange to trust someone outside of the relationships he’d forged on the Ring, and especially someone who had actually betrayed them all not so long ago in his own memories. But, odd or not, here they were, and the trust was real, at least for this particular scenario.

 

“Uh, okay. Great.” It’s not his best effort, but he’s flustered, damn it, and the way Diyoza manages to stare at him like she can read his mind is really fucking getting to him when his brain is already scattered trying to compartmentalize everything the last few days have brought about. He’s worried about Jordan and Raven going on this mission, trying to figure out whatever’s happening between him and Raven, and he’s working to suppress the violent urge he has to just get it all over with and kill this Ambrose guy for not only what he did to _him_ , but what he could have done to everyone else and maybe even could _still_ do if they aren’t all incredibly careful. It’s been a bit much, and Diyoza isn’t helping with her all-knowing gaze.

 

She gets up and walks around the table towards him, Heidi tucked comfortably in the crook of her arm. Murphy watches her guardedly.

 

“Trust your instincts and Raven’s brain.” Diyoza unceremoniously plops Heidi into his lap, forcing him to grab her. “The rest of them will be here soon. Now be a good _Uncle Murphy_ and watch her while I go get some food.”

 

There’s really no use protesting at this point, he decides. Not when the weight of the baby feels pleasantly familiar to him. And not when Diyoza’s moniker may sound smug and snarky but the evidence of Heidi being left in his care is a huge indication that the trust between them goes both ways. Besides, he can see Raven, Emori and Jordan walking towards him through camp, and the headache from earlier finally starts to fade away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters just keep going long, what can I say. This one is close to 6k because I had a lot to set up. I missed having more Murphy & Raven interactions this chapter, but a lot of things needed to happen to whittle down to a smaller group of characters and get them on the way to Ambrose's settlement. More Murven is coming, and so is more Bellarke. I did enjoy the short scene of Octavia & Murphy though - we've hardly seen them together in the show and I think they'd play well off each other. I hope I do them justice. 
> 
> By the way, we've had a few actors confirmed for S6, and while I am in no way affiliated with the show, I am speculating here and I am going to use the information we DO have if it fits the story I'm telling. So I'm imagining Greyston Holt in the role of Ambrose in case anyone might appreciate that info. 
> 
> So much appreciation to every reader who has clicked that kudos button and pushed me to that 200 mark I was aiming for! I know it's not a huge number compared to a lot of the big fics out there, but this is the first of my stories to make it there and it's really been a thrill to accomplish it. Thank you all so much for reading and I hope I can continue to keep you interested!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we got a poster for S6 guys! What an amazing way to promote the show that's only a month away, right? Can you tell I'm slightly bitter we're still without a trailer? And don't get me started on spoiling 6x01 to con attendees a month before it actually airs unless you really want me to get on my soapbox. 
> 
> Anyway, despite all that, here's a new chapter I hope you'll enjoy, and for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure the poster fits with at least one of my speculations for this season, and it makes me all the more determined to get this story done before the show starts so I either look like a genius for getting some things right (ha ha), or at least I go off-track prior to canon making me look like an idiot.  
> ******************************************************************************************************

 

Murphy stares at the ground ahead of him as he makes up the tail end of the group winding their way through the woods. The hike to the hidden cabin feels short this time, like there’s not enough distance to cover in order to sort out all his options and settle on the contingency plans he needs to focus on. Something in the way he carried himself must have given off the impression he didn’t want company, and he was glad for it since it kept everyone away. He kept Jordan and Raven in his sights ahead of him, and they’d both flitted between various people, chatting away about what this trip might hold. Raven had looked back over her shoulder a few times but had left him to his thoughts, though he’d caught the flicker of concern in her gaze.

 

When they reached the cabin, Ambrose showed them how to properly open the hidden door, and most of the group had followed him inside to learn how to operate the communications system and investigate what the cabin held. Murphy had no interest in going back into that basement, indicating to Bellamy and Echo that he’d stay outside on guard as the rest filed through the opening in the reflective building.

 

Miller sidled up alongside him, his eyes watchful along the treeline. “Haven’t had a chance to tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t know it wasn’t really you that hiked back to camp with me.”

 

“Not your fault. Just about everybody was fooled, and you had no reason to suspect. I did want to ask you - when we were out here, before we split up and I went to grab those berries, did you feel like we were being watched, or that something was off?”

 

Shrugging, Miller pauses his pacing to consider the question. “I thought about it a lot after Octavia and Indra filled me in, wondering if there was a hint I shoulda picked up on. It’s hard to remember now, knowing there was something wrong, but I don’t think I noticed anything strange at the time. Did you?”

 

“A few times I felt like someone was watching, yeah. That’s on me that I didn’t speak up about it. Thought maybe I was overreacting and it was a wild animal or something. Won’t make that mistake again though.” His thumb hooks into the waistband of his pants, thinking of the knife he has hidden there, and the way Miller smirks and glances down, shifting his weight onto his right foot to bring attention to it tells him that there’s another person in the group with at least one secreted weapon.

 

“Been thinking a lot about my dad since we’ve been down here. What he’d think of it, how he’d wrap his mind around all the shit that went down.” Miller looked up at the sky. “He’d always say ‘Nate, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is’, and I used to think that was just him saying I was being too reckless. Now though, I’m thinking it’s good advice.”

 

“Smart man, your dad. And the only decent guard I ever met,” Murphy nods as he remembers David Miller. “Gonna have to keep our eyes wide open on this one.”

 

“Planning to. I’ll take a turn on the perimeter while you stick closer. If that imposter’s right, they’ll come from that direction,” he gestures to his left. “Figure we can expect them before dawn if they leave right away like we’re telling them to. Got some time to kill til then.” Miller walks off towards the trees, leaving Murphy thinking about how good they’ve all gotten at killing time.

 

Hours later, most of the group is sitting outside around a campfire with the woods dark around them. Miller cobbled together a guard schedule for the night and Shaw is taking a turn prowling through the woods checking for anything out of the ordinary. Echo’s still inside with Clarke, Raven and Bellamy, and Ambrose is under strict watch in one of the bedrooms. Jordan’s been filling Murphy in on the communications setup and how Echo plans to keep a constant monitoring rotation in place once they’re all gone. He’s only just sent Jordan off to find Octavia and discreetly get a knife tucked into his boot when Raven comes out of the mirrored cabin, pausing to glance around until her eyes land on him. She looks tired, he notes, but determined, and he figures he’s about to be quizzed on his withdrawn attitude as she walks towards him.

 

Placing her hand on his shoulder for balance, she sits down on the ground and surprises him by keeping quiet. They stare into the fire and he’s reminded of that first night back at camp not very long ago, when he’d been all alone until she’d wandered out with Heidi in her arms to join him. He’s starting to feel a prickle of guilt as the silence between them grows, aware that she wants him to open up but unsure how to do it or whether he even wants to. It’s not just that they’ll soon literally be in enemy territory, although that’s definitely the biggest factor at the moment. He needs to concentrate, needs to focus, and his anxiety that Raven and Jordan so casually agreed to walk into a potential trap is at least partially unreasonable, he knows that. Of course they were going to agree, it’s who they are and it’s not like he was saying no himself. He’d feel so much better if he had the slightest reassurance that they’d think twice before doing something dangerous, but he’s painfully aware that’s not the case. Yelling at her and hurling the worried accusations weighing on his mind might make him feel better in the moment, but things never go well when he lets his anger take control. It’s not really what he wants to do, anyway. What he wants - the reassurance that the people he cares about are safe - has always been a mirage and things aren’t about to change now. Maybe he’s just out of practice with the feeling of unease, after the relative peace of the Ring, cryo and the slight reprieve they’ve had on this planet so far. He sighs, raking an agitated hand through his hair and turns to look at Raven.

 

“Octavia said she has a few extra knives if you don’t already have something hidden. I sent Jordan over to get one. Are you carrying anything?”

 

“After getting caught on the E-IV and everything we went through, I’d be a fool not to, wouldn’t I?” Raven’s eyes carefully pass over the gathered people at the campfire, making sure no one is paying attention as her fingers trace over her metal brace with her words. “I’ve got two wires threaded into my brace, here, and there’s a small double-headed screwdriver hidden in this metal tube that could act as a weapon.” Her finger runs down the side of the brace, showing him the spot. “There’s a thin, flat blade hidden along the back support. It would take careful examination to find any of them, but there’s also a razorblade and a piece of wire under the inside sole of my left shoe. I gave Charmaine back her knife though, since they’ll probably take any we’ve brought. The one on my thigh is one I don’t care about losing.”

 

He smiles appreciatively at her preparations. “Good. Octavia’s covered and so is Miller. I’d bet Bell, Clarke and Shaw are too.” He taps a furtive finger along his waistband. “Behind my belt, right here, there’s a horizontal pocket on the inside of my pants that conceals a knife. If anyone pats me down, I’m hoping the belt distracts them from it. I’m keeping the knife in my ankle strap as one they might ‘find’ on me if they do check, and I’ll give up the one in the holder, here. But there’s also something sharp in the lining of both of my boots that’ll be tough to find. If something happens to me, take whatever you have time to grab.”

 

Her eyes widen and her voice carries an underlying edge of forcefulness when she replies. “ _Nothing_ is going to happen to you. Why would you even say that?”

 

“Raven, be realistic." Internally, he winces at his harsh tone, but he can't seem to help himself from continuing. "We’re about to go into a situation we know almost nothing about, and what we do know tells me it’s going to be dangerous. If we’re not prepared for things to blow up in our faces, then we’re already losing. Have you even thought about what could go wrong here?” 

 

She struggles to her knees in the process of getting to her feet. “I know what you’re doing, Murphy. Could be your head is still hurting, or it’s just that you’re worried about what’s coming, maybe you’re still mad I went into camp without telling you this morning. Probably it’s all of it.” Her eyes bore into his as she looks down at him. “You want to pick a fight with me because you want an outlet for all that lingering frustration inside you. Believe me, I get it. But I’m not gonna go into this with us arguing, and you don’t really want that either. Echo’s taking a bedroom inside since she’ll be here at the cabin the whole time we’re gone, so I’m going to crash there until Ambrose’s group arrives. Get some rest.” Before she turns to leave, her palm lightly settles on the side of his head, fingers softly rubbing as if to take the sting out of her words.

 

It’s tempting, the urge to close his eyes and lean in to her touch, but he doesn’t indulge himself. Her lips quirk up on one side, amused, as she pulls away and turns back to the cabin. She was right about his intent to pick a fight, and maybe the childish impulse should shame him but he’s too agitated to be embarrassed by it. It’s so easy to feel overly full of emotions around Raven; their complex history and years of friendship tangled together alone was often enough to overload his system to the point where he couldn’t think straight. But adding being in love with her to the mix just pushed him all the closer to that feeling of constantly bubbling over. It was a big part of why he’d left camp so often once they’d landed, her presence flustering him at every turn. Throw in threats to their existence, the need to keep her and Jordan safe and the desire to be alone with her and act out every fantasy he’s ever had, and it was a wonder he could manage credible sentences.

 

He stares into the fire, the flames blurring together as he tries to blank his mind and will himself to sleep without success. Eventually, movement at the edge of his vision catches his eye, and when he sees Echo exit the building, he knows what will help. It shouldn’t be difficult to convince her to go into the woods with him and spar, and if he’s lucky, maybe it’ll exhaust him enough his brain will shut down.

 

***************

 

Clarke looks around the dimly lit space in the back of the truck they’re all riding in, a quiet sigh escaping from her lips. It reminds her of the Rover, but it’s bigger and longer with heavy fabric as a cover along the tops and sides rather than a hard body, and even with ten of them inside it, they aren’t crammed together that closely. She can stretch her legs out a bit into the aisle and does so, the action drawing Bellamy’s eyes to hers from his position in the front passenger seat. Clarke lets a small smile lift her lips to reassure him, but she knows they’re both conscious of the strained atmosphere surrounding them.

 

Hours ago, she had joined Bellamy, Echo, Raven, and Jordan as they had all watched Ambrose warily contact his people on the other side of the mountain, and they’d spelled out their terms. It had been tense, but everything had been agreed to and there had been nothing to do but wait while they learned the radio system and kept a careful watch for the vehicle that would transport them. It had arrived before dawn, and everyone had come to attention as they saw the other people from Ambrose’s group climb down from the back of the truck. They looked normal, although their clothes had a subtle shimmer effect to them even in the pale moonlight. Some of them looked frightened, but they were all on the younger side as requested, although there were no children among them.

 

Echo had agreed that they would house the eight Others in the cabin until morning, then have them escorted back to camp. They had brought enough of their own to both staff the cabin’s radio system and guard their new guests, but Clarke was still nervous about them going to the camp, to Madi, without her own presence. It wasn’t so much that she thought Madi couldn’t handle things as it was just the inclination to parent, to be there in case things went sour. But she had to balance that feeling with the additional need to find out who they were dealing with for herself, to know the threat and trust her own gut response. It’s why she had agreed so quickly for this mission, to go despite having never left Madi’s side since they’d landed on this planet. She was curious, yes, but more than that, these Others were the hurdle they had to get past if they wanted to stay here and make a peaceful, sustainable life for themselves, and Clarke had to see for herself.

 

It hadn’t taken long for a few introductions to occur, for the Others to be checked for metals and jewelry, and Ambrose and the driver, who he’d called Novak, had produced a thick bag that they’d held open for all of her own group’s weapons. Every single one of them had had weapons out in the open, strapped to their bodies in various places, with Octavia’s sword being the largest. The bag had gotten rather full and Ambrose had stepped forward to make an attempt to pat them down in order to check for more, but Murphy had ended that before it got started, snarling that Ambrose wouldn’t be touching any of them and if it had to happen, the other guy could do it. There’d been a taut standoff for a few moments, and Clarke had glanced at Bellamy, thinking they would have to intervene since Murphy looked ready to tear Ambrose’s head off, but Ambrose had stepped back, giving a curt nod, and Novak had nervously frisked them. Shaw, Octavia and Murphy had relinquished an additional knife each after Novak discovered them, but as far as Clarke was concerned, she’d bet they’d been deliberately planted as distractions from other weapons. None of them were going into this naively.

 

They’d loaded into the truck then, Bellamy taking the passenger seat next to Ambrose, who had offered to drive, and Shaw and Octavia volunteered to sit on the open ends to keep watch. Jordan sat behind Bellamy, facing into the center aisle, and Raven had climbed in next to him, followed by Murphy and then Shaw on that side. Clarke took the first seat behind Ambrose and Novak moved to accompany her, but Miller had stopped him and went next, forcing Novak to sit between him and Octavia.

 

Now, they’re about an hour into the tunnel and the air has gotten much chillier. There’s not been much talking, everyone aware that they might not be in friendly company, and a few of them have their heads tilted back onto the cloth cover behind them, but Clarke doesn’t think anyone is actually sleeping other than Jordan, who’s slumped against the back of Bellamy’s chair and faintly snoring. As she watches, Raven shifts subtly closer to Murphy on the bench, twisting her body towards him just enough to lean her head along his shoulder. Neither of them open their eyes and Clarke doesn’t know quite what to make of it when Murphy blindly lifts his arm around her shoulders so Raven can tuck herself closer and be more comfortable. She hasn’t seen them interact like this before, to touch each other in public in a way that suggests something more than friendship, and she wonders if she’s reading more into it or if Raven’s just cold like she is. Murphy and Raven have always shot off sparks around each other, trading insults and barbs, but it was clear to Clarke after they woke up from cryo that their interactions had been tempered with obvious affection after their years together on the Ring. It wouldn’t be a shock to her if their relationship turned into something deeper. Seeing their familiarity together makes her think of Bellamy, and her eyes leave the complicated couple across from her to focus on him.

 

He’s facing forward, looking out the windshield although there’s only the darkness of the tunnel to see. He’s different, since they woke up in space, but then so is she. They’ve spent a lot of time together on this planet, mostly as leaders trying to pull everyone in the same direction, or on the Council and because of Madi. But there’s been reminiscing too, about who they were once and who they’ve lost, and Clarke can admit to herself that she’s had plenty of thoughts of who they might still be to each other. There had been Echo, though, and that hadn’t been something she wanted to involve herself in. When she’d learned that they had broken up, she’d tried to temper her reaction, to stifle the bubble of hope inside her, but it had been nearly impossible, especially when she’d get butterflies each time they’d interact.

 

Bellamy had been somewhat distant though, and she could tell that he was in his head a lot. She hadn’t pushed, and they’d gotten into the habit of eating together with Madi, which had been one of her favorite daydreams while they’d been on Earth without him. The simple act of sharing a meal and being together with the people she loved most, and even if that’s all she would get, Clarke could be satisfied with it. Still, maybe it was selfish of her, and of course they had to focus on what lay ahead, but getting out of camp with Bellamy and a smaller group meant that there might be more opportunities to be alone with him, and as she glanced once more at the pair curled together across from her, Clarke decided she wasn’t going to waste them.

 

***************

 

Raven blinks up into the harsh sunlight, grasping the hand Murphy held up for her as she exits the back of the truck. It wasn’t his fault, but his fingers graze along the inside of her wrist as she jumps down, and she couldn’t hide her wince. He pulls her to the side so Jordan can get out, turning her palm to see the bruise that has begun to form from where Ambrose, still disguised as Murphy, had grabbed her back in their camp’s kitchen. A dark look passes over his face, though he doesn’t say anything, and she’s about to tell him it’s fine when Jordan interrupts her thoughts.

 

“Raven, are you… are you _seeing_ this?”

 

She turns to look in the direction he’s staring, and her jaw drops a little as she takes it all in. The drive was short after they exited the tunnel, and it’s easy to see why as the multi-terraced buildings before her all seem to be built into the side of the mountain. They’re all made from the same materials as the cabin in the woods, the shiny, reflective surfaces making it look as though there’s a castle made of mirrors jutting out from the craggy rock. It’s beautiful in a harsh way, imposing, and the light it casts around is almost blinding. It’s a smaller complex than Raven expected, and as they enter the large gated wall that’s built in a semicircle in front of this section of the mountain, there are flower gardens and trees lining the paths instead of the food crops she thought she’d see.

 

“Welcome to Gülay,” Ambrose announces, as he leads them all to the front entrance. “It’s Turkish, and it means ‘rose moon’. This settlement was the first to be built and and was named by those who first landed here, inspired by the incredible colors of the sky on their new planet.”

 

The doors are opened by a few people dressed in similar clothes as those who travelled to the woods, and they step into a small entry room that holds a few benches and many hooks. They only stay long enough for the large doors to close tightly behind them and then Ambrose and Novak show them into a large, cavernous space with immense ceilings. It’s clearly meant to impress, with multiple large tables lined with chairs, and there’s an absolutely stunning chandelier that dominates the center of the ceiling, hanging low to illuminate the room. It’s covered in crystals, chunks of geodes and precious gems, and the light and sparkle from it bounces around via the multiple mirrors set into the walls. It’s like nothing Raven’s ever seen, and she knows she’s not the only one looking around in awe when she spots Clarke doing the same.

 

“Welcome! Welcome to our humble settlement of Gülay!” A masculine voice carries over them as a figure descends the long staircase along one side of the huge room. There’s a matching set of stairs on the other side, and they connect with a wide balcony between them. Raven can see an upstairs hallway beyond the top of the steps, and as the man crosses the floor to stop in front of them all, more people start to show themselves until there’s twenty or so gathered behind the man greeting them. Ambrose and Novak have both moved to flank him.

 

“Please allow me to introduce myself,” he exclaims, and Raven is struck with the realization that this man is very suave as he continues in a smooth tone. “My name is Russell, and we are all very excited that you are here. We’re looking forward to getting to know each other, and we want you to feel at home. If there’s anything you need here, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask. I am in charge of this settlement and any issues you may have should be brought to me.”

 

It all sounds perfectly acceptable, Raven decides, and the man is certainly handsome. She doesn’t trust him at all, though. He’s older, more the age any of their fathers might be, but he’s fit and very much in charge. He’s dressed regally, in clothes much nicer than their own, and the Others who have gathered behind him aren’t quite as fancy, but everything is clean, without holes and with that shimmery effect. There’s a variety of colors present, but there are a lot of rose shades in particular, and many of the women wear dresses instead of pants. It’s Bellamy who responds first, stepping forward to extend his hand, and after a few diplomatic niceties, Bellamy introduces them all in turn. Their tiredness must show, or else Russell is just the kind of host who picks up on it.

 

He gestures for a woman to step forward as he starts to speak. “I realize you all must be exhausted after the long trip. You’ll want to get cleaned up, and if you’ll allow us, we’ll provide you with some clothes and refreshment. We’re not certain what your sleeping arrangements are, but Nyssa will take you upstairs and show you some of the rooms you may choose from. After that, we can take you to our communications center where you can contact your people, per our agreement. And of course I’m sure you’d love a tour, which we’re happy to give. Because of your arrival, the hall will be full tonight with people, and our first meal together will be a celebration.”

 

Clarke and Bellamy give their thanks as Nyssa nervously smiles at them and motions to the stairs on their right. As they follow behind her and pass a variety of open doors, the luxuriousness of the huge interior is easy to see. It reminds Raven of Becca’s mansion, with the open spaces and fussy touches. It’s darker though, despite the many metallic surfaces, and there’s no windows to be seen after they left the downstairs room, she notices. They reach a hallway and Nyssa stops, waiting for them all to move closer.

 

“There are four bedrooms available here, all with a different setup to them. They each have their own bathroom. If you’ll give us ten minutes or so, we’ll bring a variety of clothing up that should fit you, and all the showers are stocked with soaps and towels already.” She darts off when they agree, and Octavia opens the door closest to her to reveal a bedroom with one large bed at the center. They go down the hallway, checking each space, and find that one of the rooms has a spread of fruit, nuts, berries and water laid out on a table. Everyone eagerly helps themselves after the long ride. 

 

“Diyoza was right, at the very least we should stay paired up while we’re here,” Bellamy taps his ear, indicating that they should all figure someone was listening. “One of the rooms only has one bed, so I suggest that Clarke, Raven and Octavia take the bedroom with four singles, and then Murphy, Jordan and I will take this bedroom since it has two singles and the couch. That leaves Miller and Shaw to take the bedroom with two singles and then the single bedroom stays empty, although we can use the bathroom as needed. Are you all in agreement with this?”

 

“Yes, as long as I get to have first shower,” Octavia challenges, and Clarke nods in response. Shaw and Miller both don’t seem to care either way, and Raven thinks Jordan looks pleased about the arrangement until Murphy crushes his enthusiasm with a wry comment.

 

“Yeah, you look happy about it now, but just wait until Bellamy starts snoring tonight and see how fast you change your mind.”

 

Bellamy looks up guiltily and avoids the topic, but they all know it’s true. “Raven, you good?”

 

“It’s fine. And hey, while we wait for clothes, I’m pretty sure the whole outside of this place is made from rhodium, just like the cabin. It might be alloyed with something else, but there’s got to be massive amounts of it here to be used this much. On Earth, it was one of the rarest and most valuable precious metals, more expensive than gold, and scientists had starting using it in the process of chemical storage of solar energy, which was a really big deal at the time. If this building is basically one huge solar panel that stores its own energy in some way, think of the possibilities for high-energy fuels!” She waves her hand excitedly at the thought. “Mining’s got to be a pretty big industry here, did you see those gemstones on that awesome chandelier? Some of those geodes were the size of my head!”

 

“That could have potential possibilities for food production, if they can use the stored solar energy on grow lights in controlled environments,” Jordan theorizes, and Raven’s about to continue the topic when Clarke interrupts with an indulgent smile.

 

“Those are exactly the kinds of subjects we can hopefully learn about here, but how about we put a pin in them since I just saw Nyssa and a few others putting some boxes into the hallway that probably have clothes for us.”

 

They spend the next few minutes arguing over who gets what, the girls delighted to find a box with bras and underwear that Raven quickly snatches out of Miller’s grip, along with a box of underwear for the men, in addition to socks, tops and bottoms for everyone. There’s less eagerness about the tops and bottoms, both because of the colors and the flowy fabrics.

 

Clarke gathers up everything suitable for women and nods her head towards the door of their bedroom while Raven carries the box of underwear. “When everyone’s ready for the tour, just leave your door open. You guys take the two bathrooms on your side of the hall, we’ll take the other two. When the second bathroom is empty, we’ll let you know in case you still need it since there’s more of you.”

 

They leave the guys grumbling in the hallway, and Raven smothers a grin as she hears Jordan practically yell. “No, I am _not_ wearing the orange shirt!”

 

***************

 

 _They must have found some sort of compromise,_ Raven thinks as she follows Clarke and Octavia into the room that Murphy, Jordan and Bellamy are sharing, because Jordan isn’t wearing the orange shirt when she spies him sitting on the couch about an hour later. Instead, he has on matching light blue pants and shirt, while Bellamy has dark brown pants and a tan top. They’re the only two who have on completely new clothes, while Murphy, Miller and Shaw have all rejected the wide-legged pants and are still wearing the bottoms they arrived in. They do have on the new shirts, and Raven likes that Murphy ended up with a light gray one. It’s not a huge change from the constant black she usually sees him in, but it looks good, and she makes a mental note to get out of this place with as many clothes as she can fit into her pack, for both of them. 

 

For her own part, she had played dirty with Clarke and Octavia. There had only been one pair of pants in the woman’s box, with more variety of long skirts or dresses. Raven had piped up in the middle of the argument over them, explaining that if she didn’t have fabric under her brace, it would chafe against her skin, and a dress or skirt wouldn’t provide that. The truth, really, but she’d had plenty worse before and could have put up with it. It had been enough for Octavia to roll her eyes and give in though, and Clarke had done the same at Raven’s pleading look. The dark green pants were less fitted than she was used to, but they were soft and clean, and she was desperate enough for more clothes that anything was a blessing. She liked the shirt much better, a lighter green with a scooped neckline and long sleeves, made from the same delicate material.

 

“Seriously, Octavia? You couldn’t find one piece of clothing you’d consider wearing?” Bellamy looks pained as he takes in his sister’s lack of participation with the new attire.

 

“I’m not wearing a damned dress, and Raven got the only pants in the box. The one shirt that fit was bright yellow. It wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. So no, I’m not playing nice unless you wanna count the underwear and socks. You give this same lecture to the guys, or is it just me who gets lucky?” Octavia raises her eyebrow in defiance. “Besides, you and Clarke are good at talking. I’m sure you can find a ‘diplomatic solution’ to this problem. And look at it this way, the four of you are fully decked out, three of them are half-participating, and I’m the only holdout. Pretty good results considering this entire group is full of stubborn assholes.” Octavia pauses and grins. “Well, except for Jordan. He’s nicer than the rest of us.”

 

Raven, Jordan and Clarke all laugh at Octavia’s take on the situation, and the rest of the guys look amused enough that it coaxes a reluctant smile out of Bellamy. It doesn’t escape Raven’s notice when Clarke rests a hand on Bellamy’s arm to get his attention.

 

“I’ll think of a way to explain it. Honestly I’d have preferred to keep my own pants too,” Clarke waves a hand at the long rose-colored skirt she’s wearing and the lighter pink top. “This isn’t exactly my taste either. But if we’re all ready, let’s not keep them waiting any longer. I want to radio camp and let them know we’ve arrived safely.”

 

Everyone starts down the hallway, Bellamy and Clarke leading the way, and Raven lingers a little, waiting for Murphy. They end up at the rear of the group, which is exactly what she wanted as she takes his hand. He doesn’t hesitate to twine his fingers with hers, and the physical contact immediately calms the uneasy feeling that’s been building within her since they met Russell.

 

Lowering her voice so that only Murphy will hear her, she leans into his side and shares her concerns. “There’s something not right about this place even though I can’t put it into words. While we were getting dressed, Clarke told me that Russell reminds her of her dad. He said all the right things but I don’t trust him.”

 

Murphy’s gaze darts around the hallway cautiously before he answers. “You and me both. Did you notice there’s no locks on the bedroom doors, not even the bathrooms? Look along this hallway, none of the doors have them. Don’t let your guard down here, I mean it, Raven.” His thumb rubs along the back of her palm and Raven feels a shiver run through her at both the feel of it and his gruff warning. No, she wouldn’t be relaxing any time soon.

 

They’ve reached the balcony part of the corridor at the top of the stairs. Bellamy and Clarke have stopped to speak with Nyssa, and Raven regretfully releases Murphy’s hand as their group waits before proceeding down the steps to the large hall. She lets her eyes drift towards the large chandelier, once again taken with the incredible sight and the sheer ostentatiousness of it. She notices that Russell is standing near one of the long tables below them, talking with a few others, and she’s suddenly grateful that she’s at the rear of their pack when her knees go weak and she stumbles backwards as she recognizes one of the people with him. Murphy reacts quickly, wrapping a strong arm around her waist and pulling her against his chest to keep her upright, and she feels her heart race as she turns her face towards him in panic.

 

“Oh my god,” she mutters quietly, “I don’t know how it’s possible, but I swear, that woman with Russell is ALIE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, who saw that coming? Who could that woman be? Lucky for us all, I actually know the answers. Stay tuned!
> 
> ETA - OH. MY. GAWD. We have a trailer. I love it and I hate it. The fans are coming out of the woodwork - I see you, fans who swore off this show! LOL! They're all sucked right back in again and meanwhile lots of us have been here KNOWING it!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still here! Oh my gosh there's so many spoilers on the interwebs with the leaked episodes! No worries with this fic - I'm not going to spoil anything, I'm literally going with my own speculation even though I know that some of it may or may not live up to what S6 actually brings. But you don't have to worry about reading a spoiler for 6x01 or 6x02 in this fic. 
> 
> And yes, I'm weak, I know all the spoilers because... weak. It's like catnip.  
> ****************************************************************************************

 

Murphy bends his head to whisper in Raven’s ear while he moves them both a little closer to Miller’s back, shielding them from view as much as he can. “Try not to tense up. Don’t let your face give anything away to these people. It does look like her, like ALIE or Becca, but for all we know it’s some kind of descendant.” They’re all stopped at the top of the stairs in muted conversation, and Raven’s hand is shaking from where she’s clutching at his arm, still wrapped tightly around her waist. No one seems to be taking any notice of them, and Murphy wants to keep it that way.

 

“What if it really _is_ her?” Raven asks anxiously, upset at both the possibility of it and her own panicked reaction at seeing one of her nightmares come to life again.

 

“Then we’ll deal with it, like we always do, I promise. Stay here for just a moment, alright, I gotta give Clarke a head’s up before she catches sight of her - I think it’s only us three who will recognize her.”

 

Raven bites her lip as she nods, clearly worried and hesitant to release his arm and let him go. He doesn’t want to move away from her, either, not only because she’s obviously afraid but because the very idea of ALIE or some version of her being here scares the shit out of him, too.

 

He casually strides over to Clarke, thanking his luck for once when he finds that it’s Bellamy currently asking Nyssa a question as Clarke stands by listening, and he pastes a sarcastic grin on his face as he bumps her arm in a teasing way to get her attention and throw off anyone watching. He tilts his head to speak lowly, trying to appear like he’s sharing a private joke.

 

“Laugh when I finish talking and act like I’m being funny, but find a way to keep your reaction calm when we go downstairs, because it sure as fuck looks like ALIE standing next to Russell, and Raven is freaked out.”

 

Clarke laughs happily, smiling and showing no outward sign of what he’s just said, and if he wasn’t so on edge himself, he’d find a way to compliment her acting skills.

 

“Okay, Murphy, enough fooling around. Let’s go and meet Russell - I can see him waiting for us.”

 

Moving towards the stairs, Clarke motions for everyone to follow her, and Murphy nonchalantly moves to let the others pass, returning to Raven’s side. They’re not hidden on the steps, and he’s aware everyone already downstairs is looking at their group as they descend, so all he can do is brush his arm against hers in support. She’s willed herself into a mask of neutrality, and it’ll be enough for anyone who doesn’t know her to fully believe it, but it doesn’t fool him. He wishes he could spare her this, as his eyes take in the dual vertical scars that the edges of her shirt sleeves don’t fully conceal. He knows they run from her wrists up each arm, and he’d only found the courage to ask her about them after a long night of drinking a year or so into their shared time on the Ring. Some parts of that night are blurry, since they’d both been drunk on Monty’s version of potent alcohol, and he couldn’t remember how they’d even ended up alone together to start with. But the memory of her confiding her traumatic experience with ALIE and everything she’d been through was not something he could forget, though at times he would prefer to. In return, he’d told her about being trapped in the lighthouse bunker and how it had almost broken him, about Becca’s video and the ALIE hologram with Jaha and how things had gone down with Clarke taking the Flame in Polis. It had been a long night, but he’d felt somehow lighter after he’d told her about it, and he had hoped she had too.

 

Now, though, he doesn’t blame her one bit for being alarmed at the prospect of encountering that old demon again.

 

“Ah, wonderful! Here you all are!” Russell’s voice booms out over the hall as they make their way over to where he holds court, and Murphy would have pegged him as the leader whether he was wearing the fancier clothes or not. Something about the guy screamed that he was in charge, in spite of the personable demeanor he projected.

 

Russell’s gaze drifts over the small gathering, and his smile dims as he takes in their incomplete participation in the offered clothing. “Was there something amiss with the clothes we provided, perhaps not the right sizes?”

 

“Oh, no,” Clarke interjects smoothly. “We were provided with everything we could possibly need, thank you. We very much appreciate the gesture. I hope you can understand - we left Earth in an emergency situation, unable to bring much of anything with us except for the clothes on our backs. It’s unusual for the women in our society to wear skirts or dresses, and to be honest, we might be a bit over-attached to our shoes and clothing since we have so little to call our own. Please know we mean absolutely no offense and your generosity honors us.”

 

Clarke’s flattery seems to hit just the right note as Russell turns his interest to her with another broad smile. “Of course, of course. We’re happy to help in any way we can. I’m sure you’re all anxious to radio your settlement, but first, please let me introduce my wife. This is Sarah, and she’ll be joining us on the tour. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

 

The woman who looks like ALIE moves forward to stand closer to Russell, and Murphy wants to look over at Raven to see if she’s handling it alright, but he’s next to her and doesn’t want to cast any scrutiny her way. He is able to see that Clarke just continues with her gracious smile, reaching out to shake Sarah’s hand when it’s her turn. They go through the group with introductions, and it’s a relief that the chairs between them create enough distance to prevent Murphy, Raven and Shaw from shaking Sarah’s hand, so they exchange polite nods instead.

 

“I’m so pleased to meet you all. I know my husband has already welcomed you, but I’d like to extend my own wishes for a fruitful gathering, hopefully the first of many. If there is anything I can do for you during your stay, I implore you to let me know.”

 

Jesus, she sounds exactly like he recalls Becca from the video, and if he’s unnerved by it, Raven’s got to be doubly so. At least she doesn’t have that slightly robotic inflection that ALIE had, but still, there’s too many similarities here for them to dismiss. Her hair is down, worn in a way akin to ALIE, and she isn’t wearing glasses but she does have on a dress. It’s similar to all the other women’s outfits here, and while it isn’t the bright red ALIE favored, it is a deep pink. He relaxes a little as Clarke and Bellamy launch into some kind of peacemaking talk, so he risks looking over at Raven now that the focus is off them.

 

She lets go of the facade for just a second, the serene but bland smile she has on her face dropping away as their eyes meet, and he can read the glint of apprehension still in hers. Shaw and Miller in front of her both start to walk after Octavia, and he catches snippets of conversation about the communications room. Raven hurries to keep up, expression swiftly back in place like she’s interested in her surroundings, and he pointedly does the same as he follows closely. It’s all a lie, same as the illusion of tranquility they had for the last six months, and his hands ball into tight fists at his side before he forces his body to loosen, wondering for possibly the millionth time if they’re all just forever doomed.

 

***************

 

Raven swallows a scream for what feels like the hundredth time in the last two hours. They’d made the radio call back to Echo and her crew, and Bellamy had seamlessly worked in a comment with an agreeable algae batch number to signal that things were cautiously going well, and the communications system hadn’t been complicated so they’d all picked up on it easily. After that, Russell and Sarah, along with Ambrose and Novak, had led them through areas of the sizeable building that housed them. The visible, outside portion of the building was only a small part of the full settlement, since most of the space had been carved out of the side of the mountain and built within, making Raven suspect there might be even more levels than what they were being shown.

 

It could have been a fascinating tour, but between her apprehension over Sarah and the hovering presence of Ambrose, who often tried to lurk alongside her as they walked, she was ready to snap. Outwardly, Sarah didn’t project any kind of sinister vibes, and Raven had been trying to remind herself that it really could just be some kind of genetic relative who had nothing to do with ALIE or her own suffering at ALIE’s hands. Ambrose, however, was another matter. It had been there when he was disguised as Murphy, that uncomfortable and almost predatory feeling, and it had only increased now that he was himself. Raven’s instincts told her to stay away from him, but he was making that very difficult as he sped up or slowed down based on Raven’s movements. Murphy grasped the situation immediately, sticking to her side and deliberately coming between them as needed, and to Raven’s relief, Octavia had noticed as well, though she was more subtle with her efforts.

 

Trying to memorize the route they were taking, Raven finds that the rooms where they were staying, off of the main hall, all seemed to be the more public spaces and were reminiscent of big houses that had been on Earth. The parts deeper into the mountain, sectioned off into different dwellings for various families as well as including laboratories and what Russell called greenhouses, were all much more natural and rustic. He promises they’ll tour the labs and crops tomorrow, but before dinner begins he wants to show them a park they’ve created. They’ve come to a large, open and airy environment, the high walls around them hewn from solid rock, although there’s plenty of technology present with artificial lights, sports areas, large trees being grown in well-landscaped beds, and even a playground for children. It’s quiet now, with no one around except their group.

 

“Everyone is preparing for the celebratory dinner tonight, but typically this is one of our busiest locations here at Gülay. You’ll see when you come through tomorrow,” Russell explains.

 

Sarah chimes in with something about the children enjoying it, but Raven tunes them out in order to concentrate on the scenery around her. It looks and almost even feels like it’s outside, with the artificial lights and the huge atrium appearance of it, and all the trees and greenery certainly contribute. It’s beautiful, really, but she remembers the walled flower garden at the entrance of the mirrored structure and wonders why they wouldn’t have created all of this at the actual exterior of the building. She’s lost to her thoughts until she feels Murphy stand straighter next to her, his arm grazing hers.

 

Looking up, she sees that he’s listening intently to what Bellamy is saying, and the desire to scream comes to her yet again as she realizes he’s mentioned the bruises that are still evident on Ambrose’s face. Bellamy probably brought it up to potentially clear the air, to raise the specter of that awful bracelet and how Ambrose had attacked Murphy over it, but now everyone is looking in their direction. She doesn’t like it, feels too exposed from the strain of keeping calm over the reminder of ALIE, and the urge to step behind Murphy and use him as a shield is a strong one. It’s not a real option, she won’t do it, but the thought brings her comfort since she knows he wouldn’t mind if she did. She straightens her shoulders too, trying to look as unaffected as possible while internally her heart is racing.

 

Russell turns back to Bellamy after his eyes rake over Raven and Murphy. “Ambrose informed me about what happened. All a misunderstanding, I assure you. Your friend Murphy was only defending himself, we understand that. Let us not ruin the festivities this evening - we can discuss this further tomorrow, as I know you must wish to learn more about the bracelet that was used. Tonight we will commemorate our momentous meeting. In fact, let us all return to the Dining Hall as I’m sure guests are beginning to gather.”

 

With that announcement, he gestures for Sarah to proceed him, and they all begin to wind their way out the direction they came. Raven takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling as Murphy’s finger swipes along the back of her elbow, and she understands it’s a silent suggestion for her to dawdle. Ambrose is in the front, near Russell, and Bellamy and Clarke have been doing their dogged best to keep him engaged in conversation. Raven doesn’t know how they’re going to talk about Sarah, about the possibility of ALIE and what their next moves should be when they have to assume that their rooms may be bugged and someone could be listening at all times, but she’s glad for Clarke’s ability to pretend like nothing is wrong, especially when Raven herself feels so close to a breakdown.

 

She pauses as Octavia gets a few steps away, and Murphy looks over his shoulder at the empty park spread out around them. He must be satisfied with what he doesn’t see, because his hand goes to her lower back and stays there until they get closer to the Dining Hall and more people begin to appear. It’s time enough for her to soak up the encouragement he intends it as, and the warmth of his palm lingers long after he moves it away.

  


***************

 

Bellamy swallows a sip of the sweet wine that fills the elegant cup in his grasp, but it does nothing to erase the dry feeling in his throat. He and Clarke have been talking for what feels like ages, and that hasn’t stopped now that they’re all seated at the long dining table in the center of the cavernous hall. Russell had taken the tall chair at the short end of the table, signifying himself as leader, and had allowed them all to choose their seats. Both he and Clarke had arranged themselves closer to Russell and Sarah, and towards the other end, Shaw, Jordan and Octavia sat near Novak and Nyssa. Murphy had stubbornly sat down next to Raven, slightly towards the middle but closest to Bellamy’s end. A few other members of Russell’s group started to fill in, and unexpectedly, Miller sat across from Raven, rather than choosing to join Octavia’s group. It turned out to be a fortuitous choice when Ambrose slid into the chair next to him and directly across from Murphy.

 

Clarke’s eyes widened at that, and Bellamy suspected that they were both privately thinking that having Ambrose and Murphy in such close proximity was only going to result in disaster. He knew Miller and Raven would try to contain the situation, but Murphy was unpredictable at best and Bellamy determined to be on guard for anything that might happen. Once their table had settled at their spots, the entire hall was asked to stand as a complicated prayer was recited by everyone in attendance. The tables were full of people from the settlement, and in Bellamy’s estimation, there were perhaps a hundred or so gathered in the space.  

 

The food was abundant, and there were quite a few servers who quietly filled their drinks and offered more platters, coming and going via an open doorway to the right of the hall. Bellamy presumed it connected to a kitchen, though they had not been shown that area on their tour. He didn’t know if Gülay was trying to impress with the variety of food provided, or if they always ate in this manner, but the atmosphere in the room felt celebratory rather than anxious, and there were many curious looks in their direction as people ate.

 

All through the meal, he kept surreptitiously giving his own glances towards his friends, and each peek showed the latent hostility between Ambrose and Murphy was growing. Raven seemed to be doing a commendable job at keeping the conversation going, and Bellamy could occasionally hear Miller directly trying to pull Ambrose’s attention away, but Murphy’s glare only got more intense.

 

After an interminable number of speeches and toasts about their hoped-for alliance by both Russell and those at the table with them who were also in leadership positions, the arduous dinner drew to a close. Surprisingly, it is Sarah who stands and addresses them all, clapping her hands until the hall grows quiet.

 

“It would typically be our custom to mingle and have cocktails after dinner, but we know that our guests have had a long journey and may be very tired. Tomorrow they will tour more of Gülay and some of you may have the opportunity to meet and interact with them. I know we all have many questions for each other. For now, please respect their need for rest. We shall send someone upstairs for you in the morning so we may continue to get to know one another. Thank you all for a pleasant evening.”

 

Sarah gestures to Nyssa, who jumps to her feet and offers to show them all back to their rooms as the hall erupts into chatter around them. All eyes seem to be on the newcomers as the people obey Sarah’s request not to bother them, but that doesn’t stop everyone from being inquisitive. Bellamy rises swiftly and moves towards Murphy, wary that an altercation could still take place. So quick he would have missed it if he wasn’t watching, Raven pushes her chair in and turns to face him, and she looks drained and pale in that second before she pulls herself together again. The dinner has obviously taken its toll, and it’s not like Murphy to have deliberately made things hard on her. Bellamy wonders exactly what was said during the tedious feast as they all make their way up the stairs.

 

***************

 

It’s a relief to get away from Ambrose and the prying eyes in the Dining Hall, and the further they walk away from the gathering, the more Raven feels like she can breathe again. When they’re back in the quiet of the hallway that holds their rooms, Nyssa explains when they will serve breakfast and that someone will knock on their doors in the morning. She also tells them that sleeping attire has been delivered to one of the rooms and that the small closet along their hallway has been stocked with extra blankets and towels if they should need them. Thoughtfully, they’ve also all been left pitchers of water and cups in each room. They all thank her politely, and when she asks if they need anything else before she leaves them for the night, Raven manages to give her the most genuine smile she’s mustered all evening.

 

“Nyssa, I’m so overwhelmed with everything we’ve been seeing so far,” Raven fibs, making sure to sound believable. “It’s so beautiful here and I’m worried that I’m going to forget all the questions I’m hoping to ask while we’re visiting. Do you have anything I could use to write with or keep track of them? I don’t want to let our people down because I’m getting distracted.”

 

Jordan enthusiastically chimes in, and Raven could hug him for solidifying her request, though he probably means it fully. “Raven, that’s a great idea, and I could benefit from that too! I’ve already seen a watering method in the park here that I’d love to sketch as something we could potentially try out when we get back.”

 

Looking happy to help with their request, Nyssa nods her head. “I don’t think that will be a problem. Please give me a few minutes and I will return with something for you.”

 

“Thank you so much, that will be very helpful,” Raven tells her, and in unspoken agreement, they all chat amiably about the tour and the dinner instead of retreating to their rooms while they wait for Nyssa to return. When she does, she has a small notebook of paper with her, and a few pencils. Raven feels like she hit the jackpot, relieved it’s not some kind of computer tablet, though between her and Shaw, they might’ve been able to hack one enough to keep it private if that’s what they were brought.

 

After Nyssa leaves again, Murphy tugs the notebook out of her hands and quickly scribbles a message. “ _Keep talking about random shit while we do all this - note there are no locks on the doors - search your rooms for bugs or hidden doors. And no, I’m not kidding. Then meet back in our room._ ”

 

No one seems to think his orders are unreasonable, and they all disperse to go do it. She, Clarke and Octavia make small talk about the clothes everyone wears and the hope that they’ll find ways to increase their own crops, but Raven doesn’t find anything in her section of the room that looks out of place. Still, it’s smart to assume they’re being heard or watched, though Raven wants badly to talk about Sarah with Clarke. When she looks up, Clarke and Octavia are still scouring their own areas, so she walks back over to wait, and as soon as she walks through the door, she can feel the tension in the room between Murphy and Bellamy. They’re arguing, in hushed tones, and Jordan’s doing his best to stay out of it. Raven’s not nearly so polite, but it isn’t until she gets closer that she can understand what they’re talking about, and when she hears it, she realizes she could have guessed.

 

“I’m just saying Murphy - you’ve gotta find a way to ease up around this guy. You looked ready to leap across the table and murder him for most of the dinner,” Bellamy accuses.

 

“Ease up? In case you haven’t noticed, Bellamy, that guy is deliberately trying to piss me off, and if it was up to me, he’d be dead already.”

 

Bellamy gives him an exasperated look. “He’s just baiting you! He wants a reaction, and if you do something, it could ruin the entire peace process between us.”

 

“You think I don’t know that?” Murphy asks, sounding both incredulous and pissed off. “What do you think has kept me on the leash so far? I am fully aware of what’s at stake here, and if you knew how it felt to have him in your head, to feel him trying to pull every fucking memory of everyone out of me, you might show some damn understanding!” Murphy stalks closer to the door, clearly in need of space, and almost bumps into Miller as he enters the room. Murphy stops, and gives Bellamy a hard glare. “Ambrose is dangerous, I’m warning you. He’s very angry that Raven ruined his charade and isn’t impressed or intimidated by him. The fact that I gave up very little for him to manipulate her with just makes it that much worse for him. If you don’t want him dead, the rest of you had better keep him away from us.”

 

Murphy ducks past Miller out of the room, and the rest of them are left to stare after him. Miller’s looking thoughtful at Murphy’s comments, crossing over to Bellamy and keeping his voice down as he shares his opinion.

 

“After sitting near them at dinner, I’d say Murphy has a point. You didn’t hear it, Bellamy, but Ambrose was deliberately trying to provoke him, although it was done in a very slick sort of way.”

 

Raven nods her head in agreement. “He is slick, that’s for sure. As far as I’m concerned, Murphy only got one thing wrong, and that’s when he said I’m not intimidated by Ambrose. Let me make it very clear - I am intimidated, and I think we all should be. He gave me the creeps when he was in Murphy’s body, and he gives me the creeps out of it too.” She stares hard at Bellamy, willing him to believe her warning in combination with Murphy’s, and he rubs his hand over his face before giving her a small nod.

 

Knowing Murphy, he might just end up working himself up on his own rather than calming down, so she gestures towards the door. “I bet he went into the single room to cool down. I’ll go talk to him and bring him back. Take the paper and ask Clarke to fill you in on things - Clarke will know what I mean.” Bellamy raises his eyebrows at that, alarmed at the possibility that they have more to discuss, but Raven’s already moving into the hallway.

 

She’s not sure what she’s going to say to Murphy; both he and Bellamy made valid points during their argument. Ambrose had absolutely been trying to incite something at dinner, and all things considered, Murphy had controlled his temper admirably. Wanting more information about this society, about Sarah and her relationship to Becca, about that damned bracelet - they were the only things that had prevented her from lashing out against Ambrose’s actions tonight, and it hadn’t been easy biting her tongue. Murphy had even more reason to be outraged than she did, though, and no one liked being on the receiving end of one of Bellamy’s lectures. The thought settles it for her - she’ll let Murphy vent more if he needs it, and she’d try not to pile on to what he already knows anyway. Her mind made up, she moves more confidently towards the single room, only to be startled when the small door of the hallway linen closet opens up, a familiar hand grabbing her upper arm and yanking her inside.

 

“You’re lucky I didn’t scream,” Raven admonishes him, aware it was Murphy as soon as he touched her. It’s dark in the closet, but there’s enough space in front of the tall shelves for them both to fit as long as they stand facing each other.

 

Murphy sounds unconcerned at the possibility. “Nah, I figured you’d try and fight me, if anything, or maybe a curse word or two instead of a scream.”

 

Raven grins into the darkness. Yeah, he’s probably right, screaming wouldn’t have been her first response. “Are you gonna tell me what you’re doing in here? I thought you’d have gone to the empty bedroom to cool off.”

 

There’s a faint rustling noise, and Raven thinks maybe he’s shrugging. “Thought there was a pretty good chance nobody would think to put any listening devices inside a linen closet, and figured we could use a chat.”

 

“You’re not kidding,” Raven sighs. “That dinner was so stressful.”

 

“I could have done a better job at ignoring it, maybe.”

 

“No! Honestly, I thought you managed to keep it together pretty well, all things considered.” She reaches out blindly for him, wishing she could see his face. Her hand catches near his elbow, squeezing lightly, and she takes a tentative step closer. “Bellamy isn’t wrong, but he shouldn’t dismiss your input, either. I told him you were right, about Ambrose being dangerous, and Miller chimed in too, about how awful he was at dinner. He’s putting on a persona in front of Bellamy and Clarke, but you and I know he’s just playing them. I don’t think he’ll be able to keep it up though, and they’ll pick up on it, they will.”

 

She feels him lean in towards her, his own hand unerringly finding her bruised wrist in the dark, gliding his fingers slowly over the sensitive skin there. Her heart is thumping loudly in her chest, and suddenly the lightless closet feels smaller, more intimate. This is the first time they’ve been alone together since they kissed in the Gagarin, before he’d gotten that damned bracelet off, and all the things they should be talking about get pushed aside in her mind with the absolute urgency to kiss him again.

 

“Raven…", he tugs gently on her fingers, and she lets him pull her closer willingly, feeling flushed and hot all over at the rough need she hears in his voice.

 

In an instant, their bodies press together, their mouths connecting, and it doesn’t matter who kissed first, not when her blood is pounding in her veins and his lips are warm and soft against hers, with the thought of never wanting this to ever stop flickering in her head. She can feel the tension simmering inside him, tastes it on his tongue, and it’s easy to understand how much he’s been bottling it up, all that frustration. She kisses him harder, more forcefully, letting him know she doesn’t need gentle, and his reaction doesn’t disappoint. One hand tightens at the small of her back, the other tipping her head up as his fingers tangle in her hair and his mouth sucks down her throat. The sensation of it makes her moan, takes her from turned on to dizzy with lust as she slips her hands under his shirt, up his sides, everywhere she can reach to touch his bare skin.

 

They haven’t had that talk yet, but there’s no way that can stop her with his heated breath near her ear before he captures her lips again. They can’t possibly be on anything but the same page, not when he kisses her like this, and she arches her hips more firmly into his, rubbing against his stiff erection trapped between them. Murphy groans into her mouth, the sound of it making her almost unbearably wetter. She pushes herself against his chest, wanting to be even closer, and his hands have only just stretched down to cup her ass and lift her higher into him when the door to the closet abruptly opens, the bright light of the hallway almost blinding after the darkness they’ve been caught up in.

 

“Oh! This is… unexpected.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me on tumblr! I started a countdown to S6 that's Murven focused (duh), and my first post talks about how similar a lot of their dialogue is. I give examples! LOL! I'll be posting more Murven parallels but I have no schedule because life. Also, there's a gifset on my tumblr where RH talks about how Murphy had a crush on Raven - yeah, we been knew, buddy! 💕  
> And he can kid himself all he wants that it's over, but I'm calling BS on that one! 
> 
> Anyway though, I absolutely believe it started in 1x10 when Murphy overheard Raven break up with Finn (it's true, he was there). Go read my fic "My Regards" if you haven't already, because I totally believe that's when the crush started, and it's definitely where I started shipping them. Read that, and then watch 1x10 over again or at least go find a fanvid that shows the Raven/Finn break up and how Murphy looks at her in the hammock right before he goes to kill someone, and then tell me he didn't have a crush in that moment. 
> 
> You can't! No one can! And even if someone tries, no one can change my mind anyway! 😜🤣  
> ETA - I went back and added my moodboard for this fic to the first chapter and then every 5th chapter after!


End file.
